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Memories and Moments
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Tuesday September 5, 2006
Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 12
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE"
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
....Through the plop plop of the rain drops, trudged the damp and weary quartet. TaTa tried to squeeze between Postal Man and Nahomi, so that he could get some shelter from either of their large, voluminous rainbow striped umbrellas which they kept rigidly over their head. Postal Man surreptitiously nudged him away with the tip of his walking shoe so often, though, that the doggy hair on TaTa's head was plastered down over his eyes and his coat dripped constantly on Nahomi's magical muddy army boots. Shadow Caster was sloshing along, trying to keep as much of his TTTS under his umbrella as possible, and Poopeyer was filling the air under his umbrella with green spinach haze puffed out from his fiercely smoking pipe.
They had all stopped singing--each intent on wondering how they had gotten themselves into such a mess. Up another hill they went, walking right into the dark thunderhead and flashing lightening ahead of them, and the cleansing rain kept on pouring down all around them.
"We shall gather at the river, the beautiful, beautiful, ri-i-ver! We shall gather at the..."
"Do you hear that?" asked Nahomi. "Hear those voices singing?"
"Yeah, I heard it. Who would be stoooopid enough to be out singing in this weather?" asked Poopeyer.
"Let's hurry," pushed Postal Man. "It sounds like it's coming from the other side of this hill!"
"Moannnnn..." was all that Shadow Caster could contribute, as he was growing stiffer and stiffer.
Poopeyer and Postal Man each took one of his tinny arms and half lifted him, half dragged him up to the top of the hill. They all stood on the crest, trying to see what was going on down below--an almost impossible task in the hazy air and heavy rain.
"We shall gather at the river, the beautiful, beautiful, ri-i-ver..." the song from voices below kept wafting up to them, tantalizing them to see what was going on down below.
Nahomi decided to use the spy glass that Observiant had given her and quickly removed it from the pocket of her voluminous gingham apron and put it to her eye, under the cover of her umbrella. "Whoa!" she exclaimed. There IS a river at the bottom of this hill. I spy a lot of people wandering around down there, too, but I can't make any of them out, it's just too hazy to see well."
"Does the river go across Muddy Boot Road?" asked Poopeyer.
"Yes, right across and it's high and wide, too!"
"That does it! We're done for, how we gonna get to the Wizard now?" moaned Shadow Caster. "It's a cinch I can't swim it, and we haven't got a dime to pay for a boat!"
Postal Man, all a-tremble said, "Dddddo you think it's even sssafe to go down among all the people there? We ddddon't know who they are, and Archael dddid say there was danger ahead!"
"Well, we just don't have a choice," Nahomi stated firmly. "It is my duty to get to the Wizard and learn all the secrets of the Universe, and since I was told to follow the Muddy Boot Road there, that's what I'm going to do!" And she did.
The others clustered closely to her and they edged carefully on down the hill toward the singers below, until they were close enough to see and hear more clearly. The singing was coming from the other side of the river, and they could now see that there was a bridge crossing over the river. The entrance to the bridge was blocked by a gate, firmly locked, and beside it, under a huge umbrella, seated on a high stool with a calculater on a lecturn in front of him, sat an officious looking man. He had a high top hat and big owlish-looking eye glasses sat on a sharp pointed nose. When he caught sight of them, standing in a lump at the edge of the Muddy Boot Road, he waved them over.
"Come on, come on," he called stridently. "Get a move on, now....you're holding up the line!"
The group looked behind and all around themselves, and could not see another soul. "Oh, oh, another coconut," Poopeyer whispered to Nahomi behind his hand.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," she whispered back, and walked over to the lecturn and stared right up into the owlish glasses of the man on the stool.
"Ahem," she cleared her throat. "I am Nahomi from Candida, and this is my Rapid Doggie, TaTa. We are going on a quest with my friends over there, to find the Wizard of OOzE. Since we must follow the Muddy Boot Road, and a river runs through it, we need to use the bridge to get across and continue our quest. Will you let us through?"
"Well, that all depends," answered the man.
"On what?"
"You know of course, this is the feast day of Karma, tGoCR? All the people are gathering at the other side of the river to be cleansed."
"Well, we will be cleansed, also, if that's what it takes to be enlightened," answered Nahomi.
"Wait a minute, Nahomi" interrupted Shadow Caster. "If this cleansing has anything to do with water, you have to count me out. I'm not going any farther. It's too dangerous! Just behold the rage in that river!"
"S.C., get it through your head!" admonished Poopeyer hoarsely. "There just ain't no way but straight across that river. We'll explain about your problem with cleansing when we get to the other side! Let Nahomi wheel and deal for now!"
"OK, but I don't like the feel of this. Not at all," moaned Shadow Caster, backing off.
The man on the high stool had listened carefully and now looked owlishly at Nahomi before he spoke. "If you are all going, you must submit to the entry tests first, then," he informed her.
"Oh! I'm good at tests," said Nahomi, whipping out her notepad and pencil from a pocket in her voluminous gingham apron. She was now having a time, juggling the spy glass, umbrella, pad and pencil, all at one time, so she collapsed the glass and put it back into her pocket and asked Postal Man to hold the umbrella over her head while she poised her pencil, ready to take the test.
"My name is Ree Publican," began the tester. "I am here to test each person who wishes to cross the Raging River via the Muddy Boot Bridge before their entry. First, you must all pass one by one in front of the lecturn for the brain scan to check for truthfulness, and then there will be a simple mathematics exercise to test your account ability. Begin."
"But, that's what we are going to see the Wizard for!" cried Nahomi. "Theosafits of the golden balls said the WIZARD would give us truth! Of course, my notepad and pencil here shows you how much account ability I have! What a silly test!"
Ree Publican was nonplussed at Nahomi's speech. "You still have to pass in front of my scanner!" he ordered. "I am here to protect all the people on the other side from the terror of trolls and other monsters."
"Ttttttrolls?" stuttered Postal Man. "There are trolls around here?"
"Oh yes, they hide in the bush and shrubs around here. Every so often they try to get to the other side and are caught by the brain scan and thrown into the Raging River, where they lurk beneath the bridge, waiting to feast upon the fear of some cowardly soul."
"Gee, wonder who THAT would be," Poopeyer scoffed, nudging Shadow Caster.
"OK, OK, if you insist," Nahomi agreed. "I'll walk in front of your old brain scanner!" And she did.
"Hmmmm," mused Ree Publican. "Your brain is bigger than I thought it would be, and amazingly it shows that you think that what you believe is the truth, so that will have to do, I guess. Now for a count ability test. I'll give you an easy one. What are two plus two?"
"I've got it, just a second now, hmmmm," Nahomi started figuring on her notepad. "I know all I have to do is follow the dots. One....One....One...."
"Oh, for heaven's sake! I can't stand this. If you all take this long, you won't be over there in time for the cleansing." Ree Publican jumped down from his high stool to unlock the gate and everyone just stared at the midget.
"Now there's a twist," smirked Poopeyer. "Usually it's a big guy like you, Shadow Caster, who has a midget brain. Ree Publican is a midget with a giant brain--go figure!"
Shadow Caster was too frightened by the sound of the Raging River to reply to Poopeyer's erudite G.E.D. observation, and it took both Nahomi and Postal Man to pry his tin hands from either side of the gate, while Poopeyer pushed from behind to get him on his way over the Muddy Boot Bridge.
"Bye, Mr. Ree Publican. Thank you for your help with our account ability!" called Nahomi as she followed her friends to continue their quest.
"Snarl, growl, howl," TaTa snapped at the side of the bridge when a scaley hand with a long pointed nail tried to claw between the rails.
"Cut that out, TaTa! You ignore that troll and it will ignore you. It probably doesn't really exist anyway! Just one more figment of your imagination," Nahomi scolded.
Listening to the song of those gathering at the Raging River bank, the group soon crossed over the bridge and had left their restless fears behind them. All except for Shadow Caster. There was something about the word cleansing that he couldn't quite take, and he just didn't know why.
"Pssst, Nahomi," Shadow Caster sidled over to whisper into her ear, "tell you what. Let's just sneak real easy through this crowd and maybe they won't even notice us. Then we can get away without being cleansed and move on down the road, OK?"
They were being pushed and nudged on every side, and the people who had already been cleansed were shaking hands and congratulating each other.
"I dunno, S.C., those people don't seem to be any the worse for their cleansing. See how their name tags glow in the dark after they are cleansed? It's a sight to behold!"
For sure, tags were glowing everywhere. "Wun", GOM, Lu, 'M.Thoreau', MICK, JSB, Rocky, 'Celestine', on and on, Shadow Caster could behold those who had been cleansed. Still his heart would have been beating like a trip hammer, if he'd had one. Something about those people, those names, all so familiar yet merely seeing their names glowing in the hazy dark all around him, frightened him so! He was sure that if he were cleansed, he would cease to exist!
"No, no, Nahomi! Poopeyer! Postal Man! Let's sneak away!"
So startled were his companions by his abject fear, that they never argued with Shadow Caster. Stealthily they curled their way through the singing Cleansed, keeping their heads down so that no Wun or JSB would recognize them as they snaked their way out of the Raging River bank and climbed the short rise to continue their trek on the Muddy Boot Road.
"I'm never ever going through that again," Nahomi mumbled. "I'm so ashamed for being so frightened of all those nice people. I don't know how I let Shadow Caster get to me!"
They all walked with their heads down, rain dripping unceasingly from their large, voluminous rainbow striped umbrellas. The cleansing rain had never touched them. But would they still have to answer to Karma some day? According to Theosafits, they would. And they did.
They slogged on until the sounds of "We shall gather at the River" were left behind. Shadow Caster could not look any of them in the eye, and Poopeyer for once hadn't had a smart alec toot to say since they'd left the river bank.
"Karma Day will be over very soon," Nahomi finally broke the silence. "I'll bet the sun will come out tomorrow!"
"For sure! For sure!" tooted Poopeyer, "Bet your bottom dollar, tomorrow there'll be sun!"
"Yeah, tomorrow!" added Postal Man. "There's always tomorrow!"
"Tomorrow," mumbled Shadow Caster. "One more day without a heart." And he tried to wipe a tear from his eye with his tinny forefinger. "Damn, Nahomi...that eye that you squirted with snake oil still bothers me!"
"I know, ole Buddy, I know," Poopeyer patted him on his tinny back side and straightened out his ratty old ball cap on his tinny head. "We'll be getting to the Wizard soon. That'll straighten you out!"
"That's what I'm afraid of," mourned Shadow Caster. "That's what I'm afraid of."
"Well, I'll worry about that tomorrow!" Nahomi spoke up brightly. "We ALL will! But, for now...."
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:19 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 13
...."The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE"
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
....Plop Plop Plop....Plop Plop...Plop..Plop, drops of the Cleansing Rain slowed, stuttered and then stopped. The last few driplets trickled from the large, voluminous, striped umbrellas--several splashing right into TaTa's eye as he turned his muddied head up to Nahomi to see if she had noticed the change in the weather. "Rrruuu," he let out, shaking his tubby body hard enough to spatter Postal Man's blue knee socks.
He was, of course, rewarded by a nudge from the shoe of the irritated postal man, who just HATED Rapid Scosh Terror dogs and rain, in whatever order they presented themselves to him. "I swear, if I can't get shuck of that mangy cur, I'll never deliver another post as long as I live!" Postal Man exploded.
"He's MY special doggie!" Nahomi steamed. "HE's going back to Candida with me forever and ever, not YOU, so you can go ahead and deliver your silly, dumb, posts as long as the soles on your shoes hold out! So THERE!"
"Ahhh, don't be like that Nahomi. You know I loves ya!" Postal Man sucked up his drooping belly and courageously added, "It's just the company you keep that riles me. That silly dog that you keep scooping poop for...a moaning, rusty, old piece of walking tin, and for gosh sakes--that green little critter and his obnoxious pipe! You don't even like spinach!"
"Well, contrary to popular opinion, Postal Man, I am not the company I keep. These people, for whatever selfish reasons they may have had, promised to help me on my quest for the Wizard...so I'm sticking to them like a fly on a glued board. So come or stay, it's your choice," Nahomi finished.
Shadow Caster and Poopeyer smirked in a sickening, self-satisfied way at Postal Man. Even TaTa had an "I told you so" doggie sneer as he sidled up and shook more Cleansing Rain leavings on him.
Postal Man sighed and mumbled, "You know I'll stick with you, Nahomi, as long as there's the slightest chance I might get to go to Candida and be with you forever."
Nahomi smiled knowingly and continued down the Muddy Boot Road, followed by Shadow Caster and Poopeyer. TaTa was still running in circles around Postal Man's heels as they brought up the rear. "Cleansing Rain, HAH! Didn't do a damn thing for you, dumb dog. You still stink!" and he booted TaTa away from him. Again.
"Toot Toot! Here comes the sun!" sang out Poopeyer as they reached the top of the hill. And it did! Stretched out before them was a long, level stretch of the Muddy Boot Road. The sun spotlighted the red bricks, newly cleansed by the rain, and was rapidly drying out a puddle left here and there. The forest on either side still twinkled with diamond like drops of moisture, but there was no doubt that it was going to be a bright, bright, sunshiny day.
"Stop here and close your umbrellas," Nahomi said, doing just that with her large, voluminous, rainbow striped, Cleansing Rain protector. The others followed suit, Poopeyer lifting his arm to sling his umbrella into the forest.
"Don't do that!" Nahomi screamed. "That was a gift from Theosafits. You can't just be throwing away gifts of friendship like that! Besides, you never know when you'll need the protection of that umbrella again or the friend that gave it to you! And you call everyone else stoooopid! Geesh!"
"Well, it's too much of a burden for me to carry, so I'm chucking it!" Poopeyer stubbornly maintained.
"So, give up your gift of friendship to me, and I'LL carry it in my voluminous gingham apron!" Nahomi charged, "the rest of you do the same thing. I'll keep Theosafits' friendship safe in my pocket until we reach the Wizard, since the purpose of the umbrella seems to be over your heads!" And they did.
While they stood around, stretching their arms out to the warmth of the sun and watching Nahomi trying to stuff the umbrellas into various pockets of her voluminous gingham apron, TaTa perked up his head and ran back a ways, giving little warning yaps.
"What's his problem, I wonder?" asked Shadow Caster, "I don't hear anything."
"That's because you have tin ears," answered Poopeyer. I hear the sound of horses' hooves and a bugle!"
"So do WE!" agreed Nahomi and Postal Man.
Sure enough, a troop of horses were creating a small whirlwind of dust as they galloped up the hill leading from the Raging River. The riders carried banners in their hands and a young man with a horn blared a Ta Raaa TAATAA at the barking dog, warning him off or else.
"Oh MY! Oh MY!" screamed Poopeyer, Shadow Caster and Postal Man. "It's Queen JoJo's men from FACT! We've got to hide, hide, hide!" And they did, running off into the trees, closely followed by TaTa, who was so frightened he had left a deposit of spammy doo-doo, right next to the left of Nahomi's magical muddy army boots.
"Men from FACT? I wonder what that is?" she spoke out loud to herself as she automatically grabbed the plastic bag with dried brown clumps in it, and finding a stone, scraped more of TaTa's spammy doo-doo into it.
"Fugitive Alert Crusaders Troops, Miss!"
"Ohhh My! You frightened me!" Nahomi hadn't noticed the leader of the horsemen nosing his horse up to her while she bent over, doing her duty--cleaning up after TaTa.
"Sorry, but we have a few questions to ask you."
"About what? I don't know anything. I'm on my way to the Wizard of OOzE to find out all the secrets of the Universe, though. Maybe you could check back later?"
"It's this way Miss...."
"I know that! Theosafits of the golden balls told me I'd find the Wizard, going this way down the Muddy Boot Road!"
"Uhhhh, I meant that this is the situation, Miss...."
"What's that spray can you've got in your hand?" Nahomi peered suspiciously up at the handsome knight on his white charger.
"This is Instant Rusty; you see, I'm Sir Rocky and we are all knights of Queen JoJo's exclusive Round Couch. We are out on a Code E alert. Recently a Tin Man escaped from his sentence to being rusted in a Too Tight Tin Suit and I am here to find him and spray him once and for all, then bring him back to lean on the laurels back a long way on the Muddy Boot Road. We've just left the Muddy Boot Bridge and Ree Publican, the brain scanner, said that someone fitting his description crossed over the bridge early this morning. Have you seen him?"
"Oh, no, Sir!" Nahomi crossed the fingers of her right hand behind her back. "I don't know anyone by the name of Tin Man."
Now another knight edged his silvery stallion up beside Sir Rocky's white charger. "Then have you seen a little green man smoking a foul smelling pipe? -- at least we think it's the pipe that smells so foul.
I am Sir Heggy, and Queen JoJo has given me the pleasure of finding this green man and bringing him back to face charges of dereliction of duty in protecting the Royal Spinach Fields, and suspicion of absconding and/or bartering with a substantial quantity of the product therefrom."
"I don't know anyone by the name of Little Green Man," and Nahomi crossed the fingers of her left hand behind her back.
"I am Lord Kemosabe," began a third rider, nudging his shiny black mount up to the group. It snorted through firey nostrils and reared just a bit as it caught the scent of TaTa's doo-doo in the pocket of Nahomi's voluminous gingham apron pocket. "Easy there, ClickIt, boy...easy!" soothed Kemosabe, taking firmer rein.
"I represent the gubmint," he continued. "I am looking for a mail carrier that has disappeared with a bag full of very sensitive junk mail. He is a very nervous, short-tempered person...actually postal at times. People at the bank of the Raging River said they thought they'd seen someone with a big bag on his shoulder in their midst during the Cleansing this morning. Has he come this way?"
"Mail Carrier? Never heard of anyone called 'Mail Carrier', sorry." Now Nahomi crossed her arms behind her back.
"As the three knights turned away, one handsome, tall, brawny blond knight edged his chocolate fudge steed up to Nahomi, removed his peaked cap and swooped it in a bow so low that the feathers on it almost touched the tips of her magical muddy army boots. "Miss, one more question, if you please. I am Sir Dan of the EPA of Queen JoJo's queendom. There have been reports to our office that an alien animal fell from the sky and has been befouling our roads and fields with a spammy smelling excrement. I must capture this alien animal, heard to be called 'doggie' and take it to be impounded until it is checked for physical and mental suitability for our realm. Have you seen or smelled anything of this doggie?"
"Don't know anything about something called doggie" and this time Nahomi crossed the only thing left besides her eyes--her legs.
Ta Raaa TAA TAA! Came the call of the bugle again.
"What's that guy TaaTaaing about?" asked Nahomi. "I said I don't know any doggie!"
"That is just young Tilos, blowing his horn again, calling us to continue with our crusade for right and justice and the mysteries of the unknown. We heard rumors that these fugitives were in the company of a young girl, and they were attempting to reach The City of Lost Children to hide among all the anonymous gathered there. We must then, be on our way!" And they were, in a blare from the young man with the horn and a whirl of dust from their horses' hooves.
When the dust from the horses could no longer be seen, and even after the sound of their hooves on the red brick Muddy Boot Road had faded away, Shadow Caster, Poopeyer, Postal Man and TaTa crept out from the trees of the forest where they had been hiding.
"Whew, that was close!" Postal Man breathed deeply and coughed.
"I knew they wouldn't see us behind the trees, because of the forest," gloated Poopeyer.
"Huh?" queried Shadow Caster.
Poopeyer started to repeat, "I said I knew they wouldn't see us..."
"I know what you said, I just can't believe you were stooooped enough to say it!"
"How about untwisting me here," suggested Nahomi. She still stood by the edge of the road, arms crossed behind her, fingers crossed on both hands and her legs wedged into a firmly shaped X.
Poopeyer and Postal Man rushed to her side and started unwinding her limbs, massaging her arms, but Nahomi batted Postal Man away when he went for her legs.
"Grrrrr..." came from TaTa, nipping at Postal Man's hand. "Nasty cur!" he snapped back.
Shadow Caster was clunking around with a big grin on his tinny face. "Way to LIE, Nahomi!" he cheered. "You can always tell when the company you keep is doing you good! You'd never have been able to pull that off, before you joined up with us!"
Nahomi gave him a drop dead look.
"A., Mr. Too Tight Tin Suit, I did not lie...I had my fingers crossed!"
"B., They did not ask for any of you by name.
"C., I did not join up with YOU; YOU joined up with ME!
"D., I am not keeping company with you. At least only until I find the Wizard and get all the secrets in the Universe! Then I'm going home to Candida with TaTa and never, ever, coming back here to be in your company again!"
Shadow Caster was jerked backward with every point that Nahomi spat out at him. Thoroughly stunned, he froze his special pouty tin face for all to see, and turned his back on Nahomi.
"If that's over," reasoned Poopeyer, "does anyone want to discuss the fact that there was a whirlwind of dust when the FACT group rode in, AND they mentioned they were going to search for us in The City of Lost Children? Did that ring a bell? Anybody?"
"Oh yaaah!" Postal Man agreed. "Archeal's warning!"
"Of course! We need to steer clear of tCoLC!" exclaimed Nahomi. "Come on Shadow Caster! Quit your gloomin' and try to act human...we must be off to see the Wizard, before FACT finds out we're not really at The City of Lost Children!" And they were!
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:12 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 14
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
...."How far you think we've come?" Shadow Caster puffed. "We were only 8 1/2 miles away from OOzE when we left Surely Christian Anderson's and it seems we've been traveling forever!"
"I dunno, but there's a sign over there that reads, Counting Line Inspection Ahead, all travelers must stop" answered Poopeyer. "That must mean we are getting close to something or other."
"Let's hurry, then at least we'll get a chance to stop!" groaned Postal Man, shifting his heavy bag from his right shoulder to the left.
"Yes, let's do," agreed Nahomi. "See up ahead there? There's a little guard house next to the road....that must be the inspection center. I wonder what it's all about? Come on, let's run to get there faster!" And they did.
"HALT!"
WOOSH! The troupe pulled up short as they heard the command. They had been so intent, running with their heads down in an effort to quickly get to the inspection center, that they hadn't noticed they were there until the authoritative voice issued the command to halt.
"Ooo ooo," cowered TaTa.
"Gulp," choked Shadow Caster, while Poopeyer forgot to puff on his pipe in amazement.
Nahomi was not daunted by the appearance of the bronze robot standing in front of them, with its arms spread out to prevent them from proceeding. She just walked up to it and said, "Is this the inspection place?"
Once again the deep, rumbling voice came to their ears, "Yes, it is and I am RoboCop Jerry666, border inspector. You are about to cross over the line from Dot Counting to Surreal."
"I don't see no line," grumbled Postal Man.
"The line between Dot and Surreal is very fine; few humans can see it. That is why RoboCops are used at all Counting Line inspection centers," Jerry666 droned on in his mechanical voice.
"But, we want to find OOzE, and the Wizard--not Surreal," complained Nahomi.
"The Palazzo of OOzE, where the Wizard resides, is in the Counting Line of Surreal," explained the RoboCop.
"What kinda name is 'Surreal' anyways?" tooted Poopeyer. "Do you even know what that means, Stooopid?"
Jerry 666 brought one of his outstretched arms to his chest and keyed in a few buttons on the panel there. Immediately a mechanical voice played through the speaker on the panel:
'Webster archives define SURREAL as fantastic or incongruous imagery or effects produced by unnatural juxtapositions and combinations.'
"Oh, I see," said Nahomi. "Now if you'll please define incongruous and juxtapositions, I'll get the rest of the meaning."
"Yeah," put in Shadow Caster, "it's hard to believe there even is a word like 'incongruous', let alone 'juxtapositions'! You've got me beside myself trying to understand you!"
"Is that like 'semantics'?" Postal Man whined. "Geeeeze, why can't you guys talk pure Candidan?"
"Snicker, snorrrk!" Poopeyer guffawed, "what is it with you three--stooopid or sumpin'? It just means we ain't gonna find out nothin' by connecting dots, once we step over the line. Things are gonna be as bad or as good as we imagine them to be. For sure, Nahomi, it ain't gonna be Candida, anymore!"
"Exactly!" Jerry 666 agreed. "You will be entering a world where you will not even be able to believe your own lying eyes. You will cross fine lines between sanity and madness, between joy and sadness, love and hate, faith and despair, right and wrong, and never really understand on which side of a line you stand. Within the Babylon of Surreal, you will make your search for the Wizard."
"Ohhh, how far away IS OOzE?!" squealed Nahomi.
"Just over the next rise," answered the RoboCop. "When you step over the Counting Line, you will set foot in OOzE. Remember to follow the Muddy Boot Road, no matter how fearsome you find it, or you will become even more disoriented than you think you are, and you may never find the Wizard. Now, everyone line up for the pre-entry inspection, please"
RoboCop Jerry666 pushed a button in his wrist panel and a long wand extruded from his middle finger.
"Awww, that's not nice!" exclaimed Poopeyer. "Do you see that, Shadow Caster?--Postal Man?"
"We are offended," Shadow Caster proclaimed stiffly. "I want your badge number so that I can file a complaint with the authorities!"
"I AM the authorities," RoboCop intoned. "File this!" And he extended the wand of his middle finger out even further.
"I don't understand," Nahomi spoke up. "Why are you all so upset?"
"Rrrrufffff!" TaTa wagged his tail.
"Never mind, Nahomi. You don't need to know, since what you don't know can't harm you, innocent little girl." Postal Man sucked up a big breath of air and added, "Inspect me first, Jerry666....I want to cross over the line post haste!"
Jerry666 waved his finger wand over Postal Man, up & down his sides and between his legs. "Watch it, Watch it!" warned Postal Man as the clicking wand searched above his knees.
"My sensor detects a metal object classified as BB 1-dinger, or a bicycle bell in your terminology. Please be informed that bell dinging in any number is strictly prohibited in Surreal Counting. Anyone apprehended for such practices will have their bell dismantled and be subject to a fine and/or imprisonment in the Counting Jail for Bell Dingers. Do you understand and accept these conditions for admittance to Surreal Counting?"
"I can't ring my bell??"
"That is so. Once you step over the Counting Line, the bell must be silenced for as long as you remain."
"OK! OK! I GOT IT!" came the Postal Man's response.
"Then take two ringy ding steps forward and cross silently over the Line," RoboCop ordered. And he did.
"You next!" Jerry666 waved Shadow Caster over.
Shadow Caster sloshed forward in his TTTS, eyeing RoboCop's clicking finger wand warily. "Be careful with that thing," he moaned. "Don't zap me with it. I'm afraid it won't agree with my tin suit, especially since it's half filled with bodily fluids!"
"True, I shall be careful. The finger wand has been known to stop hearts when used improperly in the wrong places."
"Huh!" Poopeyer snorted. "Shouldn't bother him, then....he doesn't have a heart!"
Shadow Caster gave him the look of death, causing Poopeyer to sidle behind Nahomi, vying for the most secure position with TaTa, who was also hiding behind her voluminous gingham apron skirts.
RoboCop proceeded carefully with the finger wand inspection of Shadow Caster, pausing only when the clicking became louder as it passed over the raggedy ball cap perched clumsily on his head.
"My sensors say that you must reverse your cap so that the T for traitor points at the back. You will be provided with a red T, painted to your forehead, if you decide to accept these terms for your admittance to Surreal Counting."
"What for?" questioned Shadow Caster. "Haven't I suffered enough pain and humiliation in Dot Counting without this further affront?"
"Jerry666 pressed a button on his chest and the mechanical voice again came from the speakers:
'All traitors must be identified coming and going in Surreal Counting. Any attempt to hide their identity will be punished by immediate application of Instant Rusty and placement in the village square for the convenience of Surreal Pigeons.'
"Do you agree with these conditions, man in TTTS?" asked RoboCop.
"Do I have a choice?" grumbled Shadow Caster.
"Actually--No," came the answer. Immediately, RoboCop Jerry666 raised his other arm and his forefinger, sprouted out a fine brush, dripping with red paint. With agility, he painted a big red T right in the middle of Shadow Caster's tinny forehead, retracted the brush and spun the baseball cap front to back, then stepped back to eye his artistry.
"That will do, now take two piggly wiggly steps forward and cross over the Surreal Counting Line!" Jerry666 told Shadow Caster. And he did.
Now RoboCop pointed his ever clicking finger wand at Poopeyer. "You--here!" he commanded.
"Mmmmee? What about HER?" Poopeyer pointed at Nahomi.
"Men before women in Surreal Counting," was the explanation. "Let's get on with it!"
Poopeyer edged around from his sheltered spot behind Nahomi and stepped forward, giving little tooting sounds that curled up with the green smoke from his pipe, as the finger wand approached his body.
"First, you must stop smoking that pipe. There are no smoke screens allowed by the visitors to Surreal Counting, no matter what color they are.
"Ohhhh, geeezzze," Poopeyer complained. "It's the best spinach around..."
"No exceptions!" Jerry666 finalized the edict.
"Ok, Ok," agreed Poopeyer, "now can I..."
"AND," added the RoboCop, "you must open both eyes and speak from the middle of your mouth while in Surreal Counting. No one- sided, squinty-eyed views and no talking from both sides of your mouth is allowed."
"How come I have to do so much!" Poopeyer yelled. Everyone else only had one thing to do! That's not fair. I'm really pissed!"
"Well, maybe you just have more things wrong with you that haven't been taken care of before you got to the line----whatever. That's how it's got to be, though."
Poopeyer heard Shadow Caster say from across the line, "Guess the snicker is on you, eh ole buddy?"
"OK, OK, I'll do it!" he yelled at RoboCop. "Just let me cross that line so I can get my hands on..."
"Oh, stop it Poopeyer!" Nahomi called out. "We're wasting a lot of time here...get on with it and we'll argue later!"
"Indeed, 'Poopeyer'," Jerry666 agreed. "Come now, take two crappy steps forward and cross over into Surreal Counting!" And Poopeyer did.
"And now, young woman, let's see what we have here," Jerry666 stated, his finger wand playing over Nahomi, in her voluminous gingham apron, as she held TaTa in her arms.
"I see that the dog will fit right into Surreal Counting!" he exclaimed. "There is little of reality about him. He may need a new license, though, plus a leash. Check in at the Court House....the licensing of dogs and temporary restraining departments are all on the same floor. I may even see you in court there some day; that is where I go to file my reports."
"Is there a charge for the license and leash?" asked Nahomi, "because we haven't got a dime among (not between) us."
"No charge. Licensing and leashing of Scosh Terror Rapid dogs are considered a public safety need and are government issue in Surreal Counting."
"Thank heavens for that! Can I cross now?"
The wand played around Nahomi a bit more. "Well, you will not be able to use your pencil and notepad for connecting dots anymore. That is not allowed in Surreal. The TaTa doggie doo-doo bag will have to be discarded. The licensing bureau will give you information about where that is done.
"I see you have a can of Bell Snake Oil, which is contraband in Surreal. I am sure it will be confiscated as soon as a RoboCop there detects it in your voluminous gingham apron pocket.
"The large, rainbow striped umbrellas will have to be checked at the door to the Wizard's Palazzo. The Wizard worries about the bad luck they cause if they are accidently opened indoors.
"Spy glasses are specifically forbidden. You will be shown all that you are allowed to see. Spying is punishable by death. Spies are thrown to the trolls in the moat around the Wizard's Palazzo. Other than those instructions, you are free to proceed, if you agree to abide by them."
"Ohhhh, that's all?" Nahomi sneered. "Now I know why I'm leaving here and never ever ever coming back. I hope the Wizard gives me all the answers in the Universe right away, so I can take them back to Aunty Kadie and Uncle Ned Hashish and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen on the Net farm. This place is crazy!"
"Hmmmm, if you think THIS is crazy, take two dizzy blonde steps forward and cross over into Surreal Counting!" And she did, TaTa clutched firmly in her hands.
"Do you believe this!" Poopeyer jumped her as soon as she stepped over the line.
"Oh, MY!" was all she could say.
The red brick Muddy Boot Road was now a brilliant purple. Trees on either side of the road were shades of orchid, orange and yellow, while bushes were striped in alternating colors of the same hues. A peek up at the sky showed it to be a bright pink, with poofs of red clouds all about.
"It's enough to make you upchuck!" said Postal Man. "All the color is making me dizzy!"
"Yeah! Look at the way it all reflects in Shadow Caster's TTTS! He looks like a ball room light when he moves!"
From across the line, they could hear the deep, rumbling, mechanical laughter of RoboCop Jerry666 as he entered his inspection office. "Can't say I didn't warn them," they heard as he shut the door on the rest of his words.
"OK, guys, suck it up, now!" Nahomi bolstered in her bravest voice. "We'll get used to the color, just don't try to compare it with what we are used to. We have to look at it in a new light."
"I'd rather look at it in the dark, if you don't mind," burbled Poopeyer from the edge of the road where he was spewing his guts. "On top of it, I am already into withdrawal from not having my pipe!"
"Urrrruhuuuuuu," came a howl from the totally disconsolate TaTa, on the ground at Nahomi's feet where she had set him after they crossed over.
"What's his problem?" asked Shadow Caster. "I thought Scosh Terror Rapids were color blind?"
"They are," answered Postal Man. "He just wants to be carried again. Dumb piece of crap!" and he aimed a kick that just missed when TaTa saw it coming and dodged.
"My fellow Questors, attention! According to Jerry666, that long rise up ahead is the final stretch to OozE and the Palazzo of the Wizard. I don't know about you, but I'm OFF!"
"So are we, Nahomi, so are we!" they shouted. "We're OFF, too!" And they were....
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
brinnnng! brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:04 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 15
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
brinnnng! brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
....They had been walking a long time. Above them, the bright pink sky had faded to a shade of squeezed lemon juice, dripping in layers of cloudy pulp and just above the hill, a full blue moon was rising. Swirls of striped red and black bats rose up from the sides of the Muddy Boot Road to outline themselves against the blue moon briefly, before they continued in their search of warm blooded creatures and insects for their nightly repast.
"I thought RoboCop said it was a 'short' distance up the rise?" moaned Shadow Caster as he sloshed along with the myriad colors of Surreal flitting over his TTTS.
"Humph!" snorted Poopeyer, "nothing here is what you think it should be, so why is distance any different? Don't need a note pad and pencil to figure that one out!"
"It's against the law to connect dots here, anyway," mumbled Postal Man.
"We can 'imagine' things, though!" Nahomi piped up. "I imagine that Poopeyer is right, nothing is going to be like we're used to here. I can't wait for the Wizard of OOzE to give me all the answers in the Universe, so TaTa and I can get back to Candida, for forever and ever!"
"Rrrrufffff!" agreed TaTa, snuggling up against Nahomi's left magical muddy army boot.
"Uhhhh, Nahomi," ventured Postal Man, "have you given any thought of how you will get back to Candida?"
"Har! Har! Har!" sniggered Poopeyer. "Maybe she can mail herself and you will deliver her! That's one way to hang close!"
Nahomi gave Poopeyer a disgusted look and reached over and patted Postal Man's hand, which gesture made him turn a bright shade of purple. "Oh, my! I think people blush purple in Surreal!" Nahomi exclaimed.
"It's Surreal that they blush at all!" grumbled Shadow Caster.
"You got that right, ole buddy! I'll bet there's not one person as good and nice and smart and sweet and...."
"We get you, Poopeyer, you can stop any time!" answered his ole buddy. "Postal Man has a point, though. Nahomi's house that she rode in on is back in Mensa. What will she ride out of here?"
"I am sure the Wizard will take care of that," Nahomi answered. "I have complete faith that OOzE will be all truth and knowledge, just like Theosafits of the golden balls told me."
Their conversation whiling away the time, the questers continued on up the hill as the colors around them faded into the sickly squeezed lemon color of the sky, while the blue moon cast dark shadows all around them.
TaTa had been waddling ahead, looking for a place to lift a leg, and reached the crest of the hill before the others. "Yip, Yip, Yip," he kept barking in a nerve shattering cadence.
"I wish that dog would disappear into the blue moon!" Postal Man groaned. "It's enough to drive a sane person...."
No sooner had the words left his mouth then out of the lemon colored sky, Smash! Bam! Ala' Kazam! a large, silver bird, with multicolored wing tips and flowing tail swooped down and scooped TaTa up in its talons and took off across the face of the blue moon!
"Oooo, oooo, oooo! Come back here you!" screamed Nahomi. "That bird's got my TaTa! See what you did, Postal Man! You hexed TaTa! Run! Run! Let's try to keep up with him!"
"I dunno, Nahomi," Poopeyer puffed as they took off up the hill. "That was a Surreal Pheasant, and there's no way we can keep up!"
"Shut up and run!" was all Nahomi would say.
Clunking, tooting, sweating and crying, the party reached the hilltop.
"I don't see anything," huffed Postal Man, hitching his bag.
"You just keep quiet!" Nahomi ordered. You've caused enough damage for one day!"
WHOOSH, WHOOSH, WHOOSH, the sound of huge wings flapping in the evening sky caused them all to look up....and scream in fear! Down from the blue moon came a Surreal flock of Pheasants and a fire breathing group of Dragons. Something that could only be seen in Surreal once in a blue moon was winging down at them, never making a sound other than the whoosh of huge wings.
Shadow Caster took a look at the Dragon bearing down on him and turned to run back down the hill, but tripped over his own big, tinny feet. The heat of Dragon fire seared his back and then he was lifted up off the ground and found himself rising up, up, into the pulpy lemon colored night.
Poopeyer got a bit further down the hill, but soon a Pheasant grabbed him by one arm and a Dragon took the other, and he was up into space, dangling his legs helplessly as he screamed, "Pheasants and Dragons, OH MY!"
Nahomi was sitting on the Muddy Boot Road in complete shock. She watched as another Dragon picked Postal Man up by the strap of his mail bag, tossed him in the air and set him up on his humpy back to fly off with him. "Nahomiiiiiiii!" he screamed.
Well, at least Postal Man had some experience bare back riding the Pinto, she thought shakily to herself.
Just when she thought the Pheasants and Dragons hadn't seen her, hoping she would get away free, the silver Pheasant that had scooped up TaTa appeared in the middle of the crowd, and dive bombed down to pick her up by her voluminous gingham apron and took off, leading all the Pheasants and Dragons with their burdens out over the horizon.
All Nahomi could say was, "Ohhhhh, TaTa, HERE you are! I will not be afraid, as long as I have you with me!"
The Silver Pheasant turned his head to look at her with large, green, oval eyes. "Helllllp!" Nahomi screamed, seeing there was more to this than met the eye
Meanwhile the others where crying, moaning, pissing and groaning. They cursed Nahomi for talking them into the quest and cursed RoboCop for not warning them about the Pheasants and Dragons.
Poopeyer, legs dangling in space, yelled at Shadow Caster who was clutched under a Dragon's tail, "How did we get into this mess, ole buddy?"
Shadow Caster coughed as a bit of gas issued from under the Dragon's tail, "Does it matter? What we need to do is get OUT of this mess!"
"I can't even stomp my magical muddy army boots!" Nahomi cried. "Even Theosafits doesn't know what's happening. Will we EVER find the Wizard?"
"What I'm worried about," yelled back Postal Man, "is the fact that Archeal warned us to stay on the Muddy Boot Road, or we'd be disoriented! Well, she was right; I'm disoriented for sure!"
"Look, though!" exclaimed Poopeyer. "We are over the Muddy Boot Road, flying straight along it!"
"Yeah, maybe we are OK, ya think?" Shadow Caster pleaded. "I know that Pheasants and Dragons are the air force for Queen JoJo, but I can't believe they'd be here in Surreal!"
"Well, I can't follow any dots, but I imagine these Pheasants and Dragons mean something. At least we're not heading back on the Muddy Boot Road. I'm never ever ever going back. As soon as I get all the answers in the Universe, I'm taking TaTa and going back to Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net, and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen on the Net Farm to enlighten them all."
The Pheasants finally gave out a loud GARREEE call, and the Dragons spewed fire. Flapping their huge wings they proceeded straight above the Muddy Boot Road, flying in the lemon colored sky.
"Maybe they'll take us to the Wizard, you think, TaTa?" Nahomi murmured. And they did!
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE.
brinnnng! brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
"WHOOSH....
"WHOOSH....
"WHOOSH....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 3:54 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 16
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
WHOOSH!
WHOOSH!
WHOOSH!
....Pheasants and Dragons had been soaring over the Muddy Boot Road with their captives so long that Nahomi, Shadow Caster, Poopeyer, and Postal Man lost complete track of time; of course, TaTa never did know what time it was, but even he was more disoriented than usual and he kept tucking his head down under Nahomi's arm as they flew rapidly in the clutches of the lead Pheasant.
Poopeyer looked dizzily down between his legs as they dangled in the lemon pulp clouds of the lemonade sky, and shouted, "UH OH! Now we're in for it! There's the end of the Muddy Boot Road up ahead. Who knows what evil lurks beyond?!!!"
"Tell you what, ole buddy, this is one Shadow Caster that doesn't know the answer to that one!" came a muffled reply from under the tail of te Dragon that clutched the man in the TTTS.
"I can see ahead a bit from up here on this Dragon's back," called out Postal Man. "I think we are coming into a town or something. There's a muddy moat just oozing around a big building and lots of things moving around the banks on both sides of the moat!"
"Did you say, oozing?" Nahomi shouted. "Ooooh, if I could only use my note pad and pencil that are sitting useless in a pocket of my voluminous gingham apron!"
With those words, Leader Pheasant again turned his noble head and his large, oval, shining green eyes stared coldly at her. "I know, I know - I can't do that!" Nahomi quickly backed off, "But, I imagine that the moat oozing has something to do with the Wizard's Palazzo!"
No sooner said than done, because the Pheasants and Dragons went into a landing formation, circling the area below, waiting for the landing signals. Soon little swamp gas flares popped up in a large circumference just in front of the huge building that Postal Man had seen. Down, down, circling and slowing came the air patrol, preparing for a landing.
The Pheasant and Dragon carrying Poopeyer with one of his arms in each of their mouths stretched out their legs and landed lightly on the swamp gas lit field. Poopeyer stayed dangling between land and air, while his captors waited patiently for the landing of the others.
Down came Postal Man's Dragon, with Postal Man hanging on for dear life to one of the Dragon spikes. He gave an 'oweeee' as a bit of a rough landing jerked him up from between the two spikes where he had been sitting and poked his butt a bit, right on a spike, before he again slid down between spikes.
Shadow Caster came in gasping and choking from the exhaust that had been issuing where he sat under the tail of his Dragon during the circling descent. Man, this is one Dragon I didn't cleanse that I shudda, he thought and was immediately reprimanded by a slap from the end of the Dragon Tail. And he reads MINDS, too! Geeeeze!
WHOOSH! Seeing the other Pheasants and Dragons safely on the ground, Lead Pheasant came in swiftly and landed easily, with his burden of Nahomi and TaTa.
Garreeeeee! Came the call from the Lead Pheasant. Garreeee! Garreeee!
Lead Pheasant gently deposited Nahomi with TaTa in her arms on the ground. Meanwhile, the others were also freed by their captors, and they all stood around, rubbing their arms and butts and casting frightened looks above their heads at their obviously superior transporters.
Pheasants and Dragons looked down their noses at the hapless group and with several small spurts of Dragon fire and a few Yeckos, they took off into the lemon night sky, headed straight for the blue moon, made a right turn and flew back toward the Castle on the Cliff to make their report of 'mission accomplished' to Queen JoJo. Garreee, Garreeeeeee - the group on the ground heard fading into the distance as the swamp gas flares all around them blinked out, one by one.
"Now what, I wonder!" tooted Poopeyer. "Whew! Do you smell THAT?!"
"After that trip under the Dragon's tail, I think I'm all smelled out!" Shadow Caster groaned.
"That is pretty powerful stuff, though!" agreed Postal Man.
"Smells like Uncle Hashish's long underwear after he's been sweating in the field!" commented Nahomi.
'Eeewgggh!' coughed TaTa, rubbing his paw over his nibby nose.
"That's IT, Nahomi! Wet wool! I'd bet my last dime (if I had one) on it!" exclaimed Poopeyer.
Ding, Ding, Ding, came the tinkle of little bells, as the group's eyes finally adjusted to the loss of the swamp gas light. They watched in awe as a herd of checkered Hoagie ewes clambered up out of the muddy, oozing, moat and bells all a-tinkle stood around on the bank, waiting for the horned rams to follow. Beside the sheep, stood a tall man with a 50 gallon hat on his head and a speckled biddy under one arm, waving a herder's staff at the flock.
From the building across the moat came a yell, "I told you to get the flock outta here!"
"You didn't have to make them swim the moat, though, didya? I told you I was coming right back to get them; now they're all wet!" 50 gallon hat yelled back.
"Yeah? Well, if you'd come back sooner, it would never have happened. You're (not your) just lucky we didn't toss you in, too! Wasn't for that biddy of yours, we woulda!"
"Ahhhh, your mother wears muddy army boots!"
"Ohhhh, I"m not his mother! Am I?" wondered Nahomi.
"Oh geeze...I thought I'd crushed him, but if that ain't MISTER Rams, I'll eat my pipe! This REALLY pisses me OFF!" Poopeyer complained as he moved to hide behind Nahomi.
TaTa ran joyfully up to the man leading the flock toward them, dodging the sharp hooves of the ewes and steering away from the horns of the rams, and licked the boots of MISTER Rams with gusto! "Rummms! Rummms!" he yapped, while stringy doggie tears and nose drippings anointed the dusty boots.
"How's he know him?" Poopeyer whispered from behind Nahomi.
"How would I know?" I never saw a man like that in Candida and I've never been more than a couple of feet away from you on the Muddy Boot Road!"
"Yeah, that's what you say. But, you also say that TaTa goes everywhere with you. That's one mighty happy, slavering Scosh Terror over there with MISTER Rams, for someone who doesn't know him."
"Shhhh, shhhh, here he comes!" Postal Man warned.
Kicking up dust all around him, and rapping the flock out of the way, the disgruntled MISTER Rams walked up to the stranded group who watched him with wary eyes. "Well, what are you scumbags staring at?" he yelled.
"No--no---nothing, Sir," groveled Nahomi.
"Wadda ya mean, nothing? I'M something!"
"He's something alright," Shadow Caster whispered to Postal Man. "He could stand a good cleansing!"
'Grrrrrr,' TaTa growled at the TTTS, wondering where he could get a good bite in without chipping his canines.
"Well, Sir, I was really looking at the speckled chicken in your arms," soothed Nahomi.
"Isn't that a co-incidence?" marveled MISTER Rams. "I was looking at the green chicken hiding behind your back!"
'Urrruhhhuuuu huuuuu!' laughed TaTa, as only Scosh Terror Rapid Doggies can.
"That's no chicken, Sir, that's..."
"I know who that is. Last time we met, I left him strung up on his own petard! Better believe it, I'll do it again, if he dares step out from behind your voluminous gingham apron!"
Shadow Caster stepped forward and asked, "What IS that building across the moat, can you tell us?"
"That? Why that's the Palazzo de Wizeerd de OOzE'!
"You've been there?! You've seen the Wizard?!" Nahomi gushed.
"I been there. Didn't see no Wizard, though. I only dropped the flock off to protect them from the trolls hereabouts. Then I went to attend the 666th monthly anniversary of the SUBs. Well, we got to..."
"What's the SUBs?" queried Postal Man, after he took a big deep breath for courage.
"Seals United Blowhards!" was MISTER Rams amazed reply. "You mean you never HEARD of us?"
"Well, I've heard of the Seals, but I never knew they were United Blowhards; that must be the Surreal branch, eh?" snickered Poopeyer, who took a big chance and stuck his head out from around Nahomi, just long enough to put in his dime's worth.
"Poopeyer, be nice!" admonished Nahomi. "Now MISTER Rams, what about the chicken?"
"Well, this is my hen, Janet!" he answered. "She goes wherever I do."
"Oooo, just like TaTa and me!" squealed Nahomi.
"I dunno, little lady. TaTa sure looks familiar to me. I think I've known a dog just like him somewhere before. And he does seem to be taking a shine to me!"
"He's still MY TaTa, so there!" sniffed Nahomi.
"Hey, MISTER Rams," broke in Shadow Caster. "About that speckled hen of yours. How many eggs does Janet lay?"
"No more than I can crack a day, you dumb worthless piece of crap. From what I hear, your 'radio show' over there at the Castle on the Cliff laid more eggs than all the little old biddies clucking around you!"
"Ooof! That's gotta sting!" Poopeyer whispered to Postal Man.
"You say something back there, Green Chicken?" MISTER Rams stuck his head around Nahomi and peered right into Poopeyer's good eye, meanwhile Janet dribbled a bit of speckled hen doo-doo on Poopeyer's starboard deck shoe.
"Nnnnno....nothing, nothing," stammered Poopeyer.
"Well, rumors have it that you've been bragging on how you can 'handle' me, and how you're looking to 'finish me off', so I figure now's as good a time as any. Want to step around out here, spinach head and put an end to it?"
"Mmmmmeeee??? Mmmmeeeeeee??!!! Well, I never ever said one word about you. Honest Injun! I'm a sweet guy. Ask me anytime....I'll tell you!"
"Uh huh....that's what I thought, Little Green Scumbag! Lotsa toot and smoke and mirrors, absolutely nothing else! The truth will out!"
"Speaking of truth, Sir," Nahomi advantageously inserted, "how do we get into the Palazzo to see the Wizard? I have to get all the answers in the Universe and a lot of truth to take back to Candida to enlighten Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen on the Net Farm, so I can leave this Surreal place and never ever ever come back again!"
"See that guy over there, holding the lantern full of red fireflies? He's Red, the Remoat Sentry. You go over there and he'll ask you a few questions. If it seems safe to let you into the Palazzo, he'll push the Remoat button and the drawbridge will come down. Somwhere, over the drawbridge, a bluebird will trill its song and the door to the Palazzo de OOzE' will open. After that, finding the Wizard is up to you."
"Do you want to come with us to talk to the Wizard, Sir, seeing as you're already here and all?"
"Nawww, there ain't nothing I wanna hear from the Wizard or the scumbags you're traveling with! I'm going to take my hen Janet and get the flock on to new adventures in interesting places. I've had enough of Surreal to last me a lifetime, and that includes skirt hiding, green chicken shit little snickerers, too!" (This last said with a sneer at Poopeyer, who still refused to budge from behind Nahomi.)
"Don't forget to file your new address," Postal Man offered. "I sure don't want to get lost delivering mail again; I'm pretty full up with Surreal, too!"
"So long, guy," Shadow Caster choked out, praying that MISTER Rams would get on his way without noticing him much.
"Yeah, dummy....I never did see a scumbag in a too tight tin suit before. Gotta say that Sir Rocky and Phantom works did a good job!"
"Farewell, Sir," Nahomi said respectfully. "It was a pleasure meeting a SUB!"
"Heheh, rather a SUB than the SOBs you've been keeping time with, eh?" MISTER Rams guffawed.
"Oh, they can't help the way they are, Sir! That's why we've come to see the Wizard. Maybe they'll get straightened out once and for all, you know?"
"Nope, I don't know. But better you than me, that's for sure!"
With a wave of his staff, MISTER Rams started the flock out of the landing field. TaTa ran up to him and whined to be picked up. MISTER Rams looked sorrowfully down at him, desire deep in his eyes, and then gave TaTa a firm push with his boot in the direction of Nahomi. "Go getter, TaTa. She needs you...g'wan, ya mangy mutt, ya bother me!"
TaTa looked at him with bleary Scosh Terror eyes and slowly backed off to Nahomi, his once frisky tail now sullen between his stubby back legs. 'Bruuhuuu,' he whined as he watched MISTER Rams get the flock out of there.
Nahomi didn't waste anytime watching the odd party go. She immediately turned around and gave Poopeyer her drop dead look. "Do you think you can give me some breathing room now, Poopeyer? I imagine it's safe now."
"What? What? I was just guarding your back, Nahomi! You know what an awful person that MISTER Rams is! Not like me--sweet, faithful, trustworthy, loving,..."
"Oh, stifle that!" roared Postal Man. "You are such a fraud! I can hardly control myself when I see you in action!"
"Well! I NEVER!"
"Oh, confess, Poopeyer!" Shadow Caster joined in. "You ALWAYS not never! If I didn't need you so much, I'd walk away from you, too!"
"Forget it, guys. Let's get on over to the Remoat Sentry. That's the only Red I want to see for the present!"
Poopeyer drooped his head and wiped his sniveling nose on his sleeve, while he glanced at Shadow Caster. "Some buddy you turned out to be. Shudda listened to Queen JoJo, and I'd be resting on the couch in the Castle on the Cliff right now, having me a nice spinach smoke!"
"QUIET!" yelled Postal Man. And it was!
Nahomi hustled over to Red, the Remoat Sentry and fluttered her eyelashes. "Hello, Mr. Red. MISTER Rams said that you would push the proper Remoat buttons to lower the drawbridge to the Palazzo. Can you do that now, please?" (flutter flutter)
"Well, you can't just flutter by here," reasoned Red. "You've got to tell me what your purpose is there."
"I've come to get all the secrets in the Universe from the Wizard!" answered Nahomi.
"I've got mail to deliver to the Wizard," came from Postal Man, "and I really want to get rid of this old bag I'm carrying! Maybe the Wizard'll show me the way to Candida, too!"
"I gotta get a heart!" Shadow Caster declared. "That's the only chance I have to talk Queen JoJo, Sir Rocky and the rest of the Round Couch into releasing me from this sentence of the too tight tin suit!"
"I have to find a way to prove how wonderful I am to everyone, and how brave, and kind and good...."
"I get the idea, I get it!" Red the Remoat Sentry interrupted. "However, what about the dog? What possible purpose could he serve in the Palazzo?"
"Well, Sir, I have this bag of Rapid doggie doo-doo that I've been cleaning up after TaTa," Nahomi whipped out the plastic bag from a pocket of her voluminous gingham apron, "and I'm hoping the Wizard can tell me where to dump it, and maybe how to keep TaTa from messing on people's private property again!"
"Well, I think the Wizard is in, but it is sleepy-bye time here in Surreal you know. So, I'm going to push in the Remoat Code E + 4 and let down the drawbridge. You go ahead and cross over and the bluebird of happiness will sing to let them know you're outside. You can go in and maybe catch a few winks until morning." And he did.
Creaking and clanking the long drawbridge complainingly descended. As soon as it touched the bank, TaTa ran over, ruffing all the way. A couple of trolls heard the racket he was making and picked their heads up from the depths of the oozing moat. Lucky for him, this particular bridge was too high for them to reach and he just lolled his icky tongue out at them, causing them to belch in disgust.
Nahomi, Shadow Caster, Postal Man and the still sniveling Poopeyer joined arms and proceeded across the wide drawbridge, Nahomi waving 'bye-bye' to Red the Remoat Sentry in thanks.
"I can't believe it!" Nahomi said gleefully. We are finally crossing the last barricade from the Wizard of OOzE! We're off! And they were.
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE.....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 3:42 AM - | |
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