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Memories and Moments
Archive for 200609 ( return to current blog )
Tuesday September 5, 2006
Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER SEVEN
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, toot, toot!"....
Clunk, clunk, clunk....
"Yip, yip, yip"....
....What a racket! The group sang, rang, tooted and clunked on down the Muddy Boot Road, with TaTa yipping at their heels. He did so want to be carried, but that wasn't really Nahomi's bag anymore. "Besides, he needs the exercise", she excused herself.
Poopeyer had his pipe stuffed full with spinach weed and was smoking a green streak, toot-tooting out of the other side of his mouth, with his head held back in glee, staring at the cloudless blue sky....when suddenly something darted across his vision. Bzzzzt...Buzzzz Buzzzzzz.... Bzzzzt!
"Look-a-thar!" he called. "Up in the sky! Can you see what that is? Is it a bird? Is it a plane?" Meanwhile long curls of white smoke were puffing out all over the blue sky, twisting and turning into shapes that could not quite be seen.
The group had frozen dead still now, listening to the Bzzzztz and Buzzzzez coming from above. Only TaTa continued to yip, until Postal Man gave him a boot in the butt.
"YIPE! YIPE!", TaTa whelped as he dove for safety between Nahomi's legs.
"How DARE you boot him!", she accused Postal Man.
"Awwww, I didn't hurt him none. His eternal yipping just drives me nuts!" Postal Man snarled.
"Well, calm down and let's see what's going on over our heads now!" Nahomi snapped back.
"Darned if I can see what's happenin'," came Shadow Caster's tinny voice. "It's way too far over MY head!"
"Me, too", added Poopeyer, "not that I give a toot anyway!"
"Well, I can't see it either," complained Nahomi, "And I WANT to see what's over my head. It's my duty!"
"Yip," went TaTa and covered his head with his paws as he scrunched down between Nahomi's protective legs.
"OHHH, wait a minute! I've got this spyglass that Observiant gave me before I left Mensa. He used it to look for space junk coming in from the sky, so that he could warn Mr. Art, the Bell Ringer, to start ringing his bell! I'll bet it will help me see what's over my head!" and Nahomi dug down deep into one of the pockets of her voluminous gingham apron.
"Gimme that!" ordered Shadow Caster.
"No, No, ME, I work for the government; 'I' should do the spying!" Postal Man waved his hands in the air and brinnnng, brinnnng, went his postal bell.
"You IDIOTS don't even know how to use a spy glass! What do you think I used, out there in the spinach field all day, slaving for Queen JoJo, keeping rams out of the plot? Give it HERE!" and Poopeyer made a swipe for the spy glass.
"Now wait a minute! Let's take turns. That's only fair!" exclaimed Nahomi.
Meanwhile there were more bzzzztz and buzzzzzez, and more smoky white curls were forming in the sky.
"Geeze ma-knees, I wonder what all that IS!" said Shadow Caster, stiffly craning his tin encased neck up at the sky.
"Well, here's what we'll do," said Nahomi, handing the spy glass over to Poopeyer and whipping out her note pad and pencil from her voluminous gingham apron pocket, "first Poopeyer will spy the sky and tell us what he sees. Next, Shadow Caster will take a turn. Then Postal will deliver the final view of what is going on up there, over our heads. I will write it down and connect the dots and then give the answer of what it is that is going on over our heads. 'K?"
"Okey dokey," the rest answered, rolling their eyes at each other. TaTa just went "mmmmbrr" and covered his eyes with a hairy paw.
"K then, Poopeyer, begin!"
Poopeyer stuck the spy glass up tight against his one good eye, and said, "It's all green!"
"And you call US idiots," harrumphed Postal Man. "Maybe if you took that spinach smoking device out of your mouth, you would be able to see!"
"Oops," said Poopeyer sheepishly, setting the pipe down on the ground. He looked up again and said, "Oh, I can see clearly now, the cloud has gone. I can see everything...."
"Cut that OUT!" roared Shadow Caster. "What's with the song fest? Tell us what you SEE!"
"Hee Hee," snickered Poopeyer. He did love to rile up Shadow Caster.
"Oh my! Oh my! Take this down Nahomi!"
Nahomi zipped up her pencil into ready writing position at Poopeyer's words. "READY!"
"I see objects buzzing and bzzzzzting around the sky. They are forming words."
'Objects buzzing...forming words...' notated Nahomi. "And....?"
"Here comes the first words."
---I...will...I...will...RAM...you...Poopeyer...BEWARE!---
"OMG, toot! toot! tooot! Oh me, oh my, it's a message from MISTER Rams! Where can I hide, where can I hide?"
"Got it," said Nahomi. "Pick up your pipe and smoke it a bit, Poopeyer. That should calm you down. Remember I have these magical muddy army boots given to me by the Good Witch Theosofits for protection!"
"Hah! YOUR protection. Theosofits never did nothing for ME. She forgets too easily how many bunches of spinach I leave as a token in front of her golden balls."
"We'll talk about it later, Poopeyer; now give the spyglass to Shadow Caster, while he can still bend his neck back far enough to try to see what's over his head," consoled Nahomi.
Shadow Caster took the proffered spyglass, bent back his tinny head and gripping the spyglass in his tinny hands he stuck it into his eye. "OUCH! Darn, Nahomi, that was the eye you squirted with snake oil. It still smarts!"
Nahomi readied her pencil, "Begin please, Shadow Caster."
"Still buzzin and bzzzztin up there. Lots of letters coming out now. Take this down...."
---We...will...we...will...OUT....you.... S.C.! ....You ...can...run ...you...can't...hide!---
"Oooo, oooo, ooooo, they're gonna Instant Rusty me again! I just know it! I can't take it any more, I can't go back. Let's run, run, run, away!" and Shadow Caster started clunking around in a mad circle, looking for somewhere to run and hide.
--....can't....hide!-- Nahomi finished up her notation and grabbed Shadow Caster by his tin arm. "Don't worry! I have lots of Mr. Art's snake oil left. I'll take care of you. Maybe I'll even lend you my magical muddy army boots so you can run faster", smiled Nahomi.
"Thanks, but if I talk nice to Theosafits, maybe she'll give me a pair of my own."
"Well, I'm sure she will be able to see that you need a pair," answered Nahomi; "so stay calm until we meet up with her. Now give the spyglass to Postal Man, please, so we can finish up here and get on down the road to find the Wizard of OOzE!"
"Here you go, Postal," S.C. handed the spyglass to Postal Man, who put his hands behind his back. "Here, take it!" Shadow Caster urged.
"I dunno, I don't think I wanna," hedged P.M.
"TAKE it, you Idiot, so we can figure the poop on this deal!" yelled Poopeyer.
"BBButtt, I ran into that Observiant a couple of times when I was on the Mensa rout...we errrr, we...don't get along. You see, we both liked the same sockpuppgirl and...."
"For Theosofits' sake! Do you think he booby trapped a dumb SPY GLASS?! Get on with it, get on with it, Toot! Toot! Toot!" Poopeyer was getting extremely agitated.
Postal Man took the spyglass and gulped, "Uhhh, you ready Nahomi?"
"I'm always ready," answered Nahomi, pencil poised.
"Rrrrufffff!" came from TaTa, keeping one eye on the Postal Man.
"Here come the bzzzztz and the buzzzzez around again; here come the words," P.M. quavered.
--We....will...we...will...SUE....you...for...stealing...the...girl...PM!--
"I knew it! I knew it! I never shudda looked. Now I'm jinxed. That $49.95 lawyer is going to clean out my pension fund; I knew it! Darn you, Nahomi! Now see the fix I'm in!"
"Like it's MY fault?" Nahomi huffed. "Did I tell you to go and steal someone's girl? Did I make you get lost and not finish your route? Did I twist your arm to come with us--well, maybe that last one, just a little bit. Don't go jumping me, now! No wonder your (not you're) nickname is Postal!"
"Blubber, blubber, blubber," was all that P.M. could get out.
"Hey, don't get too close to me, blubbering like that!" warned Shadow Caster. "I have enough problems of my own, sweating and going rusty and all, without you dripping around me!"
"Here, Postal Man", Nahomi reached into a pocket of her voluminous gingham apron and pulled out a big red checked handkerchief decorated with Queen Ann's Lace all around the edge, "take this hanky decorated by my cousin Panky, wipe your eyes and blow. If you get sued, we'll all chip in, but I bet the Wizard solves your problem."
"Hey! I ain't chipping in, I ain't got a dime!" argued Shadow Caster.
"That's OK, S.C., ole buddy!" enthused Poopeyer; "sometimes people throw chips to the poor over there in Vegan city. All we have to do later is go there and find where the chips lay, and we'll be able to get a veggie burger....well I'll have one. I know you like donuts, heheheheh," chortled Poopeyer.
"Yeah, just like you guys, spend the chips on yourselves. You never did like me much," groaned Postal Man, "and that's - not - Very - NICE!"
"Grrrrr", and TaTa was rewarded with another boot in the butt.
"You guys are just like a bunch of children, temper, temper, tantrum! What a sight to behold. You should be ashamed of yourselves!"
"I'm sorry, Nahomi", apologized Poopeyer.
"Sorry, S.C.", he apologized again.
"I apologize, Postal", he mumbled, scuffing his toe in the dirt. "I apologize to you, too, TaTa, for Postal kicking your butt all the time. Just because you're (not your) mean and smelly and lazy and noisy and crap on people's private property, it doesn't mean you should be kicked around. After all, you're (not your) just a dumb Rapid doggie. Even I can figure that out without a note pad and a pencil!"
Nahomi glared at Poopeyer and asked Postal Man for the spy glass. "I guess if I want to get this job of finding out what's over our heads done, I'll have to take a look myself!" And she flounced away from the others, in her flouncey voluminous gingham apron, just a bit down the road, put the glass to her eye and said, "I spy....Oh MY!"
TADUNT TADAAAA TADUNT!
Out of the sky came brooms and brooms with sitting witches, whirling and swirling as they screamed, TADUNT TADAAAA TADUNT!
"Heee heeee heeee heeee"
"There she is!"
"There's that Nahomi, she's guilty, guilty I tell you!"
"Look at how scarlet her face is!"
The witches raced up and down in the blue, and out of the backs of their brooms came puffs of words...KIM!, puffed one. LINDY!,another. BABS!, LULU!, MAW!, JEN!, came out of three, four, five and six...and all the while they taunted her with "Nahomi is guilty! Look what she did to our family! We shall see that she reaps what she sows! Get her, GET NAHOMI! And her stoooopid companions and that smelly dog, too!
"EEEEEEE!" Nahomi screamed, frantically stamping her magical muddy army boots on the ground as the six brooms with their ghastly witches plummeted down at her. "Help me, Help me, Theosofits, the boots don't work, the magic is gone!"
"Yah, help us, too!" yelled all the others. TaTa did a howling, "Uhrrru, Uhrrrrrruuuuu!" and they all kept running into each other as they tried to run away from the danger hanging over their heads.
POOF!
Just as the brooms seemed to be ready to sweep Nahomi and her gang up and whirl them away like the wind, they blinked out of sight, as did the objects bzzzting and buzzzing in the sky. The writings were wiped out and the only sound was the heavy breathing of the questers and the wheezing, final "Uhrrru?" of TaTa.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" breathed Nahomi as the golden ball carrying Theosofits appeared and hovered just over their heads. "Who-o-o was that?" quavered Nahomi.
"That was nobody," answered Theosafits.
"You didn't tell me she was stooopid," Poopeyer whispered behind his hand to Nahomi.
"That's because I am not," Theosafits smiled at Poopeyer. "I am Theosafits, and it was not 'who', it was 'what' that should have been the question."
"Oh, yeah, just what we need at a time like this--semantics!"
"Yeah", echoed Postal Man, "like we need semantics. (errrr, Poopeyer, what's semantics?)"
Theosofits gently chided Poopeyer, "You disappoint me, little green man," she said as she looked at him with sad eyes.
"Oh, gee, I hope not. I'm this great guy, you know, really I am...truly. Just ask me any time, I'll tell you, straight out! Anyways, I apologize."
"Phew," puffed Shadow Caster. "I thought you were going to get her mad and I'd never get a chance at a pair of magical muddy army boots!"
"Well, I am sorry, Shadow Caster. I still cannot give you a pair. They are only for those who have heart, and right now I can see you have no heart. You best get on to the Wizard to get some help."
Shadow Caster gave several clunking kicks at a stone in the road and clanked sulkily away.
"We'll get him there," spoke up Nahomi. "But, 'what' was that above our heads? They were so mean and they were gonna hurt us and they wrote mean things, and...."
"Easy, easy, now," calmed Theosafits. "That was..."
"Wait, let me write this down and maybe I can connect the dots and figure it out myself!" urged Nahomi.
"Alright," answered Theosafits. "I'll make sure to leave enough dots for you to connect. You see, those were not... real 'things'. They were holograms sent from...beyond your comprehension. Representations of things and people you once knew ....or you will know....if you all make it safely to the Wizard of OOzE, that is."
Nahomi wrote rapidly, "Not real, h-o-l-o....; how do you spell that, anyway?"
"H-o-l-o-g-r-a-m-s," parsed Theosafits.
"g-r-a-m-s", finished Nahomi. "What's a hologram?"
"Sort of like a ghost of a real thing..."
"I got it, I got it," Nahomi cheered, "and I only had to connect half the dots, too! They were Ghost Writers in the Sky! (I told you I'd figure it out,)" she told the others, her voice choking with pride.
"Yeah, yeah."
"Unnhuh"
"Who gives a toot?"
The others all sulked and skulked and stood around scratching their butts. TaTa released a soft little burst of fetid gas from out of his tubby rear orifice.
"Well, I never!" exclaimed Nahomi. "How jealous can you be?! Just because a girl is a bit more enlightened than you all, you have to go and mock her? What are you going to be like when I get all the secrets of the Universe from the Wizard of OOzE? I don't know if I want you along on my quest! I think that I will just leave and never ever come back. I'll just find the Wizard, get the secrets and hurry back to Candida to enlighten Auntie Kadie, Uncle Hashish and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen! You might look like my friends on the Net farm, but you sure aren't nice to me like they are! They handled me with kid gloves, no ifs, ands OR butts! They never would even think of mocking me!"
"Oh, don't do that, Nahomi! I apologize," pleaded Poopeyer. "Come on, you guys, apologize or she's going away and never coming back!"
"I doubt that!" grumbled Shadow Caster. "But, I apologize, Nahomi."
"Please don't leave me, Nahomi," groaned Postal Man. "I can't stand the thought of losing you forever! I apologize, for whatever it is you think I did."
"Well, it looks to me like there's an awful lot of apologizing and very little reforming going on here," Nahomi spoke stonily through stiff lips.
"Oh, but my child!" spoke up Theosafits. "Don't you know that true love means never having to say you are sorry? Forgive your friends and carry on your quest."
"Well, I guess I must love them a lot, then," mused Nahomi, "because I'm never, ever, ever going to apologize to them for my superior state of enlightenment. And I'm not lending them my magical muddy army boots, either!"
"That's a good girl," smiled Theosafits. "Don't forget to stamp the muddy army boots only if you truly need me." Theosafits' golden ball floated up slowly, "And now I must be off!"
"You bet she must be off," was Poopeyer's sarcastic comment (sotto voce') to Shadow Caster.
"I hearrrrrd that," Theosofits' voice rang musically through the air.
"Drats!"
"So, that's that!" Nahomi folded up her note pad and pushed it, along with the pencil into a pocket of her voluminous gingham apron. She screwed down the spyglass and stuffed it into another pocket. "I guess I've done all the solving I need to do for a while now. I am going to start on down the Muddy Boot Road to go find the Wizard right now!" And she did.
"We're coming, we're coming, too!" yelled the others, making a mad scramble of brinnngs, toots and clunks to get to take one of her arms. "I thought they would," she smirked smugly, "and they did!"
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE...."
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, toot, toot!"....
Clunk, clunk, clunk....
"Yip, yip, yip"....
(To be continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:54 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 8
....."The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, toot, toot!"....
Clunk, clunk, clunk....
"Yip, yip, yip"....
...."We must be getting pretty close to OOzE," remarked Shadow Caster, rubbing his tinny hand against his tinny groin in a vain attempt to ease the itch, as he eyed the stretch up ahead on the Muddy Boot Road.
"Yeah, ole buddy," agreed Poopeyer, "looks like we're coming into Billboard Row."
"What's a Billboard Row?" asked Nahomi. "We never had a place like that in Candida!"
"Billboards are like junk mail, only bigger & heavier," offered Postal Man. "Lucky that here in OOzE they keep them on the outskirts instead of all those advertisements popping up all over town."
"Well, slow down a bit," pleaded Nahomi as they neared the area littered with billboards on both sides of Muddy Boot Road; "I want to read these. Maybe I'll learn how to set up my own billboard bs. when I go back to Candida forever."
"Jeeeeze..." moaned Shadow Caster.
"More pissin' around! Who gives a toot anyway?" Poopeyer grumbled.
"Do we HAVE to?" groaned Postal.
TaTa gave a howl, "Uuruuuuhu!"
"What a crew you all are!" Nahomi exclaimed. "Everybody's ready to jump ship, just when things get interesting. You'd think I'd raised the Jolly Roger and forced you to walk the plank! You all know it's my Duty to be enlightened, so hush up while I take some notes." So saying, Nahomi pulled out her note pad and pencil from a pocket in her voluminous gingham apron and began to view the billboards.
Visit SCOTS WELLS
Hot mineral spas to soothe stiff necks
Nightly Entertainment in the
*****SPASCHTIC LOUNGE*****
Guaranteed laughs across the board
Starring********SCOTTO********
The last funny man left standing!
"We could use a few laughs," said Poopeyer.
"Heh. Heh. Heh." sneered Shadow Caster.
"Oh, you kid!" tooted Poopeyer, as he wandered to the next board.
Eat at POCKETS GALORE
If you're (not your) wrapped up in dough!
Culinary Wizardry by CALZONE
$$$$$$$$
"Gee! Do you think Calzone is really a wizard, too?" asked Postal Man.
"Well, I heard he's always cooking up sumpin'" snickered Poopeyer.
"I dunno," drooled Nahomi, "but if he's got mac & cheese craftily rolled up in a pocket, it will make him a wizard in my lying eyes!"
"See all those dollar signs?" scoffed Shadow Caster. "We can't afford his mac & cheese pocket because we haven't even got a dime in our pockets, and I don't think he'd be giving freebies."
TaTa stood in front of the next billboard, which featured a huge drippy pizza, yipping and scraping his rear paws back through the dust on the edge of the Muddy Boot Road. "Grrr, yip, yhowl, whine..."
"What the??" puzzled Postal Man, lifting his foot to give TaTa the boot again.
"Uh, Uh, Uh!" warned Nahomi. "Don't you DARE! He's just all excited by that billboard. He can't help it....he just loves pizza!"
They all looked hungrily at the billboard that had so excited TaTa:
BOOMERANG PIZZARIA
Home of the GAG-A-GOAT PIZZA
Everything in but the Anchovey Tin
"IT KEEPS COMING BACK AT YOU!"
(By the Piece or the whole Go-Around)
Shadow Caster took a deep, longing, breath- "Sure looks good to me, too!"
"Naaw--I only like the pickled spinach and strained tofu topping," differed Poopeyer.
"Oh!" Nahomi exclaimed. "We ought to go here for a group picture before I leave OOzE; for of course, I'm never, ever, coming back once I have the mockers and all the secrets of the Universe to take back to Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net and Moanen, Pissen, and Groanen on the Net Farm in Candida. I'd like something to help me remember the way we were here in OOzE," and she pointed at a billboard with a photo of a man with white, curley hair, standing on a corner behind a tree, with a big camera clutched behind his back. The board read:
THE HOUSE OF SCHMAUSER
People Snappers
"We get the picture behind every tree!"
(or an unreasonable facsimile)
"Not me!"
"Me either!"
"Unh Unh!"
Nahomi stared at Shadow Caster, Poopeyer and Postal Man. "Why NOT, for stoooopid's sake? I love to have my picture taken! Without photos, memories can be gone in a snatch!"
"No PICTURES!" the three chorused together.
Poopeyer tried to explain, "Nahomi you just don't get it. Steephie Schmauser is the only photographer around and he's a real snake. He sells copies of people's pics to all kinds of bad people. He even doctors them up to make you look like some kind of weirdo and worse. No one with any smarts gets anywhere near Schmauser and his cameras!"
"Hmmmm....well, looks like he doesn't watch his back, either!" Nahomi tittered. "Just look at him hiding that camera behind his back to surprise some victim for his snaps, and someone snapped him! Dummy probably didn't even know where that picture came from! You're (not your) right, though--guess I'll have to see you when you light the corners of my mind, back home in Candida."
"Yeah, guess so," answered Postal Man, heaving a sad sigh, as they moved on down to the next billboard.
M'LIEGE!
Suits fit for a King!
Royal Tailoring by TOMASINA,
Queen of the Tape
&
The TCW Staff
(if you need to ask the price, you can't afford us)
"Hmmm, Mr. Shadow Caster, maybe they can cut you out of that tin can and get you into something more respectable," mused Nahomi.
"Toot, Toot, Toot!" snickered Poopeyer. "Did you read the sign?" He won't have to ask the price,--he hasn't got a dime!"
"Thanks, ole buddy," Shadow Caster snarled sarcastically. "Maybe they'll accept Queen JoJo's spinach, ya think?"
"Hey, Nahomi, look at this one!" interposed Postal Man.
SCOSHE' GARDE'
All Purpose Major Stain Repellent
A product of TRO ENTERPRISES, FR.
Spray it Everywhere!
"Maybe you could spray some of that stuff on your dress and get rid of that ridiculous voluminous gingham apron you wear!" he continued.
"There you go, mocking me again," pouted Nahomi. "Better be careful or I'll put you on my mockers list!"
"Don't be silly, Nahomi," scoffed Shadow Caster. "You know we'll be getting the truth about mockers and all the secrets of the Universe, as soon as we find the Wizard. I'd cross my heart on that for you, if I had one!"
"I guess you're (not your) right; Theosafits did tell me I'd find TRUTH when I found the Wizard of OOzE. Maybe we should hurry on, after all."
"Look---we ought to check out this one, though, Nahomi," suggested Poopeyer.
McDonald's Lea
Every Night in Concert
HOAGY & THE DRAWERS
Low Down Guitars
*****PLUS*****
SIR ROCKY
conducting
THE QUEEN JOJO BRASS BAND
********Featuring********
KEMOSABE Drumming up a storm!
(free admission, you don't even need a dime)
********A REAL MEADOW LARK********
"Well, the price is right for me!" enthused Shadow Caster.
"That figures," mumbled Postal Man.
"Snicker", Poopeyer tooted wolverineishly.
"Let's not forget who's (not whose) in control among these boards, you two!" barked Shadow Caster.
"Yeah, well who's (not whose) the tin horn looking for a free Brass Band!" retorted Poopeyer.
"Come on, guys--remember you are 'buddies'. Is that how you treat all your friends?" Nahomi put the note pad and pencil back into the pocket of her voluminous gingham apron and quickly moved on down the Muddy Boot Road.
Poopeyer looked shamefacedly at Shadow Caster, and apologized. "I'm sorry, buddy. I know we are the only friends we've got since we got booted out of the Castle on the Cliff."
"Yeah, well try to be careful, at least until I getta heart, or you might find yourself standing all alone, just like I was left, resting up against the laurels after Sir Rocky sprayed me with Instant Rusty. And to think! NOW he's the leader of Queen JoJo's big brass band! I heard back there at Castle on the Cliff that it has 76 trombones --solid brass! Must be a lotta money in spinach."
"Yeah, it's a smokin' bidness, you bet!" agreed Poopeyer.
"I thought I was going to get some clout around that Castle, before they banished me after I couldn't foolany one with my 6 figure mathematics theory. I really wanted to be the leader with all that brass. So what happens? I end up in a too tight tin suit--what Sir Rocky called the TTTS sentence. So, you see? I got reason to be stiff necked about a whole lot of things."
"Sure you do, Buddy, sure you do," Poopeyer soothed.
"You guys coming?" Postal screamed from way on down the Muddy Boat Road.
"Yeah! We're coming!" Poopeyer and Shadow Caster called back, as they clasped hands and skipped on down the road.
"We're ready to continue on our quest," said Shadow Caster to Nahomi when they caught up with the others.
"I apologized and everything," added Poopeyer.
"That rings a bell," grinned Postal Man. Brrring! Brrring!
"I figured they would," smiled Nahomi knowingly. "And they did!"
She whipped out a shiny baton from a pocket in her voluminous gingham apron and twirled it vigorously as the foursome eased on down the Muddy Boot Road, TaTa chasing his tail around their feet, while from McDonald's Lea up ahead they heard Queen JoJo's Big Brass Band strike up the march.....
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE...."
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, toot, toot!"....
Clunk, clunk, clunk....
"Yip, yip, yip"....
(To be continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:47 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 9
"The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, toot, toot!"....
Clunk, clunk, clunk....
"Yip, yip, yip"....
....The motley group marched smartly past McDonald's Lea, propelled by the blaring horns of Queen JoJo's Brass Band and the thrumming rat-a-tata of Kemosabie's drum artistry. When the music faded out behind them after a while, they slowed their pace.
Shadow Caster was clunking heavily again and they could hear the sweat sloshing where it had collected in his hollow tin legs. Poopeyer didn't seem to have a toot left in him and Postal Man, dragging his mail bag along behind him, hadn't rung his bell even once for quite a while.
Nahomi looked at her fellow questers, then at TaTa, who was giving little "oo-ooo" sounds as his tongue lolled around, then stopped abruptly--replacing her baton back into a pocket of her voluminous gingham apron.
"Halt, 1,2,3!" she commanded tardily. The others, who had been following her closely in a line, piled into each other with a clunk, a brinnng, a yip and a toot! "Oh My Guru!" she complained, "Can't you dummies control yourselves for even one minute?"
"I'm always in control here," snapped Shadow Caster.
"Like fu..n you are!" roared Postal Man.
"Well," put in Poopeyer archly, extending his foot and prodding Shadow Caster's TTTS, "since I'm the last man standing here watching you two flat on your butts on the Muddy Boot Road, I must be in control!"
TaTa could only howl and try to lick his backside where it smarted from hitting the road.
Delving once more into a pocket of her voluminous gingham apron, Nahomi withdrew the spy glass given to her by Observiant when she left Mensa, and waved it at the others. "Look", she cajoled, "I know we are all hungry and tired after reading all the ads on Billboard Row and marching to the tune of Queen JoJo's Big Brass Band, so let's not fight among ourselves. We're (not were) all we've (not weave) got, you know (not no)!"
"Right! Right!" the others chorused, but what are we gonna dooooo?"
Nahomi put the spy glass up to her eye and peered down the Muddy Boot Road. "Even though it's awful hazy up ahead to make any clear reports...I think I see something!" she exclaimed. "Down the road just a ways is a sign that says Zee Parlour EAT & REST, in blinking red and blue lights. Maybe we can get some food in exchange for washing dishes or something."
"You wash, I can only dry up," Shadow Caster intoned in his most logical manner.
"Maybe I'll trade some spinach smokes instead," ventured Poopeyer.
"And I could brinnng a tune or two," suggested Postal Man.
"Oh My GURU!" Nahomi huffed, "I never saw three people so afraid of getting their hands clean! Do what you want...I'm heading straight for Zee Parlour!" And she did.
Naturally, it wasn't two seconds before she heard the commotion they were making as they stumbled after her. And she smiled knowingly.
Ten minutes later, (though it seemed like years and years) they were crowding through the door of Zee Parlour, stopping short when they saw a tall man, all in blue with white gloves and a black cape that swirled out a red satin lining as he turned swiftly to greet them with a, "Gooot Even-ing. Velcomin to Zee Parlour. Vhat can I dooo fooor yooou?"
The group looked at each other, tongue tied by the sight before them. Finally, Nahomi stepped forward, "Hello, ummmm Sir. I'm Nahomi from Candida, and this is my Rapid Doggie, TaTa. Lurking behind my back there are Shadow Caster, Poopeyer and Postal Man, we are...."
"Vait a min-ute! Vait a min-ute! I deed not aazk whooo yooou vere, I aazked vhat I could dooo fooor yooou."
Poopeyer stuck his head out around Nahomi and said, "You can feed us, that's what you can do!"
Clunk! Shadow Caster kicked Poopeyer in the shin. "Looooser! You'll make him mad," he hissed.
"Well, he aaazked," Poopeyer hissed back.
"Please forgive my friends," Nahomi apologized. "We're all very hungry and tired and we haven't got a dime...."
"I zaaaid, I dooo nooot carrre whooo yooou aarrre, boot ooonly vhaaat I caaan dooo fooor yooou!"
"Vell...errrr...well, SIR," Nahomi's voice had an edge to it now (she was never long on patience), "can we exchange some work for a bit of macaroni and cheese and a place to rest comfortably for a while?"
"Work??" croaked Shadow Caster, "Did you say, WORK?!!"
"Shhh," warned Postal Man. "Even you can get used to w-o-r-k, if you are really hungry."
"NOT!" snickered Poopeyer.
"Vellll, I zeee yooou aarre alll verrrry ex-zauzted and obwiouzllly ztaaarwing, zo please ztepp intooo oourrr Parlour. I muzt inzizt, though, that the an-i-mal remain outzide. Ve villll zee heee izz taken carrre oooff."
"Grrrr," TaTa grumbled, shaking his head from side to side and moving closer to Nahomi.
"Oh, no, Sir! TaTa goes with me everywhere! He's housebroken and all--most of the time. It's just when he drinks too much that he messes up a bit. And he doesn't eat much--just a couple of hunks of Spam will do nicely."
"Mmmm, mmmmph!" doggie grinned TaTa, now shaking his head up and down.
"Eeef yooou zay zoo, Zzzpyzy izzz herrre to please," he acquiesced with a nod. "Come now, enterrr zee Parlour and take zome zeats. Nahomi, I zink yoou vill find ze red zatin tufvet near the cofve table werrrry comfortable. Zhaaadooow Caaazterrr, zo I knoow you vould luff a zeat on zee couch, zat iz impozzible. Yooou arrre much tooo ztiff to be accommodated. Prop yourzelve overrr zerrre against zee vireplaze. Zee ozers...pleeze to be zeeted on ze couch. Pleeze--no zmoking in zee Parlour. Zee veb decorazions arre werrry vlammable."
"I bet they burn easy, too," added Postal Man.
Poopeyer rolled his eyes. "Geeeze, you are sure something stoooped, Postal!"
"Quvite! Quvite!" agreed Zzzpyzy as he presented them with menus.
"But, we can't pay!" repeated Nahomi.
"Vee vill vork it outt---lay-ter. Zere are many vayz to pay off Zzzpyzy."
"Well, then--if that's the case--I'll have the Vly Zoup Vlorentine!" Poopeyer ordered, putting away his pipe.
"Loki's Zpezial sounds great for me!" came from Shadow Caster. "I love 'garbonzoz and red hot chiliez zauted' in cazter oil'...I think."
"I'll get whatever Nahomi has," Postal Man requested meekly.
Nahomi smiled politely and said, "Well then, we'll have the 'mocarooni and cheeze cazzarole in a wry bread bowl for two'. Extra cheeze, please."
"Eggz-alent choize! And for zee an-i-mal, ze 'Zzpam Roberto', yez?"
"Yip! Yip!"
"I villll beee right baack wiz your revrezments, and pleeze to revrain from touching zee web wallz at any time, for your (not you're) own zafety. They are werry delicate Ruzzian laze and eet eez bezt not to ztir or zhake zem."
"Huh?" said Poopeyer as soon as Zzzpyzy left the parlour. "Don't touch 'zee vallz'? What an idiot!"
"Maybe so, Poopeyer, but don't take any chances," warned Postal Man. "That Zzzpyzy freaks me out!"
"Yeah, if I wasn't so hungry, I'd clunk right on outta here," came from Shadow Caster.
"Fraidy cats", taunted Nahomi. "He's letting us eat free--practically." Then she set about carefully spreading her voluminous gingham apron over the red satin tuffet on which she sat.
"Just remember, nothing's free", Poopeyer intoned ominously.
"Yeah, Nahomi. You wouldn't even lend me your magical muddy army boots, let alone give them to me!"
"Well, I never did give nothing to a tin man."
"But, it's not like it's something I already have!" Shadow Caster complained.
Just then the talk was interrupted by the arrival of Zzzpyzy pushing a laden cart into the parlour. He quickly served Poopeyer his 'Vly Zoup Vlorentine', passed Shadow Caster the hot 'Loki Zpezial' with its side of tortillas, and then gave Nahomi and Postal man each a wry bread bowl of steaming 'mocarooni and cheeze'. "And zee 'Zzpam Roberto' for zee an-i-mal," he said serving TaTa with a flourish.
"I haf taken zee liberty to brinng 2 potz off tea. Tea vor two, 2 timez---vill zat be zatizvactory?"
"Ohhh, yummy! It all looks so good!" exclaimed Nahomi, "especially the mac and cheeze! It's almost....almost...."
"Sensuous", filled in Postal Man.
"Oh, I don't even know the meaning of that word", Nahomi flustered.
"Idiot!" tooted Poopeyer. "You know how innocent and naive she is!"
"And clean, she's clean, too," sobbed Postal Man. "Please forgive me, Nahomi. I apologize!"
Poopeyer snapped, "Hey! That's my gig---apologies."
"Sorry, Poopeyer."
"I told you--that's MY gig!"
"Shut up and eat, while it's still free", snarled Shadow Caster.
"I vill leaf you nooow. Enchoy your mealz aand remember...ztay avay from zee veb vallz," Zzzpyzy spoke softly, backing out of the Parlour with the serving cart.
Everything went silent, except for the sounds of hearty enjoyment as the diners smacked their lips and chewed and sipped their way through the delicious food.
"Ahhhh, that spinach in the soup must have come from Queen JoJo's spinach plot," Poopeyer reflected as he leaned back, patting his round belly; "it was toot sweet! Wish I could top it off with a sweet spinach smoke."
"You heard Zzzpyzy!" exploded Postal Man.
Poopeyer sneered, "Yep, I heard him. I heard the song and dance about not touching 'zee delicate Ruzzian veb vallz', too! What a bunch of hogwash!"
He turned around to look at the walls behind the couch, staring at the fine, interwoven web of lines, so delicate in appearance, but certainly so geometrically strong. "I mean, what's it gonna hurt to just snap it a tad?" And he did.
The others all looked at him in shock and terror.
"Ooooo, now you've gone and done it, Buddy", moaned Shadow Caster. "I'm glad I'm propped up over here...away from you...so I don't get blamed!"
Upon hearing this, Postal Man hitched to the other end of the couch, as far away from Poopeyer as he could slide.
"What are you two worried about? Nothing's gonna happen. I didn't hurt it...just thrummed it a bit. Listen. You can almost hear the vibration and...."
Suddenly, there came a scratching on the ceiling of the Parlour. Nahomi looked up from where she was sitting on the red satin tuffet, greedily spooning mac and cheeze in her own Candidan way. She froze as a vent opened in the ceiling and a thick twist of webline appeared, dropping quickly to the tuffet.
Down, down, the line came a huge figure with eight legs, alien slanted eyes gleaming from a blue and red stripped body. It settled on the red satin tuffet right beside Nahomi, and smiling in a cruel and merciless way, it said, "NOW, eet eez time to pay zee Zzzpyzy!"
"Run, Nahomi! I'll save you!" yelled Postal Man as he ran past her red satin tuffet, headed for the door.
Shadow Caster tried to kick at the Zzzpyzy, but missed and clunked to the floor.
Poopeyer picked up his pipe and blew green smoke at him, but Zzzpyzy never blinked a gleaming alien eye.
TaTa growled, but backed away, slinking out with his tail between his legs when he saw himself mirrored in the gleaming slanted eyes of Zzzpyzy.
Poopeyer helped Shadow Caster up off the floor and whispered, "Let's get outta here. Let her pick up the tab, she's probably got something to exchange in that voluminous gingham apron of hers!"
"Sounds good to me!" Shadow Caster whimpered. "We're outta here!" And they were.
Finally Nahomi broke the hypnotic gaze of Zzzpyzy and tried to jump up, but found herself stuck to the web line. "Oh My Guru! I'm stuck in the web!" she cried.
Reaching into a pocket of her voluminous gingham apron she found a pair of silver scissors. Quickly, she snipped herself free from the web line and Zzzpyzy beside her. Drawing her voluminous gingham apron around her, she jumped up from the tuffet and thoroughly terrified, she ran from the Parlour.
Out the door and down the Muddy Boot Road, her magical muddy army boots (given to her by Theosafits of the golden balls) quickly caught her up to and past her cowardly companions. Behind her she could hear the laughter coming from Zzzpyzy, "Zee hee hee, Zee har har! Zzzpyzy vill get you yet, Nahomzhki---vait and zeeeee!"
When she was far enough away, Nahomi slowed to a walk and dejectedly continued on down the Muddy Boot Road. She never looked up when the winded group behind her arrived, completely disappointed in her supposed friends.
"Uhhhh, Nahomi....don't be mad at me," Shadow Caster begged. You know I haven't got a heart. I couldn't help myself. You've got to forgive me!"
Nahomi just sniffed.
"For toot's sake, Nahomi! You know I'da smoked that Zzzpyzy if I coulda. He was wearing a Mask!"
Nahomi just harrumphed.
Postal Man edged up and took her hand. "You know I'd do anything for you, Nahomi. Except die, of course. Listen..." Brinnng, Brinnng, went his bell, only slowly and sadly now.
Nahomi just spat on the Muddy Boot Road, missing Postal Man's blue knee socks by barely half an inch.
"Uhruu? Uhruuu?" TaTa whined, rubbing against her legs.
Nahomi booted him in the butt, ever so ladylike, with her right magical muddy army boot.
Meanwhile, she lifted up her head, put on her bravest Candidan face and started skipping on down the Muddy Boot Road.
"We'll do better, Nahomi, honest! We're coming with you! We'll help you find the Wizard!" and the three linked arms and followed along behind her, TaTa skulking along beside them.
Nahomi smiled slyly. She thought they would. And they did.
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE!
"The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, toot, toot!"....
Clunk, clunk, clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To be continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:39 AM - | |
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COPYRIGHT
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 10
"The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
....Hazy as the air had been where Zzzpyzy's Parlour stood, it was still lighter there than it was as the questors made their way up the long hill out of the depths at its bottom. As they neared the top, Shadow Caster, whose stiff neck had him staring above his head most of the time, broke off his tinny song and said, "Is that the moon above the hill, there?"
Nahomi quickly pulled out her notepad and pencil from her voluminous gingham apron and said she would figure it out for him. She began to connect the dots to solve this new puzzle that was over Shadow Caster's head.
"Let me see, now....we are headed EAST on Muddy Boot Road....it is getting darker and darker....there is a big yellow ball in the sky on top of the hill....I learned on the Net Farm from Uncle Hashish that the full moon always rises in the EAST.... therefore..."
"Enough already! We get it! We get it for tooting out loud!" Poopeyer shouted. "You are the most exasperating--"
"I told you we could follow the dots," Nahomi bragged.
"Well, it's a good thing it's a full moon," Postal Man whispered. "Because it's getting really dark out and there are no street lights on the Muddy Boot Road that I can see."
"Probably too cheap to pay a lightkeeper," Nahomi offered. "There doesn't seem to be much traffic at night here, anyway."
"Or days, either," put in Shadow Caster. "I wonder what the people around here do for night life."
Whoooo? Whoooo?
"The people that live here," Shadow Caster repeated. "Can't you hear me?"
Whooo? Whooo?
"You that's whoooo! What's the matter with you all, gone deaf?"
"I didn't say anything," said Poopeyer.
Postal Man mumbled, "Me either!"
Nahomi said, "Well, let me connect the dots...."
"Oh no you don't, not again!" Poopeyer exclaimed. "Leave something for the Wizard to figure out! Besides, see that bird up in the tree over there? Didn't you ever hear an OWL on the Net farm there in Candida?"
"Actually, no. I was always tucked into my sweet little beddy bye, between my nice clean sheets, loooong before the owls came out."
Shadow Caster clapped his tin hand against his tin brow with a clunk, knocking off his ratty old ball cap. Poopeyer picked it up for him and helped him get it on his head straight, their eyes meeting and rolling with frustration.
Postal Man was looking around, trying to see between the trees that now lined the Muddy Boot Road. "You think there's any wild animals around here?" he asked shakily.
"I'm sure there are wolverines!" affirmed Poopeyer.
"And I know there must be snakes," added Nahomi. "Mr. Art, the Bell Ringer, says there are big ones he uses especially for his snake oil."
"There's got to be more big spiders than just Zzzpyzy, too!" Shadow Caster reminded them.
Postal Man's teeth were chattering now. "Wwwolverines? Ssssnakes? Ssssspiders? Oh My!"
"Yeah, it is kind of scary, come to think of it...."Poopeyer said. "Wolverines..."
"And Snakes!..." rattled Shadow Caster.
"And Spiders!..." quavered Nahomi.
"OH MY!" screamed Postal Man and took off running down the road.
"Wolverines! And Snakes! And Spiders...OH MY!"
"Wolverines! And Snakes! And Spiders...OH MY!"
"Wolverines! And Snakes! And Spiders...OH MY!"
They all ran and screamed in a panic down the Muddy Boot Road, TaTa racing to keep up and howling 'Uhruuhu', while the owl flew along overhead, repeating, "Whoooo? Whoooo?"
Nahomi finally had to stop to catch her breath, and Shadow Caster clunked up beside her gratefully. Soon, the others were standing around also, hands on their knees, taking great gasps of the cool night air.
"I had to stop," puffed Shadow Caster, "or I know I'll drown in my own sweat soon. I can feel it rising up around my belly."
"You sure that's only sweat?" asked Poopeyer. "I've been wondering what you do when you have to go to the can! Bruhahaha... choke, gasp, hoooo boy!"
"Look, you guys. We've got to figure something out. We can't be running until dawn!" Postal Man said, "and I'm too scared of all the shadows being cast, even my OWN, to hang around in one spot too long. We need to find shelter!"
"Even if there was a house around here somewhere," advised Shadow Caster, "you have no idea how hard it is to get someone to even let you lie on their couch or floor. Especially if you just don't 'look right' to them! Believe me, I've been there, done that!"
"Well, we'll keep moving, anyway," Nahomi said. "I'm sure we'll find something ...after all I do have these magical muddy army boots that Theosafits of the golden balls gave me. They've worked pretty good so far."
"Huh??" Poopeyer asked in disbelief. "You've GOT to be kidding! That episode back at Zee Parlour was good?"
"Well, we ate for free, didn't we?"
"Arrrgggghhhh," he choked in response. "What an idiot!"
"Don't be mocking me, little green man! You know where that will lead you--right to the top of my mockers list!"
"Shhhh," Postal Man hushed them. "I'm listening for wolverines and snakes and spiders...."
"Ohhhh, LOOK!" Nahomi cried.
Up ahead there was a rural mailbox at the right side of the Muddy Boot Road. It had its red flag up, and could be seen clearly, though it tilted a bit to the right.
"I think they have mail that has to go out, Postal Man. Why don't you pick it up for them? You can turn it in at the OOzE post office, if we ever get there."
"I'm not carrying one more thing than I already have," he snarled, "and I'm seriously considering to start dumping some of this junk mail I'm toting."
"You can't DO that! No littering...that would be terrible!" Nahomi scolded. "We've got to keep things clean!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah....I know. But, that story is getting kind of old....."
"Harrumph!" Nahomi turned her back on him and walked on up to the mailbox.
"Well, did you ever!"
"Wow! Look at that!"
"I can't believe it really exists!"
"Yap, yap, yap"
They all stared at the house built in the shelter of the trees. It looked like a large army boot, and a stairway zigzagged right up the front from the porch to the roof like a pair of laces. Small round windows on either side of the stairs looked like eyelets for the laces. The windows were brightly lit and from the interior came the sound of many children, laughing and playing, some crying as though their heart was breaking, and a weary adult voice was attempting to bring order to the cacophony.
"Ok, you kids...bedtime now. No more fooling around. Come here you rascal! Get over there and line up to brush your teeth! NO DIET COKE before bed, it will dissolve your teeth! I'm warning you all. I'm not afraid to use the rod on you little angels. You've all had your supper, and if you don't get to bed PRONTO, I'm going to whip you all soundly and tuck you in myself...HEY!..."
"Whew," Nahomi said. "I wonder what it would be like to have all those brothers and sisters!"
"I wonder what it would be like to have to care for all those kids!" marveled Shadow Caster.
"Yeah, especially when you can't even care for ONE!" smirked Poopeyer.
"Look at the name on the box," came from Postal Man.
"Surely Christian Anderson Home for Children," read Nahomi. "I'll bet they will give us shelter for the night. If they can handle all those kids, I'm sure we won't make much difference. Besides, we've already eaten, and I know I have a toothbrush somewhere in a pocket of my voluminous gingham apron. We can share."
"Eeeewh!" gagged Poopeyer.
"I'll let you use it before TaTa, so what's your problem?"
Nahomi swung open the iron gate and went up to the door. There was a dinner bell on the porch, but no sign of a door bell. Nahomi had an artistry with all kinds of bells though, so she just gave a tug on the rope hanging from the dinner bell.
Clang! Clang! Clang!
"Oops! A bit loud, eh?" she turned and asked her companions.
"Heh! With all the racket going on in there, it's a wonder they heard it at all!" snorted Shadow Caster.
"Then maybe I should ring it again?" and she reached for the rope.
"No, no, no! Don't do it!" cried Postal Man. "Just a minute!"
Brinnng. Brinnng.
"Oh, that's just lovely!" exclaimed Nahomi.
"I knew that thing would come in handy some day!" Postal Man smiled proudly.
"Listen!" said Poopeyer.
"I don't hear anything," answered Shadow Caster.
"Right. It's quiet. Beautifully, blessedly, QUIET. The kids must have finally gone to bed!"
Just as he finished speaking, the door opened with a tiny squeak and a tired, but lovely woman poked her head out, placing her finger on her lips for silence.
"Who are you?" she whispered.
"Well, I'm Nahomi from..." Nahomi began in her usual bright, clear, loud voice.
"Shhhhhh, softly, please. If the kids wake up again tonight, at least before the baby's two a.m. feeding, I'll go right out of my blonde head!"
Nahomi whispered now, "To make a long story longer...well, maybe I better not. We are on a quest to find the Wizard of OOzE to learn all the secrets in the Universe, and we are afraid out here in the dark with all the wolverines, snakes and spiders, OH MY!...and we wonder if you could give us shelter until morning?"
The little woman had opened the door fully now and the group could see a beautiful gray feline arched around her ankles. The woman gave a big smile and said, "Of course! As true as my name is Surely Christian Anderson, you shall surely have a safe place to rest this night. But, I cannot allow the doggie into my home."
"But, TaTa's my Rapid doggie, and he goes..."
"Nope. Won't do it. I have the children's safety to consider, and then there's Babcat here...she's very nervous around dogs... especially Rapids. I will give you a traveling cage for him to sleep in, though, so he can't get out and nothing can get in. He should be safe until the dawn comes upon him, surely."
"Well, I don't know...." hedged Nahomi.
"Maybe you don't know, but I do," broke in Postal Man and he stepped on in through the door. "It will be a blessing to spend some time without that mutt yapping, let alone how wonderful it will be to sleep safely, thanks to Surely."
"For sure! For sure!" agreed Poopeyer, and followed him in.
"I can't believe it!" Shadow Caster was stunned. "Someone is actually letting me spend a night on their couch!" and he walked on in, also.
"I don't think we can get you on a couch, with that tin all around you," Surely commiserated, "but we've got a real small closet that will keep you supported pretty well through the night. We'll leave the door open so you can come out of the closet whenever you wish. I also hear you sloshing there, quite a bit. We'll get a piece of hose and you can siphon off some of that sweat, too, if you like."
"Blubber, blubber," Shadow Caster sniveled at the kindness he was being shown.
"Well, guess I better come in, too," Nahomi said grudgingly. "If he's going to cry all over himself, I've got to be ready with Mr. Art the Bell Ringer's super Snake Oil, or he'll be too stiff to move in the morning."
Surely showed them quietly into the house where they found couches to fit all of them in the large family room. She left and came back in a flash with blankets and pillows, and a length of hose for Shadow Caster.
"This is for TaTa," she told Nahomi, handing her a doggie carrier cage. It even had a copy of the Diamond BarNone News covering the bottom, in case he had an emergency in the night.
Nahomi took it outside, and after much cajoling, she finally found a Spam flavored dog biscuit (especially for Scosh Terror Rapids), in a pocket of her voluminous gingham apron, and tricked him into the cage, whereupon she quickly shut the cage door and locked it. "Sorry, TaTa, but we have to do what's best for the majority," she reasoned.
TaTa just turned his back on her and let out a puff of Spam gas.
"K, if that's how you're (not your) going to be!" and she went inside and closed the door softly after her, though she really wanted to slam it.
Inside, Surely had given icy cold diet soda drinks to everyone. They had filled her in on what they were hoping to get from the Wizard of OOzE.
"I hear you're going to try to get all the secrets of the Universe from the Wizard," she included Nahomi in the conversation. "Maybe you'll get some to help me make these kids a wonderful life without going crazy myself. If so, would you stop by on your way back and enlighten me?"
"Oh, no! I'm never, ever coming back. Once I have all the secrets of the Universe, I'm going home to Candida to enlighten Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen, all the folks on the Net Farm. It's my duty."
"Well, I'd never stop anyone from doing their duty," replied Surely. "Speaking of which, there are three bathrooms on this floor. I'd suggest brushing your teeth.... OH! I'm sorry! I spend so much time telling the kids what to do, I forget when I'm around adults. You are adults, aren't you?"
"Well," spoke up Postal Man. "Nahomi is very innocent and naive, though she never told us her age. And she's so clean, I'm even going to use the toothbrush she has, after her! The rest of us are adults."
"Cross my heart," said Shadow Caster.
"Yeah, sure, cross your heart!" snickered Poopeyer.
"Remarkable!" Surely responded, with a puzzled look on her pleasant face. "Well, I'm sure you will want an early start in the morning....so I'll say, 'Goodnight'." And she did.
Bong...Bong...Bong...
Nahomi awoke from a deep sleep to the sound of the grandfather clock in the dining room striking three. The family room was dark; the full moon outdoors already sinking around the curve of the earth, and of course, Surely had pulled the shutters to give the sleepers an even more secure feeling from the wolverines, snakes and spiders. OH MY!
Suddenly the room was flooded with a brilliant light. Nahomi shaded her eyes and Shadow Caster, Poopeyer and Postal Man jerked awake, the light having permeated even into their dreams of riches and love.
Peeking under the shield of her hand, Nahomi saw a petite, and beautiful figure in the middle of the bright glow. Feathery wings arched gracefully behind her, and her little, perfect feet rested on a puffy wisp of cloud.
"Who...what are you?" she asked.
"Shhhh," whispered the figure. "I am Archeal, the Guardian Angel of OOzE. I have come to tell you that there is much evil afoot! You must leave immediately, if not sooner, to find the Wizard. Your journey's end is only about eight and a half miles from here and you must leave now to assure your safety."
"But what about Ms Surely?" asked Postal Man. "She'll be wondering about us!"
"I will cast a spell upon her that will make her forget you have ever been here. That way no one can find your location from anything she may say."
"It's that dangerous?" queried Shadow Caster, nervously, staring over his head.
"That dangerous!" affirmed Archeal. "Not only can I not explain what is over your head, I can only warn you that there is danger all around you. I AM able to say, 'Beware the Whirlwind and stay away from the City of Lost Children!' Now GO, quickly!"
And they did.
They hesitated only a second to see the glowing Archeal fade into the night, and stopping to release TaTa from his cage, they tiptoed down the walk, listening to the rustlings of the birds starting to move in the trees and the distant sound of the peepers from the pond out back of the unusual home of Surely Christian Anderson.
"Wish we didn't have to go so soon," complained Poopeyer. "I'll bet Surely would make a whopping good breakfast!"
"I'm so scared, I'm not even hungry," moaned Shadow Caster, opening the big iron gate.
"Well, Archeal said if we left right away to find the Wizard, we'd be safe...probably. And we did," reasoned Nahomi.
They were now quite a way down the Muddy Boot Road--far enough so that they wouldn't wake the children at the home. Nahomi lifted her head to the east, waiting for the dawn, and clasping hands with the others, started the last eight and a half miles of their quest.
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
"The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE...."
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:32 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 11
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE"....
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"...
....They had been trudging along for quite a while, anxiously looking at the sky ahead of them, where dark clouds appeared to be roiling, fighting any attempts by the sun to light their way.
"Will the dawn never come?" Postal Man quavered.
"I don't see the light at all!" answered Poopeyer. A bit of lightening flickered ahead, followed by a distant, baroooom of thunder, as though the heavens were agreeing that Poopeyer and the troops were indeed in the dark.
Nahomi whipped out her notepad and pencil from her voluminous gingham apron and proceeded to connect some dots, squinting in the gray, misty air. "Let me see...we cannot see the sun, even though it is surely morning...the air is heavy and misty...there is lightening in the dark clouds up ahead...we can hear thunder.....Why, guys, I've got it! It's going to rain!"
"RAIN??" squealed Shadow Caster. "It can't rain, it will ruin our parade to OOzE, let alone how it will rust me up completely!"
"Don't worry, I've got this umbrella!" Nahomi reassured him, reaching into another pocket of her voluminous gingham apron and whipping out the little cocktail umbrella that Surely Christian Anderson had given them with their icy cold diet sodas, earlier."
Shadow Caster looked at her with disgust. "Can you really be that dumb?"
"Stooopid, Stooopid!" tooted Poopeyer.
"Yeah," Postal Man added, "do you seriously believe we can all fit under that umbrella?"
Poopeyer could only respond to Postal Man's statement in his best G.E.D. "English I" manner, "ARRRGGGGHHH!"
"Think I'm stoooopid, eh?" sulked Nahomi, "watch THIS!" and she stomped her magical muddy army boots on the Muddy Boot Road in true naughty girl tantrum style.
Immediately a small golden glow broke through the gloom and Theosafits rolled in on one of her golden balls. "You stomped?" she smiled. "Is this a real emergency?"
"Yes it is, Oh Great Theosafits!" Nahomi exclaimed in relief.
"Bet your sweet patooty!" put in Poopeyer, while Shadow Caster could only sob, "It's gonna rain....I'm gonna be all wet!"
"As if that's anything new," mumbled Postal Man.
"WHAT?!" roared Shadow Caster, curling his tinny hand into a tinny fist, and twisting his tinny face into an almost nuclear explosive device.
Postal Man backed away from the angry man in the TTTS, who appeared more postal than he had ever been himself. "Ddddon't gggo Chernobyl on me! I-I-I just meant th-th-that I'm used to being in the rain. Nnneither rain, nor sssnow"....TaTa ran up to Postal Man's ankles and snapped and nipped the air around him, snarling angrily, "....nor even Scosh Rapid Terrors, shall deter me from my route and all that rot," finished Postal Man more strongly, as he booted TaTa a foot or two down the road....again.
"People, people, please," pleaded Theosafits, "calm down and listen to me. I have many other important things to do today, besides listen to you squabble and protect you from yourselves!"
Nahomi shoved her notepad and pencil back into her voluminous gingham apron and gave the others a withering look, as she addressed Theosafits. "I know, Ma'am, and I wouldn't have stomped, except we don't want to be all wet, and we have only this one little umbrella to protect us from the rain. It's especially bad for Shadow Caster, because you know he's already getting stiff just from this hazy mist, let alone a rain storm....and then there's the lightening! You can imagine how his wet, TTTS will attract it! With all the sweat in there, it might just boil him right in his can!"
"Thanks for sharing that," Shadow Caster glared at Nahomi, "you really made my day!"
"Have a heart, S.C.!" came from Postal Man. "You know she's only telling it like it is!"
Poopeyer snickered, "Maybe I can pop a couple handfulls of spinach up your sleeve to steam at the same time!"
Shadow Caster just stared at them all and started to sob. "Even my supposed friends don't take my problems seriously," he blubbered. "Woe is me."
Theosafits tried again. "Here's what is coming down. This is a very necessary rain. It is called the cleansing rain. A time for people of OOzE and all surrounding areas to repent for their misdeeds and leave their less noble ways, is necessary to keep peace, order and sanity in this world. It is true, the cleansing rain can be very harmful to some who feel they do not need to be cleansed, or whose armor against the world does not measure up to the onslaught of nature, and that is why I come today at the stomp of Nahomi. I will do everything I can to keep Shadow Caster from being washed away in the cleansing. Of course, he does not have a heart, so I may not be able to do enough, but I shall try."
With that, she took her golden wand and tapped four times on the tiny umbrella Nahomi held in her hand. Instantly a large, voluminous, rainbow striped umbrella appeared in the hand of each of the travelers.
"That's IT?" Shadow Caster exclaimed with disbelief. "That's all you're (not your) gonna do to save me?"
"I am sorry, Shadow Caster, but that is it. I do not have the ability to stop this world and let you off during the cleansing rain. It would not be the right thing to do, even if I did have the power. The cleansing is called for all the living, because it is called by those who most need it. Put the umbrella over your head and be sheltered by it as best you can. The rest is up to Karma, tGoCR."
"tGoCR?" queried Nahomi.
Theosafits smiled. "Yes, Karma is the Goddess of Cleansing Rain. She rains on everyone's parade, sooner or later. Now I must go." And she did.
"Gee, do you think Karma was the something evil coming this way that Archeal the Guardian Angel warned us about?" asked Postal Man.
"Actually, she said there was danger all around us," Nahomi mused. "Of course, it could be worse...it could be acid rain, you know."
"Geeez....you really push my Idiot button sometimes, Nahomi! You. Are. An. Idiot!"
"Sometimes, Poopeyer?" asked Shadow Caster. "What about ALLLL the time!"
Nahomi sniffed! "Well, I stomped you up an umbrella didn't I? You are one ungrateful wretch, Shadow Caster. I hope we get to the Wizard soon. I don't know how much more of your (not you're) sarcasm I can take. And you are starting to SMELL real bad, too. You could use a cleansing rain!"
"Yep, Yip, Yep," doggie grinned TaTa, as he sniffed around Shadow Caster's legs.
"Come on, come on, let's get moving!" urged Postal Man. "The quicker we get through the dark clouds and cleansing rain, the better I'll feel. I've snapped the cover over my mail bag real tight so the Wizard's mail doesn't get wet, and now I'm heading on down the road." And he did....followed quickly by the others.
Lightening flickered in the distance, a soft barooom of thunder sounded once more and the trees rustled ominously on either side of the Muddy Boot Road. "Brrrrr," shivered Nahomi, "I'm never, ever, ever coming back here. Once I have all the secrets of the Universe to bring back to Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net on the Net farm, and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen, I'm going straight home to Candida and a nice hot bowl of macaroni and cheese!"
Plop. Plop. Plop Plop. Plop Plop Plop. Spitter, Spatter, plop plop plop plop. The rain began and increased in earnest, intent on cleansing the consciences of the people of the hazy world all across the board on Karma Day. It was a sad sight to behold, those questers, as they huddled under their umbrellas for a while, then doggedly sloshed down the Muddy Boot Road, depressed and miserable.
Nahomi finally looked up and cried, "What the hoooo?!! It's only rain! We're still on our way to OOzE! We might as well get there, singing in the rain!" And they did.
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:24 AM - | |
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