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Memories and Moments
Thursday September 7, 2006
Copyright
2001
"The Wizard of OOze" which is presented just below came from a 'healing dream' about a time that was rife with both internet and real life stalking by a sick person, who is represented by TaTa in the story.
During that time a friend and I were both subjected to spamming of many different forums, complete with revelation of our personal information, such as SS numbers, addresses and other private things. If that wasn't enough, false charges and harrassing phone calls were made to work places, police were called to our homes, and the stalker even parked across the street from my home, then gave descriptions of it on line, though he was from CA and I live in NV.
Frustrated for more than two years with our legal system that chooses quite often to ignore complaints about such actions, the matter was finally taken to the courts. Even today, though, we wonder if our problem was really resolved, or is he out there, stalking someone else and hoping to return to us?
During some sleepless nights I took to writing some poetry (it rhymes, sorry) about the stalker and satirized his character, just for my own laughs. However, as I read these over again today, I realize how close my writings are to what he is, and how scary they were in those long nights.
FROM A LESS GENTLE TIME
I.
May 6 2001
THE LOST ONE
He comes in hate, stained with evil and distrust,
The dismay of all those unfortunates in his path.
He is an ending without a beginning,
A walking death, bereaft of the knowledge of life.
Never to be the last man standing,
Only a simpleton staggering.
Lurching through this world in broken cadence,
Reeling through his maze of hate.
Always angry, always destructing, and always alone.
Never finding true life, he begrudges the world.
He is a stranger to humanity.
He is
THE LOST ONE.
*****
II.
August 27, 2000
SWEATS ON A SATURDAY NIGHT
It's twilight; the birds
Have ceased their songs
And twitter as they hunker down
In the trees of a sandbound
California town.
People are about their dinner,
Children pad to eat, freshly bathed,
In pajamas perfumed with Downy.
The good are relaxed and what is best,
Preparing for their night of deserved rest.
Front door slams at the home of Mr. Evil,
Sturdy lock turned and double checked.
Nothing shows through the closely drawn drapes,
Only a flickering nightlight in his bedroom window
Fights off the gathering darkness.
Fearfully looking round for the enemies of
His mind, Mr. Evil scurries to a dusty car,
Takes his seat upon the pillow raised, and
Fumbles at the motor, at last swiftly backing,
Making his escape from gloom to
A little dive called Pinkies' Room.
He can hear the chatter as he reaches
The door, and pushing it open, steps
Upon Peppermint Sticky floor; Rose's light washes
Over and about; Flamingo Padded Bar beckons
To Cotton Candy Stool, so fluffy, yet stout.
He minces across the floor in silence
So grave, each patron turned and staring at
This incoming knave, all spruced and shaven,
Smelling of Old Spice; all eyes of watching
Company have changed to pink ice.
"Scotch with Bud back," he says as
The tender, who has it all ready,
(He always remembers), watches
Mr. Evil swiftly quaff, sees eyes,
On the prowl, dart from bar up to the loft.
The juke box is starving, no one there will feed
That Creature of Company, Mr. Evil's true need.
In the pink, staring, silence, a trickle begins,
Down from nape, along short, slack, spine.
Hysterically, he loses sense of place or time.
Crystal mirror is showing the patrons behind, all
Steely and Tooth-ed, and frozen in slime.
But, these are his Peers, all happy and gay!
What mood is upon them, what drives them
This way, today; making him pay?
He can't stand the silence, even in this
Pink room. He's sweaty and clammy
And sensing a doom in each staring eye.
He drinks up and orders another, "The same,
Scotch with Bud back," quavers the refrain.
He can't meet those eyes, even in mirror,
Fanciful shapes and heads grow ever
More queer; shifting and morphing with
Help of Scotch and a Bud, they look back
From reflection, and they sneer, 'you crud'.
Mr. Evil slips off cushy pink stool, all dripping
And fearful; backs away from leering eyes
,
With his own all tear full; They've
Found him right here--caught in his flight
From the terror of Sweats on a Saturday Night.
*****
III.
August 24, 2000
IN THE BED OF MR. EVIL
It comes each gentle summer's night,
Undulating on padded belly,
Over cool, quilted dunes,
Seeking, ever seeking.
Slithering between, beneath,
Covers hand-clenched to quivering chin,
Un-noticed by eyes staring widely at the gloom;
Seeking, ever seeking.
Over quivering pect, around startled nipple,
Into the sour stench of sweating pit,
Lapping softly, laughing hotly, it moves.
Seeking, ever seeking.
So comes the trembling, sweaty fumbling.
Jerky limbs twitch in time to sobs arumbling,
Tasting tears on pudgy cheeks.
Seeking, ever seeking.
Then rising higher, all afire with delight,
It wavers close to the sought after ear.
Those lips so near, in voice so clear, spake,
"At last, Mr. Evil, you have found MASTER FEAR!"
Life is a ball.....
Dance or be a wallflower!
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 8:04 PM - | |
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Tuesday September 5, 2006
OK, kiddies, gather around--it's story time!
When I first came to the WWW, I was unfortunate enough to run into a stalker (and buddies) who caused both me and a friend some anguished years of on-line and 3D woes. That's a long story, which ended with some legal efforts that made the baddies go away--I hope.
Anyway, one night I awoke with the idea for this satirical tale about the people, their personalities and a play on some of the experiences that occurred on various forums during the years between 1998 and 2002. You may even get a hint of some celebrity personalities hidden among the characters! One more GrannyJo memory!
Be aware--profound use of 'tongue-in-cheek' going on here. Oh Yes...Any similarities to persons living, dead, or incarcerated are 'probably' co-incidental! 8-)
Come along with me now, into the fantasy cyber world of ......
THE WIZARD OF OOzE
Copyright
July 23, 2002
CHAPTER 1
Once upon years & years, on the Net farm in a place called Candida, there lived a girl who refused to grow up called Nahomi, and her Rapid (a sort of Scosh Terror) dog, TaTa. Nahomi had no parents and she lived under the sturdy control and love of her Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish, Net.
It was tough running the big Net farm all alone, so Aunty Kadie & Uncle Hashish had some hired hands to help out with the chores. They were called Moanen, Pissen, and Groanen--Cliff Moanen, Billy Pissen and Rick Groanen, to be exact. The hands loved Nahomi, and played with her every chance they could get. Still, Nahomi was never a really happy girl. She thought the Net farm was just tooooo lonesome and mundane for a girl who was really a princess.
One day, Nahomi’s Rapid dog, TaTa, attacked a nice old lady while she was riding a bike past the Net farm. The nice old lady, who was having none of it, called the local posse and got a confiscation warrant for TaTa. She put him in a cage and set off to the local pound to get him tested for rabies and ‘fixed’. TaTa wasn’t a Rapid breed for nothing, though. He squeezed between the bars of the cage (he was still a puppy then) and took off to the waiting arms of Nahomi, who just knew that “wicked old witch” was lying. Her TaTa would never try to hurt anyone--he was way too gay and frisky to be mean! Nahomi decided to run away with TaTa, to save him from Old Witch and she quickly took off down the dusty road toward Diamond Barnone with him, where she believed they would be safe forever more.
Soon it was getting hotter and dustier, and TaTa was giving his hungry grrrr. Nahomi could see an RV pulled off the road up ahead, and she could swear she smelled hot dogs and macaroni & cheese wafting toward them. It did so remind her of Aunty Kadie! A few minutes later, Nahomi and TaTa were walking up to the RV and could now see the colorful masks painted all over the side. Welcome to Secrets Revealed floated above the masks. “Now that’s curious, TaTa,” said Nahomi. “Heaven knows, I want to know as many secrets as I can find!”
No sooner were the words out of her mouth than a kindly looking, chubby old man stepped out from around the van. He smiled and asked, “Running away, be you, lassie?”
“How..how did yyyyou kkknow?” Nahomi stammered.
“Ha! Ha! Ha!...There are no secrets kept from Stash the Great! I see, too, that you are hungry, and yer little dog, also. He is a fine Rapid, as far as Rapids go....here, Boy!”, Stash the Great laughed as he tossed TaTa a piping hot wiener from the brazier.
TaTa, who wasn’t too smart about taking hot things in his mouth, caught it in mid-air, gobbled it down and then ran around yapping with his tail between his legs. He finally spotted the crick running nearby and yapped his way over to try to cool his dumb mouth. Meanwhile, Stash scooped a nice hot bowl of macaroni and cheese for Nahomi, set it carefully on his lap, handed her a spoon, and told her to eat up!
Nahomi mumbled through her big mouthfuls, “So, Stash the Great, can we go with you to discover all the Secrets of the Universe? We don’t eat...much. There was just a whole lot that we couldn’t see or do on the Net farm; Aunty Kadie was sooooo strict, and the farm hands were really not too bright. I deserve better.”
“Well, lassie, you be too inexperienced to be travelin’ with a showman like me. Best you be taken’ yerself & yer little pup back to the farm. Thar be a big storm coming over the bracken, and you be better off all cozied up in the fruit cellar of that thar Net farm then out in the whirlwind, that’s fer shure. Thar’ll be time fer secrets sooner than you like, I’ll promise ya that!”
Nahomi could see the truth in the eyes of Stash the Great, so she quickly picked up TaTa, who was too roly poly to run very fast, and scampered back toward the Net farm. The wind swirled dust around them, dark clouds rolled over their heads, and Nahomi could see the lightening flashing up ahead. She ran faster when the dull rumble of thunder came as soon as she had counted to only one thousand and six!
Meanwhile, on the farm, everyone was worried sick about Nahomi. They knew a tornado was coming and the only safe place would be in the fruit cellar under the house. They just had to get in there, but where was Nahomi? Running all around the Net, Moanen, Pissen & Groanen tried to get a handle on her whereabouts, to no avail. Finally they all had to give up and go into lockdown in the cellar.
In just minutes after the others were safe in the fruit cellar, Nahomi staggered into the house, calling, “Aunty Kadie! Uncle Hashish! Where are you? I’m frightened, I need you! Oh, TaTa, where is everybody?!"
Just then the whirlwind hit the little house in the middle of the Net farm. Crash! Bang! The window in Nahomi’s room gave way and she stumbled in her fear and hit her head on the little Wurlitzer radio that sat on the table by her bed. "Oh Candida" blasted on, while Nahomi fell senseless down on her bed. Little Stars & Stripes whirled around & around before her shut-tight eyes. The 'wicked old witch' rode her bike through the whirlwind in the sky, with TaTa yapping out of the cage behind her. An RV with pretty masks all over it and filled with macaroni & cheese chased after the bike rider. Lo, Nahomi could only behold as the little house, reaped off the Net farm by the whirlwind, soared and tumbled up and up.
Nahomi mumbled senselessly, “I wanna know, I wanna know, I wanna know...”
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 6:08 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 2
DING, DONG, DING, DONG! Art, Keeper of the Bell, put all the strength in his little back to sounding the alarm. “Gnimocni! Gnimocni!,” screeched the lookout, Observiant, “Gnimocni! Gnimocni!”
Little Sockpuppeople ran frantically for shelter from the huge object hurtling in out of the sky. Art continued to ring his bell, bravely facing what was coming, and kept muttering, “So them told I; so them told I!” A loud whooshing sound was now overwhelming the sound of the bell, the Sockpuppeople were silent in fear as they waited.
Then from the very center of the village circle, a wicked witch shook her broom at the house and yelled, “I’ll sweep out the bats in your belfryeeeeeeeee...” Her defiant words were cut off as the house plopped down right on her as she stood there in the village circle, leaving nothing but her muddy army boots sticking out from under the front door.
Silence.
Art had finally stopped ringing the bell and just stared at the stirred but not shaken farm house. From behind him the outback hat of the mayor poked out of the courthouse door, followed quickly by his face, complete with his shaggy beard and piercing eyes.
“?ferk the What,” he asked Art.
“.dunno I”, was the mumbled answer.
Suddenly the door to the house opened and Nahomi exited with TaTa clutched so tightly in her arms that his eyes rolled in his head and saliva dripped all over her hands. She tripped delicately over the body of the witch and said, “Oooooo, TaTa, we’re not in Candida anymore!”
TaTa agreed, “arggggrug” as more saliva dripped unceremoniously.
Art and the Mayor bravely approached Nahomi while she just stared at the incongruous couple they made. “Where am I?” she asked, “and who are you?”
Art and the Mayor looked at each other, completely befuddled. Though Nahomi spoke the same language as the wicked witch had, they weren’t familiar with her Candida syntax. They mumbled to each other that they were positive that if they couldn’t understand HER, she sure wouldn’t understand THEM. The Mayor listened some more to Art, then nodded his head and took a black tape recorder out of his pocket. He walked over to the job johnny that was sitting at the end of the court house while the restrooms were being remodeled, and holding it between his pinkies, he sloshed it around in the bowl.
Coming back he gave a big, wolfish smile to Nahomi and said, “There, that fixes it! Now, little girl, you will be able to understand our reverse talk and we will be able to answer your forward speech! What was your question?"
“I said, 'Where am I and who are you?'”
“Ahhhh, I see, you are lost! You have found your way to the Land of Mensa. I am Mayor Backward of Mensa and this is Art, the Keeper of the Bell. Oh yes, and over there, keeping a watchful eye on every move you make, is Observiant.”
“OH MY GURU!” Nahomi exclaimed. “My house killed somebody! Who was it?”
“Be careful!” Observiant barked. “My $49.95 attorney says that anything you say can and may be used against you!”
“Do not be frightened, child,” soothed the Mayor. “You could not help it, and you have done a great service for Art, the Keeper of the Bell. That is a wicked witch that would sneak in with the late hours of night and ring the bell. It alarmed every Sockpupperson in Mensa because they thought we were being attacked from outer space!”
“Yeah,” grumbled Art, “and we never were. Until today when I did ring the bell. We were attacked by YOU!”
“Oh, I’m not from outer space!” exclaimed Nahomi. “I’m Nahomi, from Candida, and this is my Rapid dog, TaTa! We‘d never attack anyone, it was the storm and an accident and, and……well we just DIDN’T!”
“Ha! That’s what you say,” sneered Observiant. “I’ll have to see about that story!”
Out of the corner of her eye, Nahomi began seeing little soft faces, with big grins and roundy round eyes popping out of the bushes and from behind trees where the citizens of Mensa had taken shelter. Her head almost went all the way around on her neck as she tried to keep each person in her vision.
“Come out, come out, little Sockpuppeople,” Mayor Backward cooed, “Don’t be shy! This is Nahomi and TaTa and Candida is the name of the place that they came from.”
“Yes, and see, she has killed the wicked bell ringing witch!” added Art. She is worthy to be one of the citizens of Mensa. Welcome her, Sockpuppeople!”
“We’ll see about that,” groused Observiant.
“Grrrrrrr,” growled TaTa.
“Well, I can only stay a little while” said Nahomi, “then I’ll have to be going. I am going on a quest to find out all the secrets in the UNIVERSE! Can you help me?”
“Well,” Mayor Backward began, “there is....."
“EEEEEhehehehehheeeeee, Misery, Misery! Death to Nahomi!” Swirling down out of the sky on her broom, black cloak flying in the breeze and a tall peaked hat pulled down over her brow, another witch hovered over Nahomi. “You killed my SISTER, and you will pay, you and that miserable doggie of yours, you’ll pay, you’ll pay!” and she flew off, screeching into the sky.
“Wwwho was that?” breathed Nahomi.
“Oh, my, that was the wicked witch, Genie of No Return. You killed her sister Melodia, who wore the army boots, just like their mother! Are you SURE you want to go on this quest for secrets?”
“Oh, yes! I do! I do!” begged Nahomi. It is my duty to find all hidden secrets for everyone back on the Net Farm...Aunty Kadie, Uncle Hashish, even Moanen, Pissen, and Groanen. I will search and search until there are no secrets. Mankind needs me to do this. But, can’t anyone help me?”
“Well,” said Mayor Backward, “there’s...."
Again he was cut short in mid sentence. This time a shining golden ball came floating over the courthouse and rolled gently to a stop in front of Nahomi.
“Oooooooo”, breathed all the Sockpuppeople, “Great Theosafits!”
“Great what?” asked Nahomi.
“Theosafits,” answered the shining woman who stepped out of the golden ball. I come to help all those who seek after truth, which is the biggest secret of all. You DO wish to find truth, do you not?”
“Yeah, yeah, that’s it...truth,” agreed Nahomi. “That’s what I’m looking for”.
“Well then all you need to do is wear those magical muddy army boots, to keep you safe from the power of the wicked witch, Genie, listen to the wise Mayor Backward, and follow the directions of the Sockpuppeople. That will lead you to the Mighty Wizard of OOze who will tell you all the secrets you ever wanted to hear, and you shall find them to be TRUTH.”
With a wave of her wand, Theosafits transferred the magical muddy army boots from Melodia to Nahomi, then waved a fond goodbye once again to the Sockpuppeople of Mensa and lifted off in her shining golden ball. “I shall return,” they heard as she drifted away, “I shall return.”
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 5:48 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 3
Theosofits' golden ball was no sooner beyond the courthouse roof, when the Sockpuppeople started stirring & mumbling among themselves, as they moved in closer to Nahomi. Mayor Backward hurried over to her, rubbing his hands together and smiling his friendly, wolfish grin.
"Well, little girl, it looks like we better get you ready for your quest! If Theosafits gave you the magical muddy army boots, you just may be able to succeed in finding all the secrets in the Universe. At least you will succeed in finding the Wizard of OOzE! We will do everything we can to prepare you for your journey!"
"I can help you," offered Art the Bell Ringer. "Please take this large can of my personal brand of snake oil with which I keep my bell from rusting. It is also good for cannon balls, lightening rods, and pirate pistols. All the Sockpuppeople keep a supply on hand for emergencies. This special oil is made only from the biggest rattle snakes in all of Mensa and the surrounding territories. I use nothing but the rattles, thereby abiding by the MSPCS rules. My usual charge is $29.95 a pint, but for this special event, and in thanks to all the aids you have given me by dropping your house on the witch, I am giving you a free trial pint to take with you on your quest. In case you run into anyone that seems to admire this super Bell Snake Oil, please tell them where you got it."
"Thank you, Mr. Art," said Nahomi as she stuck the pint in one of the many deep pockets of her voluminous gingham apron. "But, what is MSPCS?"
"Mensa Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Snakes, of course!" Art replied witheringly. "We are a subsidiary of NASA, the National Association of Snake Affiliates. Our mission is to protect snakes of all kinds wherever they may be found, although we are really protective of snakes that can be found in grass."
"Ohhhh, I see," answered Nahomi. "I think...."
Now Observiant stepped forward, holding a spy glass out to Nahomi. "Here," he mumbled, kicking his toe in the dirt at her feet. "I think you might need this more on your quest then I do here, looking for objects from out of space. If you find truth, please come and tell it to me, K?" Observiant's face was beet red as he shied away from looking at Nahomi. "I sure could use some of that there truth."
"Well, I won't be coming back here," answered Nahomi. "Not ever again. But, when I find the truth, I'll send you back a letter and your spy glass. Thanks for sharing!"
"Awwww, never you mind," Observiant mumbled. "Keep it. It's the least I can do for someone who might be sending me the truth." Now he gave Nahomi just a quick look and a little crooked smile.
"I'll do my best on the quest," Nahomi smiled back. "It's my duty."
"It's time to be moving along now," Mayor Backward said to Nahomi. "The Sockpuppeople will take you out back where the Muddy Boot Road to OOzE begins and the road from OOzE ends, so you can always find your way back. All you have to do is follow the Muddy Boot Road...and"
"But, I'm never coming back!" cried Nahomi. "Never, EVER! As soon as I find out all the secrets and truth & that stuff, I'm going straight home to Aunty Kadie & Uncle Hashish and all the other Net farm folks!"
"Arrrrgh," the Mayor choked. "Why do I keep getting interrupted when I am giving out wisdom?!"
"Sorry, Sir," Nahomi squeaked in her best widdle goil voice.
"Harrumph! Well that's OK, this last time," Mayor Backward ventured. "Since you are leaving and never coming back & all, you know." He pulled out a red checked bandana from his pocket and blew his nose noisily. "Gonna miss you, gal, but it is best you go now. Remember, follow the Muddy Boot Road."
The Sockpuppeople clustered around Nahomi, herding her out back. She held TaTa in her arms so that he would not get lost among all the little softheaded creatures with their big painted grins and roundy round eyes.
"Follow the Muddy Boot Road", they whispered as the party moved out back. "Follow the Muddy Boot Road." Soon they came to a road that Nahomi could see twisting and turning off into the horizon. The road was a brilliant brick red; real brick...not that imitation stuff they used in Candida, she noticed. Right down the middle, stretching beyond her sight over the next hill, there was a trail of muddy boot marks.
"Hmmmm," said the ever-quick Nahomi, "this must be why it's called the Muddy Boot Road!"
Now she could hear the whispers of Sockpuppeople all around her, constantly urging, "Follow the Muddy Boot Road! Follow the Muddy Boot Road!"
"Well, TaTa, I guess this is it," quavered Nahomi. "We're starting our quest to find all the secrets in the Universe. How powerful and enlightening is that?!"
"Ruff!" replied TaTa.
Nahomi put one tentative magical muddy army boot on the Muddy Boot Road, then another, smiled at all the Sockpuppeople urging her on her quest and waved at all the citizens of Mensa. Of course, this caused TaTa to drop out of her arms, but he was going to have to walk anyway. She just couldn't carry him for the rest of his life, she knew; especially when she had this Quest Duty thing to accomplish!
Striding off apace, Nahomi skipped and danced excitedly, singing:
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go,
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE!!"
"Yip, yip, yip!!"
(To be continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 5:37 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 4
"....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE...."
"Yip, Yip, Yip...."
Nahomi sang merrily as she danced (unhampered by the ugly magical muddy army boots she wore), and whirled gaily along the Muddy Boot Road. TaTa kept yapping and trying to jump back up into her arms, lazy Rapid doggie that he was. He soon grew so excited with all the merriment that he ran straight between Nahomi's legs. "OOPH!"
Nahomi fell right on her skinny butt, there in the middle of Muddy Boot Road. TaTa backed away from her and mewled like a kitten. "What did you do, you bad doggie? Where are you TaTa?" A dazed Nahomi had no idea that TaTa was hiding in the voluminous folds of her gingham apron.
"Come on, you scaredy doggie. You know mommy wuvs her widdle guy!"
TaTa nuzzled his nose against Nahomi's aching backside, and she let out a loud, "Ouch! So there you are!"
As Nahomi reached to pick up the Rapid dog, she noticed that the day seemed cooler, and the sun was not so bright. "TaTa, do you see the big shadow that's over us?" Nahomi queried as she looked all around for the shadow caster. "I wonder where it's coming from? I hope it's not another secret we have to discover!"
"Moooanph"
"Did you hear that, TaTa?"
"Grrrrr!"
"Moooanph! Moooanph!"
"There it is again! It's coming from over there!"
Once more Nahomi proved her amazing mental acuity. "TaTa...the sun is over there <-- and we are over here; so the shadow caster must be over there <-- where the moan is coming from, also. Let's go take a look off the road over there!"<--
TaTa put his tail between his legs and backed off just beyond Nahomi's reach. "Urrru, UrrrrU"
"Oh, alright, you scaredy dog, I'll go look myself!" And she did.
Nahomi walked the length of the shadow as it fell across the road and off the edge, looking down at her feet to make sure she followed the line of the shadow. It was a sight to behold when she walked right into the shadow caster, hard enough to make a !boink! issue from its body. Startled, she looked up and saw a rusty, jagged tin armor encasing a man with a gag stuck in his mouth. All the joints of the armor were rusted solid and the man could not move even a pinky. On top of his head sat a moldy old baseball cap and his eyes fluttered and rolled like a person in dire need of a Heimlich hug.
"Moooanph!" she heard once again.
"OH MY GURU! You poor thing, you! What happened?!!!!" Nahomi exclaimed.
The shadow caster rolled his eyes, his face grew red and out came "Moooanph, Moooanph! Moooanph!!!"
Naomi quickly saw the problem and stepping up on a rock nearby, she pulled and tugged, pulled and tugged, until she had the gag off his mouth and had drawn a foot or so of rags that had been stuffed into that wide orifice.
"Ooooooh, that feels good! Thanks, little girlie."
"You're (not your) very welcome, Mister. Bye now, I have to get on with my quest."
"WAAAAIT a damn minute, girlie! You can't leave me like this, all stiff and rusty and dried up in a can. Who do you think I am, Prince Albert?"
"But, sir, I don't know what I can do for you, and I have to go find the Wizard of OOzE to learn all the secrets of the Universe!"
"I'll give you secrets! What's the matter with you? Don't you see I need help here? I don't have the heart to tell you this, kid, but there's more to life than secrets."
"There IS?!" Nahomi gasped. "Like what?"
"Well, there's me for instance. It's all about ME, you know. Here I am, locked up in this rusty tin can, I haven't got a heart, I haven't got a dime, and I can't sweet talk even ONE person to slip me some oil and give me a couch to lie down my weary bones. They're all too crafty and on to my game."
"Why can't you sweet talk anyone, Mr. Shadow Caster?"
"Are you something stoooopid or what?! I just told you, dummy! I haven't got a heart!"
"I don't have any hearts in my big voluminous gingham apron pockets, sir, so I can't help you. Maybe the Wizard of OOzE can give you the secret to that."
"Yeah, well I was on my way to see the Wizard, when that Queen JoJo who stuck me in this can and Sir Rocky caught me on the Muddy Boot Road and sprayed me with Instant Rusty. They didn't feelini pity for me. Was that a nice thing to do, I ask you? Just because I tried to be chief tyrant over at that castle on the cliff back a ways, they had to go and gag me so I couldn't do my radio show, stuffed me in this tin suit and banished me! THEN when I try to get close to the Wizard of OOzE to get some help, they sprayed me with Instant Rusty and didn't even leave me any oil!"
"Oh, OIL! I've got some oil--real good snake oil. Mr. Art, the Bell Ringer at Mensa gave it to me for emergencies. Would this be an emergency, Mr. Shadow Caster?"
"Hell yes! Slip it to me kid. Make sure you get all the joints and wrinkles. Hurry, Hurry!"
"K, sir. I'm in a hurry, too. I have to get to the Wizard of OOzE so I can go home to Aunty Kadie & Uncle Hashish and enlighten all the folks on the Net farm with the secrets I find!"
"Again with the damn secrets! Start squirting, kid!"
Nahomi took out the can and started lubricating the Shadow Caster. She smiled to herself as she heard his loud OOOOs and AAAAAHs. She knew her experience on the Net farm made her specially good at lubricating.
"I was thinking, Mr. Shadow Caster...."
"Yeah, kid, I'll bet you were!"
Nahomi gave him a sweet little smile and squirted a bit of oil in his right eye. "Hey! Don't DO that!"
"I SAID, I was thinking that maybe you could go with me and my little Rapid dog, TaTa, on our quest to see the Wizard. Maybe the Wizard could tell you what happened to your heart...I mean why you don't have one. Geeee, the Wizard might even be able to GIVE you one!"
"Naaaah, it's just as easy for me to rest on those laurels over there, and let YOU make the quest. You can tell me the secret of my heart on your way back."
"Ohhhh, no! I'm not EVER coming back. Never, ever, ever. As soon as I finish my quest and have alllll the secrets, I'm going home to Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen and all the other folks on the Net Farm....you know, you look a little bit like Cliff Moanen, Mr. Shadow Caster. You have any brothers?"
"I ain't got nobody, and nobody cares for me, kid. Don't you get it yet? I ain't got money, I ain't got family, I ain't got friends and I ain't got a heart. It don't get worse than that! So, I guess I'll have to join you and your silly ass dog."
Shadow Caster flexed a leg, then an arm, which made a loud creak. Nahomi squirted one last jolt into his elbow and put the can back into her voluminous gingham apron pocket.
"Why do you wear that dumb apron, kid? It looks like hell on you!"
"Because I like to say voluminous gingham apron pocket, sir."
"Yeah, so I noticed."
"We better hurry. I can hear TaTa yowling back there on the road. He's such a scaredy dog! Besides, you just seem to be getting mean, meaner and meanest. We got to find the Wizard of OOzE and get you a heart real fast, or even I won't give you a squirt of oil when you need it!"
Nahomi skipped back out to the road to the joyful leaps and tail chasings of TaTa, while Shadow Caster stumbled stiffly behind her. Soon, though, he limbered up and the three of them tripped lightly down the Muddy Boot Road....
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE...."
Clank, clank, clank....
"Yip, Yip, Yip...."
(To be continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 5:20 AM - | |
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