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Memories and Moments
Tuesday September 5, 2006
COPYRIGHT
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 10
"The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
....Hazy as the air had been where Zzzpyzy's Parlour stood, it was still lighter there than it was as the questors made their way up the long hill out of the depths at its bottom. As they neared the top, Shadow Caster, whose stiff neck had him staring above his head most of the time, broke off his tinny song and said, "Is that the moon above the hill, there?"
Nahomi quickly pulled out her notepad and pencil from her voluminous gingham apron and said she would figure it out for him. She began to connect the dots to solve this new puzzle that was over Shadow Caster's head.
"Let me see, now....we are headed EAST on Muddy Boot Road....it is getting darker and darker....there is a big yellow ball in the sky on top of the hill....I learned on the Net Farm from Uncle Hashish that the full moon always rises in the EAST.... therefore..."
"Enough already! We get it! We get it for tooting out loud!" Poopeyer shouted. "You are the most exasperating--"
"I told you we could follow the dots," Nahomi bragged.
"Well, it's a good thing it's a full moon," Postal Man whispered. "Because it's getting really dark out and there are no street lights on the Muddy Boot Road that I can see."
"Probably too cheap to pay a lightkeeper," Nahomi offered. "There doesn't seem to be much traffic at night here, anyway."
"Or days, either," put in Shadow Caster. "I wonder what the people around here do for night life."
Whoooo? Whoooo?
"The people that live here," Shadow Caster repeated. "Can't you hear me?"
Whooo? Whooo?
"You that's whoooo! What's the matter with you all, gone deaf?"
"I didn't say anything," said Poopeyer.
Postal Man mumbled, "Me either!"
Nahomi said, "Well, let me connect the dots...."
"Oh no you don't, not again!" Poopeyer exclaimed. "Leave something for the Wizard to figure out! Besides, see that bird up in the tree over there? Didn't you ever hear an OWL on the Net farm there in Candida?"
"Actually, no. I was always tucked into my sweet little beddy bye, between my nice clean sheets, loooong before the owls came out."
Shadow Caster clapped his tin hand against his tin brow with a clunk, knocking off his ratty old ball cap. Poopeyer picked it up for him and helped him get it on his head straight, their eyes meeting and rolling with frustration.
Postal Man was looking around, trying to see between the trees that now lined the Muddy Boot Road. "You think there's any wild animals around here?" he asked shakily.
"I'm sure there are wolverines!" affirmed Poopeyer.
"And I know there must be snakes," added Nahomi. "Mr. Art, the Bell Ringer, says there are big ones he uses especially for his snake oil."
"There's got to be more big spiders than just Zzzpyzy, too!" Shadow Caster reminded them.
Postal Man's teeth were chattering now. "Wwwolverines? Ssssnakes? Ssssspiders? Oh My!"
"Yeah, it is kind of scary, come to think of it...."Poopeyer said. "Wolverines..."
"And Snakes!..." rattled Shadow Caster.
"And Spiders!..." quavered Nahomi.
"OH MY!" screamed Postal Man and took off running down the road.
"Wolverines! And Snakes! And Spiders...OH MY!"
"Wolverines! And Snakes! And Spiders...OH MY!"
"Wolverines! And Snakes! And Spiders...OH MY!"
They all ran and screamed in a panic down the Muddy Boot Road, TaTa racing to keep up and howling 'Uhruuhu', while the owl flew along overhead, repeating, "Whoooo? Whoooo?"
Nahomi finally had to stop to catch her breath, and Shadow Caster clunked up beside her gratefully. Soon, the others were standing around also, hands on their knees, taking great gasps of the cool night air.
"I had to stop," puffed Shadow Caster, "or I know I'll drown in my own sweat soon. I can feel it rising up around my belly."
"You sure that's only sweat?" asked Poopeyer. "I've been wondering what you do when you have to go to the can! Bruhahaha... choke, gasp, hoooo boy!"
"Look, you guys. We've got to figure something out. We can't be running until dawn!" Postal Man said, "and I'm too scared of all the shadows being cast, even my OWN, to hang around in one spot too long. We need to find shelter!"
"Even if there was a house around here somewhere," advised Shadow Caster, "you have no idea how hard it is to get someone to even let you lie on their couch or floor. Especially if you just don't 'look right' to them! Believe me, I've been there, done that!"
"Well, we'll keep moving, anyway," Nahomi said. "I'm sure we'll find something ...after all I do have these magical muddy army boots that Theosafits of the golden balls gave me. They've worked pretty good so far."
"Huh??" Poopeyer asked in disbelief. "You've GOT to be kidding! That episode back at Zee Parlour was good?"
"Well, we ate for free, didn't we?"
"Arrrgggghhhh," he choked in response. "What an idiot!"
"Don't be mocking me, little green man! You know where that will lead you--right to the top of my mockers list!"
"Shhhh," Postal Man hushed them. "I'm listening for wolverines and snakes and spiders...."
"Ohhhh, LOOK!" Nahomi cried.
Up ahead there was a rural mailbox at the right side of the Muddy Boot Road. It had its red flag up, and could be seen clearly, though it tilted a bit to the right.
"I think they have mail that has to go out, Postal Man. Why don't you pick it up for them? You can turn it in at the OOzE post office, if we ever get there."
"I'm not carrying one more thing than I already have," he snarled, "and I'm seriously considering to start dumping some of this junk mail I'm toting."
"You can't DO that! No littering...that would be terrible!" Nahomi scolded. "We've got to keep things clean!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah....I know. But, that story is getting kind of old....."
"Harrumph!" Nahomi turned her back on him and walked on up to the mailbox.
"Well, did you ever!"
"Wow! Look at that!"
"I can't believe it really exists!"
"Yap, yap, yap"
They all stared at the house built in the shelter of the trees. It looked like a large army boot, and a stairway zigzagged right up the front from the porch to the roof like a pair of laces. Small round windows on either side of the stairs looked like eyelets for the laces. The windows were brightly lit and from the interior came the sound of many children, laughing and playing, some crying as though their heart was breaking, and a weary adult voice was attempting to bring order to the cacophony.
"Ok, you kids...bedtime now. No more fooling around. Come here you rascal! Get over there and line up to brush your teeth! NO DIET COKE before bed, it will dissolve your teeth! I'm warning you all. I'm not afraid to use the rod on you little angels. You've all had your supper, and if you don't get to bed PRONTO, I'm going to whip you all soundly and tuck you in myself...HEY!..."
"Whew," Nahomi said. "I wonder what it would be like to have all those brothers and sisters!"
"I wonder what it would be like to have to care for all those kids!" marveled Shadow Caster.
"Yeah, especially when you can't even care for ONE!" smirked Poopeyer.
"Look at the name on the box," came from Postal Man.
"Surely Christian Anderson Home for Children," read Nahomi. "I'll bet they will give us shelter for the night. If they can handle all those kids, I'm sure we won't make much difference. Besides, we've already eaten, and I know I have a toothbrush somewhere in a pocket of my voluminous gingham apron. We can share."
"Eeeewh!" gagged Poopeyer.
"I'll let you use it before TaTa, so what's your problem?"
Nahomi swung open the iron gate and went up to the door. There was a dinner bell on the porch, but no sign of a door bell. Nahomi had an artistry with all kinds of bells though, so she just gave a tug on the rope hanging from the dinner bell.
Clang! Clang! Clang!
"Oops! A bit loud, eh?" she turned and asked her companions.
"Heh! With all the racket going on in there, it's a wonder they heard it at all!" snorted Shadow Caster.
"Then maybe I should ring it again?" and she reached for the rope.
"No, no, no! Don't do it!" cried Postal Man. "Just a minute!"
Brinnng. Brinnng.
"Oh, that's just lovely!" exclaimed Nahomi.
"I knew that thing would come in handy some day!" Postal Man smiled proudly.
"Listen!" said Poopeyer.
"I don't hear anything," answered Shadow Caster.
"Right. It's quiet. Beautifully, blessedly, QUIET. The kids must have finally gone to bed!"
Just as he finished speaking, the door opened with a tiny squeak and a tired, but lovely woman poked her head out, placing her finger on her lips for silence.
"Who are you?" she whispered.
"Well, I'm Nahomi from..." Nahomi began in her usual bright, clear, loud voice.
"Shhhhhh, softly, please. If the kids wake up again tonight, at least before the baby's two a.m. feeding, I'll go right out of my blonde head!"
Nahomi whispered now, "To make a long story longer...well, maybe I better not. We are on a quest to find the Wizard of OOzE to learn all the secrets in the Universe, and we are afraid out here in the dark with all the wolverines, snakes and spiders, OH MY!...and we wonder if you could give us shelter until morning?"
The little woman had opened the door fully now and the group could see a beautiful gray feline arched around her ankles. The woman gave a big smile and said, "Of course! As true as my name is Surely Christian Anderson, you shall surely have a safe place to rest this night. But, I cannot allow the doggie into my home."
"But, TaTa's my Rapid doggie, and he goes..."
"Nope. Won't do it. I have the children's safety to consider, and then there's Babcat here...she's very nervous around dogs... especially Rapids. I will give you a traveling cage for him to sleep in, though, so he can't get out and nothing can get in. He should be safe until the dawn comes upon him, surely."
"Well, I don't know...." hedged Nahomi.
"Maybe you don't know, but I do," broke in Postal Man and he stepped on in through the door. "It will be a blessing to spend some time without that mutt yapping, let alone how wonderful it will be to sleep safely, thanks to Surely."
"For sure! For sure!" agreed Poopeyer, and followed him in.
"I can't believe it!" Shadow Caster was stunned. "Someone is actually letting me spend a night on their couch!" and he walked on in, also.
"I don't think we can get you on a couch, with that tin all around you," Surely commiserated, "but we've got a real small closet that will keep you supported pretty well through the night. We'll leave the door open so you can come out of the closet whenever you wish. I also hear you sloshing there, quite a bit. We'll get a piece of hose and you can siphon off some of that sweat, too, if you like."
"Blubber, blubber," Shadow Caster sniveled at the kindness he was being shown.
"Well, guess I better come in, too," Nahomi said grudgingly. "If he's going to cry all over himself, I've got to be ready with Mr. Art the Bell Ringer's super Snake Oil, or he'll be too stiff to move in the morning."
Surely showed them quietly into the house where they found couches to fit all of them in the large family room. She left and came back in a flash with blankets and pillows, and a length of hose for Shadow Caster.
"This is for TaTa," she told Nahomi, handing her a doggie carrier cage. It even had a copy of the Diamond BarNone News covering the bottom, in case he had an emergency in the night.
Nahomi took it outside, and after much cajoling, she finally found a Spam flavored dog biscuit (especially for Scosh Terror Rapids), in a pocket of her voluminous gingham apron, and tricked him into the cage, whereupon she quickly shut the cage door and locked it. "Sorry, TaTa, but we have to do what's best for the majority," she reasoned.
TaTa just turned his back on her and let out a puff of Spam gas.
"K, if that's how you're (not your) going to be!" and she went inside and closed the door softly after her, though she really wanted to slam it.
Inside, Surely had given icy cold diet soda drinks to everyone. They had filled her in on what they were hoping to get from the Wizard of OOzE.
"I hear you're going to try to get all the secrets of the Universe from the Wizard," she included Nahomi in the conversation. "Maybe you'll get some to help me make these kids a wonderful life without going crazy myself. If so, would you stop by on your way back and enlighten me?"
"Oh, no! I'm never, ever coming back. Once I have all the secrets of the Universe, I'm going home to Candida to enlighten Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen, all the folks on the Net Farm. It's my duty."
"Well, I'd never stop anyone from doing their duty," replied Surely. "Speaking of which, there are three bathrooms on this floor. I'd suggest brushing your teeth.... OH! I'm sorry! I spend so much time telling the kids what to do, I forget when I'm around adults. You are adults, aren't you?"
"Well," spoke up Postal Man. "Nahomi is very innocent and naive, though she never told us her age. And she's so clean, I'm even going to use the toothbrush she has, after her! The rest of us are adults."
"Cross my heart," said Shadow Caster.
"Yeah, sure, cross your heart!" snickered Poopeyer.
"Remarkable!" Surely responded, with a puzzled look on her pleasant face. "Well, I'm sure you will want an early start in the morning....so I'll say, 'Goodnight'." And she did.
Bong...Bong...Bong...
Nahomi awoke from a deep sleep to the sound of the grandfather clock in the dining room striking three. The family room was dark; the full moon outdoors already sinking around the curve of the earth, and of course, Surely had pulled the shutters to give the sleepers an even more secure feeling from the wolverines, snakes and spiders. OH MY!
Suddenly the room was flooded with a brilliant light. Nahomi shaded her eyes and Shadow Caster, Poopeyer and Postal Man jerked awake, the light having permeated even into their dreams of riches and love.
Peeking under the shield of her hand, Nahomi saw a petite, and beautiful figure in the middle of the bright glow. Feathery wings arched gracefully behind her, and her little, perfect feet rested on a puffy wisp of cloud.
"Who...what are you?" she asked.
"Shhhh," whispered the figure. "I am Archeal, the Guardian Angel of OOzE. I have come to tell you that there is much evil afoot! You must leave immediately, if not sooner, to find the Wizard. Your journey's end is only about eight and a half miles from here and you must leave now to assure your safety."
"But what about Ms Surely?" asked Postal Man. "She'll be wondering about us!"
"I will cast a spell upon her that will make her forget you have ever been here. That way no one can find your location from anything she may say."
"It's that dangerous?" queried Shadow Caster, nervously, staring over his head.
"That dangerous!" affirmed Archeal. "Not only can I not explain what is over your head, I can only warn you that there is danger all around you. I AM able to say, 'Beware the Whirlwind and stay away from the City of Lost Children!' Now GO, quickly!"
And they did.
They hesitated only a second to see the glowing Archeal fade into the night, and stopping to release TaTa from his cage, they tiptoed down the walk, listening to the rustlings of the birds starting to move in the trees and the distant sound of the peepers from the pond out back of the unusual home of Surely Christian Anderson.
"Wish we didn't have to go so soon," complained Poopeyer. "I'll bet Surely would make a whopping good breakfast!"
"I'm so scared, I'm not even hungry," moaned Shadow Caster, opening the big iron gate.
"Well, Archeal said if we left right away to find the Wizard, we'd be safe...probably. And we did," reasoned Nahomi.
They were now quite a way down the Muddy Boot Road--far enough so that they wouldn't wake the children at the home. Nahomi lifted her head to the east, waiting for the dawn, and clasping hands with the others, started the last eight and a half miles of their quest.
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
"The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE...."
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:32 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 11
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE"....
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"...
....They had been trudging along for quite a while, anxiously looking at the sky ahead of them, where dark clouds appeared to be roiling, fighting any attempts by the sun to light their way.
"Will the dawn never come?" Postal Man quavered.
"I don't see the light at all!" answered Poopeyer. A bit of lightening flickered ahead, followed by a distant, baroooom of thunder, as though the heavens were agreeing that Poopeyer and the troops were indeed in the dark.
Nahomi whipped out her notepad and pencil from her voluminous gingham apron and proceeded to connect some dots, squinting in the gray, misty air. "Let me see...we cannot see the sun, even though it is surely morning...the air is heavy and misty...there is lightening in the dark clouds up ahead...we can hear thunder.....Why, guys, I've got it! It's going to rain!"
"RAIN??" squealed Shadow Caster. "It can't rain, it will ruin our parade to OOzE, let alone how it will rust me up completely!"
"Don't worry, I've got this umbrella!" Nahomi reassured him, reaching into another pocket of her voluminous gingham apron and whipping out the little cocktail umbrella that Surely Christian Anderson had given them with their icy cold diet sodas, earlier."
Shadow Caster looked at her with disgust. "Can you really be that dumb?"
"Stooopid, Stooopid!" tooted Poopeyer.
"Yeah," Postal Man added, "do you seriously believe we can all fit under that umbrella?"
Poopeyer could only respond to Postal Man's statement in his best G.E.D. "English I" manner, "ARRRGGGGHHH!"
"Think I'm stoooopid, eh?" sulked Nahomi, "watch THIS!" and she stomped her magical muddy army boots on the Muddy Boot Road in true naughty girl tantrum style.
Immediately a small golden glow broke through the gloom and Theosafits rolled in on one of her golden balls. "You stomped?" she smiled. "Is this a real emergency?"
"Yes it is, Oh Great Theosafits!" Nahomi exclaimed in relief.
"Bet your sweet patooty!" put in Poopeyer, while Shadow Caster could only sob, "It's gonna rain....I'm gonna be all wet!"
"As if that's anything new," mumbled Postal Man.
"WHAT?!" roared Shadow Caster, curling his tinny hand into a tinny fist, and twisting his tinny face into an almost nuclear explosive device.
Postal Man backed away from the angry man in the TTTS, who appeared more postal than he had ever been himself. "Ddddon't gggo Chernobyl on me! I-I-I just meant th-th-that I'm used to being in the rain. Nnneither rain, nor sssnow"....TaTa ran up to Postal Man's ankles and snapped and nipped the air around him, snarling angrily, "....nor even Scosh Rapid Terrors, shall deter me from my route and all that rot," finished Postal Man more strongly, as he booted TaTa a foot or two down the road....again.
"People, people, please," pleaded Theosafits, "calm down and listen to me. I have many other important things to do today, besides listen to you squabble and protect you from yourselves!"
Nahomi shoved her notepad and pencil back into her voluminous gingham apron and gave the others a withering look, as she addressed Theosafits. "I know, Ma'am, and I wouldn't have stomped, except we don't want to be all wet, and we have only this one little umbrella to protect us from the rain. It's especially bad for Shadow Caster, because you know he's already getting stiff just from this hazy mist, let alone a rain storm....and then there's the lightening! You can imagine how his wet, TTTS will attract it! With all the sweat in there, it might just boil him right in his can!"
"Thanks for sharing that," Shadow Caster glared at Nahomi, "you really made my day!"
"Have a heart, S.C.!" came from Postal Man. "You know she's only telling it like it is!"
Poopeyer snickered, "Maybe I can pop a couple handfulls of spinach up your sleeve to steam at the same time!"
Shadow Caster just stared at them all and started to sob. "Even my supposed friends don't take my problems seriously," he blubbered. "Woe is me."
Theosafits tried again. "Here's what is coming down. This is a very necessary rain. It is called the cleansing rain. A time for people of OOzE and all surrounding areas to repent for their misdeeds and leave their less noble ways, is necessary to keep peace, order and sanity in this world. It is true, the cleansing rain can be very harmful to some who feel they do not need to be cleansed, or whose armor against the world does not measure up to the onslaught of nature, and that is why I come today at the stomp of Nahomi. I will do everything I can to keep Shadow Caster from being washed away in the cleansing. Of course, he does not have a heart, so I may not be able to do enough, but I shall try."
With that, she took her golden wand and tapped four times on the tiny umbrella Nahomi held in her hand. Instantly a large, voluminous, rainbow striped umbrella appeared in the hand of each of the travelers.
"That's IT?" Shadow Caster exclaimed with disbelief. "That's all you're (not your) gonna do to save me?"
"I am sorry, Shadow Caster, but that is it. I do not have the ability to stop this world and let you off during the cleansing rain. It would not be the right thing to do, even if I did have the power. The cleansing is called for all the living, because it is called by those who most need it. Put the umbrella over your head and be sheltered by it as best you can. The rest is up to Karma, tGoCR."
"tGoCR?" queried Nahomi.
Theosafits smiled. "Yes, Karma is the Goddess of Cleansing Rain. She rains on everyone's parade, sooner or later. Now I must go." And she did.
"Gee, do you think Karma was the something evil coming this way that Archeal the Guardian Angel warned us about?" asked Postal Man.
"Actually, she said there was danger all around us," Nahomi mused. "Of course, it could be worse...it could be acid rain, you know."
"Geeez....you really push my Idiot button sometimes, Nahomi! You. Are. An. Idiot!"
"Sometimes, Poopeyer?" asked Shadow Caster. "What about ALLLL the time!"
Nahomi sniffed! "Well, I stomped you up an umbrella didn't I? You are one ungrateful wretch, Shadow Caster. I hope we get to the Wizard soon. I don't know how much more of your (not you're) sarcasm I can take. And you are starting to SMELL real bad, too. You could use a cleansing rain!"
"Yep, Yip, Yep," doggie grinned TaTa, as he sniffed around Shadow Caster's legs.
"Come on, come on, let's get moving!" urged Postal Man. "The quicker we get through the dark clouds and cleansing rain, the better I'll feel. I've snapped the cover over my mail bag real tight so the Wizard's mail doesn't get wet, and now I'm heading on down the road." And he did....followed quickly by the others.
Lightening flickered in the distance, a soft barooom of thunder sounded once more and the trees rustled ominously on either side of the Muddy Boot Road. "Brrrrr," shivered Nahomi, "I'm never, ever, ever coming back here. Once I have all the secrets of the Universe to bring back to Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net on the Net farm, and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen, I'm going straight home to Candida and a nice hot bowl of macaroni and cheese!"
Plop. Plop. Plop Plop. Plop Plop Plop. Spitter, Spatter, plop plop plop plop. The rain began and increased in earnest, intent on cleansing the consciences of the people of the hazy world all across the board on Karma Day. It was a sad sight to behold, those questers, as they huddled under their umbrellas for a while, then doggedly sloshed down the Muddy Boot Road, depressed and miserable.
Nahomi finally looked up and cried, "What the hoooo?!! It's only rain! We're still on our way to OOzE! We might as well get there, singing in the rain!" And they did.
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:24 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 12
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE"
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
....Through the plop plop of the rain drops, trudged the damp and weary quartet. TaTa tried to squeeze between Postal Man and Nahomi, so that he could get some shelter from either of their large, voluminous rainbow striped umbrellas which they kept rigidly over their head. Postal Man surreptitiously nudged him away with the tip of his walking shoe so often, though, that the doggy hair on TaTa's head was plastered down over his eyes and his coat dripped constantly on Nahomi's magical muddy army boots. Shadow Caster was sloshing along, trying to keep as much of his TTTS under his umbrella as possible, and Poopeyer was filling the air under his umbrella with green spinach haze puffed out from his fiercely smoking pipe.
They had all stopped singing--each intent on wondering how they had gotten themselves into such a mess. Up another hill they went, walking right into the dark thunderhead and flashing lightening ahead of them, and the cleansing rain kept on pouring down all around them.
"We shall gather at the river, the beautiful, beautiful, ri-i-ver! We shall gather at the..."
"Do you hear that?" asked Nahomi. "Hear those voices singing?"
"Yeah, I heard it. Who would be stoooopid enough to be out singing in this weather?" asked Poopeyer.
"Let's hurry," pushed Postal Man. "It sounds like it's coming from the other side of this hill!"
"Moannnnn..." was all that Shadow Caster could contribute, as he was growing stiffer and stiffer.
Poopeyer and Postal Man each took one of his tinny arms and half lifted him, half dragged him up to the top of the hill. They all stood on the crest, trying to see what was going on down below--an almost impossible task in the hazy air and heavy rain.
"We shall gather at the river, the beautiful, beautiful, ri-i-ver..." the song from voices below kept wafting up to them, tantalizing them to see what was going on down below.
Nahomi decided to use the spy glass that Observiant had given her and quickly removed it from the pocket of her voluminous gingham apron and put it to her eye, under the cover of her umbrella. "Whoa!" she exclaimed. There IS a river at the bottom of this hill. I spy a lot of people wandering around down there, too, but I can't make any of them out, it's just too hazy to see well."
"Does the river go across Muddy Boot Road?" asked Poopeyer.
"Yes, right across and it's high and wide, too!"
"That does it! We're done for, how we gonna get to the Wizard now?" moaned Shadow Caster. "It's a cinch I can't swim it, and we haven't got a dime to pay for a boat!"
Postal Man, all a-tremble said, "Dddddo you think it's even sssafe to go down among all the people there? We ddddon't know who they are, and Archael dddid say there was danger ahead!"
"Well, we just don't have a choice," Nahomi stated firmly. "It is my duty to get to the Wizard and learn all the secrets of the Universe, and since I was told to follow the Muddy Boot Road there, that's what I'm going to do!" And she did.
The others clustered closely to her and they edged carefully on down the hill toward the singers below, until they were close enough to see and hear more clearly. The singing was coming from the other side of the river, and they could now see that there was a bridge crossing over the river. The entrance to the bridge was blocked by a gate, firmly locked, and beside it, under a huge umbrella, seated on a high stool with a calculater on a lecturn in front of him, sat an officious looking man. He had a high top hat and big owlish-looking eye glasses sat on a sharp pointed nose. When he caught sight of them, standing in a lump at the edge of the Muddy Boot Road, he waved them over.
"Come on, come on," he called stridently. "Get a move on, now....you're holding up the line!"
The group looked behind and all around themselves, and could not see another soul. "Oh, oh, another coconut," Poopeyer whispered to Nahomi behind his hand.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," she whispered back, and walked over to the lecturn and stared right up into the owlish glasses of the man on the stool.
"Ahem," she cleared her throat. "I am Nahomi from Candida, and this is my Rapid Doggie, TaTa. We are going on a quest with my friends over there, to find the Wizard of OOzE. Since we must follow the Muddy Boot Road, and a river runs through it, we need to use the bridge to get across and continue our quest. Will you let us through?"
"Well, that all depends," answered the man.
"On what?"
"You know of course, this is the feast day of Karma, tGoCR? All the people are gathering at the other side of the river to be cleansed."
"Well, we will be cleansed, also, if that's what it takes to be enlightened," answered Nahomi.
"Wait a minute, Nahomi" interrupted Shadow Caster. "If this cleansing has anything to do with water, you have to count me out. I'm not going any farther. It's too dangerous! Just behold the rage in that river!"
"S.C., get it through your head!" admonished Poopeyer hoarsely. "There just ain't no way but straight across that river. We'll explain about your problem with cleansing when we get to the other side! Let Nahomi wheel and deal for now!"
"OK, but I don't like the feel of this. Not at all," moaned Shadow Caster, backing off.
The man on the high stool had listened carefully and now looked owlishly at Nahomi before he spoke. "If you are all going, you must submit to the entry tests first, then," he informed her.
"Oh! I'm good at tests," said Nahomi, whipping out her notepad and pencil from a pocket in her voluminous gingham apron. She was now having a time, juggling the spy glass, umbrella, pad and pencil, all at one time, so she collapsed the glass and put it back into her pocket and asked Postal Man to hold the umbrella over her head while she poised her pencil, ready to take the test.
"My name is Ree Publican," began the tester. "I am here to test each person who wishes to cross the Raging River via the Muddy Boot Bridge before their entry. First, you must all pass one by one in front of the lecturn for the brain scan to check for truthfulness, and then there will be a simple mathematics exercise to test your account ability. Begin."
"But, that's what we are going to see the Wizard for!" cried Nahomi. "Theosafits of the golden balls said the WIZARD would give us truth! Of course, my notepad and pencil here shows you how much account ability I have! What a silly test!"
Ree Publican was nonplussed at Nahomi's speech. "You still have to pass in front of my scanner!" he ordered. "I am here to protect all the people on the other side from the terror of trolls and other monsters."
"Ttttttrolls?" stuttered Postal Man. "There are trolls around here?"
"Oh yes, they hide in the bush and shrubs around here. Every so often they try to get to the other side and are caught by the brain scan and thrown into the Raging River, where they lurk beneath the bridge, waiting to feast upon the fear of some cowardly soul."
"Gee, wonder who THAT would be," Poopeyer scoffed, nudging Shadow Caster.
"OK, OK, if you insist," Nahomi agreed. "I'll walk in front of your old brain scanner!" And she did.
"Hmmmm," mused Ree Publican. "Your brain is bigger than I thought it would be, and amazingly it shows that you think that what you believe is the truth, so that will have to do, I guess. Now for a count ability test. I'll give you an easy one. What are two plus two?"
"I've got it, just a second now, hmmmm," Nahomi started figuring on her notepad. "I know all I have to do is follow the dots. One....One....One...."
"Oh, for heaven's sake! I can't stand this. If you all take this long, you won't be over there in time for the cleansing." Ree Publican jumped down from his high stool to unlock the gate and everyone just stared at the midget.
"Now there's a twist," smirked Poopeyer. "Usually it's a big guy like you, Shadow Caster, who has a midget brain. Ree Publican is a midget with a giant brain--go figure!"
Shadow Caster was too frightened by the sound of the Raging River to reply to Poopeyer's erudite G.E.D. observation, and it took both Nahomi and Postal Man to pry his tin hands from either side of the gate, while Poopeyer pushed from behind to get him on his way over the Muddy Boot Bridge.
"Bye, Mr. Ree Publican. Thank you for your help with our account ability!" called Nahomi as she followed her friends to continue their quest.
"Snarl, growl, howl," TaTa snapped at the side of the bridge when a scaley hand with a long pointed nail tried to claw between the rails.
"Cut that out, TaTa! You ignore that troll and it will ignore you. It probably doesn't really exist anyway! Just one more figment of your imagination," Nahomi scolded.
Listening to the song of those gathering at the Raging River bank, the group soon crossed over the bridge and had left their restless fears behind them. All except for Shadow Caster. There was something about the word cleansing that he couldn't quite take, and he just didn't know why.
"Pssst, Nahomi," Shadow Caster sidled over to whisper into her ear, "tell you what. Let's just sneak real easy through this crowd and maybe they won't even notice us. Then we can get away without being cleansed and move on down the road, OK?"
They were being pushed and nudged on every side, and the people who had already been cleansed were shaking hands and congratulating each other.
"I dunno, S.C., those people don't seem to be any the worse for their cleansing. See how their name tags glow in the dark after they are cleansed? It's a sight to behold!"
For sure, tags were glowing everywhere. "Wun", GOM, Lu, 'M.Thoreau', MICK, JSB, Rocky, 'Celestine', on and on, Shadow Caster could behold those who had been cleansed. Still his heart would have been beating like a trip hammer, if he'd had one. Something about those people, those names, all so familiar yet merely seeing their names glowing in the hazy dark all around him, frightened him so! He was sure that if he were cleansed, he would cease to exist!
"No, no, Nahomi! Poopeyer! Postal Man! Let's sneak away!"
So startled were his companions by his abject fear, that they never argued with Shadow Caster. Stealthily they curled their way through the singing Cleansed, keeping their heads down so that no Wun or JSB would recognize them as they snaked their way out of the Raging River bank and climbed the short rise to continue their trek on the Muddy Boot Road.
"I'm never ever going through that again," Nahomi mumbled. "I'm so ashamed for being so frightened of all those nice people. I don't know how I let Shadow Caster get to me!"
They all walked with their heads down, rain dripping unceasingly from their large, voluminous rainbow striped umbrellas. The cleansing rain had never touched them. But would they still have to answer to Karma some day? According to Theosafits, they would. And they did.
They slogged on until the sounds of "We shall gather at the River" were left behind. Shadow Caster could not look any of them in the eye, and Poopeyer for once hadn't had a smart alec toot to say since they'd left the river bank.
"Karma Day will be over very soon," Nahomi finally broke the silence. "I'll bet the sun will come out tomorrow!"
"For sure! For sure!" tooted Poopeyer, "Bet your bottom dollar, tomorrow there'll be sun!"
"Yeah, tomorrow!" added Postal Man. "There's always tomorrow!"
"Tomorrow," mumbled Shadow Caster. "One more day without a heart." And he tried to wipe a tear from his eye with his tinny forefinger. "Damn, Nahomi...that eye that you squirted with snake oil still bothers me!"
"I know, ole Buddy, I know," Poopeyer patted him on his tinny back side and straightened out his ratty old ball cap on his tinny head. "We'll be getting to the Wizard soon. That'll straighten you out!"
"That's what I'm afraid of," mourned Shadow Caster. "That's what I'm afraid of."
"Well, I'll worry about that tomorrow!" Nahomi spoke up brightly. "We ALL will! But, for now...."
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:19 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 13
...."The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE"
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
....Plop Plop Plop....Plop Plop...Plop..Plop, drops of the Cleansing Rain slowed, stuttered and then stopped. The last few driplets trickled from the large, voluminous, striped umbrellas--several splashing right into TaTa's eye as he turned his muddied head up to Nahomi to see if she had noticed the change in the weather. "Rrruuu," he let out, shaking his tubby body hard enough to spatter Postal Man's blue knee socks.
He was, of course, rewarded by a nudge from the shoe of the irritated postal man, who just HATED Rapid Scosh Terror dogs and rain, in whatever order they presented themselves to him. "I swear, if I can't get shuck of that mangy cur, I'll never deliver another post as long as I live!" Postal Man exploded.
"He's MY special doggie!" Nahomi steamed. "HE's going back to Candida with me forever and ever, not YOU, so you can go ahead and deliver your silly, dumb, posts as long as the soles on your shoes hold out! So THERE!"
"Ahhh, don't be like that Nahomi. You know I loves ya!" Postal Man sucked up his drooping belly and courageously added, "It's just the company you keep that riles me. That silly dog that you keep scooping poop for...a moaning, rusty, old piece of walking tin, and for gosh sakes--that green little critter and his obnoxious pipe! You don't even like spinach!"
"Well, contrary to popular opinion, Postal Man, I am not the company I keep. These people, for whatever selfish reasons they may have had, promised to help me on my quest for the Wizard...so I'm sticking to them like a fly on a glued board. So come or stay, it's your choice," Nahomi finished.
Shadow Caster and Poopeyer smirked in a sickening, self-satisfied way at Postal Man. Even TaTa had an "I told you so" doggie sneer as he sidled up and shook more Cleansing Rain leavings on him.
Postal Man sighed and mumbled, "You know I'll stick with you, Nahomi, as long as there's the slightest chance I might get to go to Candida and be with you forever."
Nahomi smiled knowingly and continued down the Muddy Boot Road, followed by Shadow Caster and Poopeyer. TaTa was still running in circles around Postal Man's heels as they brought up the rear. "Cleansing Rain, HAH! Didn't do a damn thing for you, dumb dog. You still stink!" and he booted TaTa away from him. Again.
"Toot Toot! Here comes the sun!" sang out Poopeyer as they reached the top of the hill. And it did! Stretched out before them was a long, level stretch of the Muddy Boot Road. The sun spotlighted the red bricks, newly cleansed by the rain, and was rapidly drying out a puddle left here and there. The forest on either side still twinkled with diamond like drops of moisture, but there was no doubt that it was going to be a bright, bright, sunshiny day.
"Stop here and close your umbrellas," Nahomi said, doing just that with her large, voluminous, rainbow striped, Cleansing Rain protector. The others followed suit, Poopeyer lifting his arm to sling his umbrella into the forest.
"Don't do that!" Nahomi screamed. "That was a gift from Theosafits. You can't just be throwing away gifts of friendship like that! Besides, you never know when you'll need the protection of that umbrella again or the friend that gave it to you! And you call everyone else stoooopid! Geesh!"
"Well, it's too much of a burden for me to carry, so I'm chucking it!" Poopeyer stubbornly maintained.
"So, give up your gift of friendship to me, and I'LL carry it in my voluminous gingham apron!" Nahomi charged, "the rest of you do the same thing. I'll keep Theosafits' friendship safe in my pocket until we reach the Wizard, since the purpose of the umbrella seems to be over your heads!" And they did.
While they stood around, stretching their arms out to the warmth of the sun and watching Nahomi trying to stuff the umbrellas into various pockets of her voluminous gingham apron, TaTa perked up his head and ran back a ways, giving little warning yaps.
"What's his problem, I wonder?" asked Shadow Caster, "I don't hear anything."
"That's because you have tin ears," answered Poopeyer. I hear the sound of horses' hooves and a bugle!"
"So do WE!" agreed Nahomi and Postal Man.
Sure enough, a troop of horses were creating a small whirlwind of dust as they galloped up the hill leading from the Raging River. The riders carried banners in their hands and a young man with a horn blared a Ta Raaa TAATAA at the barking dog, warning him off or else.
"Oh MY! Oh MY!" screamed Poopeyer, Shadow Caster and Postal Man. "It's Queen JoJo's men from FACT! We've got to hide, hide, hide!" And they did, running off into the trees, closely followed by TaTa, who was so frightened he had left a deposit of spammy doo-doo, right next to the left of Nahomi's magical muddy army boots.
"Men from FACT? I wonder what that is?" she spoke out loud to herself as she automatically grabbed the plastic bag with dried brown clumps in it, and finding a stone, scraped more of TaTa's spammy doo-doo into it.
"Fugitive Alert Crusaders Troops, Miss!"
"Ohhh My! You frightened me!" Nahomi hadn't noticed the leader of the horsemen nosing his horse up to her while she bent over, doing her duty--cleaning up after TaTa.
"Sorry, but we have a few questions to ask you."
"About what? I don't know anything. I'm on my way to the Wizard of OOzE to find out all the secrets of the Universe, though. Maybe you could check back later?"
"It's this way Miss...."
"I know that! Theosafits of the golden balls told me I'd find the Wizard, going this way down the Muddy Boot Road!"
"Uhhhh, I meant that this is the situation, Miss...."
"What's that spray can you've got in your hand?" Nahomi peered suspiciously up at the handsome knight on his white charger.
"This is Instant Rusty; you see, I'm Sir Rocky and we are all knights of Queen JoJo's exclusive Round Couch. We are out on a Code E alert. Recently a Tin Man escaped from his sentence to being rusted in a Too Tight Tin Suit and I am here to find him and spray him once and for all, then bring him back to lean on the laurels back a long way on the Muddy Boot Road. We've just left the Muddy Boot Bridge and Ree Publican, the brain scanner, said that someone fitting his description crossed over the bridge early this morning. Have you seen him?"
"Oh, no, Sir!" Nahomi crossed the fingers of her right hand behind her back. "I don't know anyone by the name of Tin Man."
Now another knight edged his silvery stallion up beside Sir Rocky's white charger. "Then have you seen a little green man smoking a foul smelling pipe? -- at least we think it's the pipe that smells so foul.
I am Sir Heggy, and Queen JoJo has given me the pleasure of finding this green man and bringing him back to face charges of dereliction of duty in protecting the Royal Spinach Fields, and suspicion of absconding and/or bartering with a substantial quantity of the product therefrom."
"I don't know anyone by the name of Little Green Man," and Nahomi crossed the fingers of her left hand behind her back.
"I am Lord Kemosabe," began a third rider, nudging his shiny black mount up to the group. It snorted through firey nostrils and reared just a bit as it caught the scent of TaTa's doo-doo in the pocket of Nahomi's voluminous gingham apron pocket. "Easy there, ClickIt, boy...easy!" soothed Kemosabe, taking firmer rein.
"I represent the gubmint," he continued. "I am looking for a mail carrier that has disappeared with a bag full of very sensitive junk mail. He is a very nervous, short-tempered person...actually postal at times. People at the bank of the Raging River said they thought they'd seen someone with a big bag on his shoulder in their midst during the Cleansing this morning. Has he come this way?"
"Mail Carrier? Never heard of anyone called 'Mail Carrier', sorry." Now Nahomi crossed her arms behind her back.
"As the three knights turned away, one handsome, tall, brawny blond knight edged his chocolate fudge steed up to Nahomi, removed his peaked cap and swooped it in a bow so low that the feathers on it almost touched the tips of her magical muddy army boots. "Miss, one more question, if you please. I am Sir Dan of the EPA of Queen JoJo's queendom. There have been reports to our office that an alien animal fell from the sky and has been befouling our roads and fields with a spammy smelling excrement. I must capture this alien animal, heard to be called 'doggie' and take it to be impounded until it is checked for physical and mental suitability for our realm. Have you seen or smelled anything of this doggie?"
"Don't know anything about something called doggie" and this time Nahomi crossed the only thing left besides her eyes--her legs.
Ta Raaa TAA TAA! Came the call of the bugle again.
"What's that guy TaaTaaing about?" asked Nahomi. "I said I don't know any doggie!"
"That is just young Tilos, blowing his horn again, calling us to continue with our crusade for right and justice and the mysteries of the unknown. We heard rumors that these fugitives were in the company of a young girl, and they were attempting to reach The City of Lost Children to hide among all the anonymous gathered there. We must then, be on our way!" And they were, in a blare from the young man with the horn and a whirl of dust from their horses' hooves.
When the dust from the horses could no longer be seen, and even after the sound of their hooves on the red brick Muddy Boot Road had faded away, Shadow Caster, Poopeyer, Postal Man and TaTa crept out from the trees of the forest where they had been hiding.
"Whew, that was close!" Postal Man breathed deeply and coughed.
"I knew they wouldn't see us behind the trees, because of the forest," gloated Poopeyer.
"Huh?" queried Shadow Caster.
Poopeyer started to repeat, "I said I knew they wouldn't see us..."
"I know what you said, I just can't believe you were stooooped enough to say it!"
"How about untwisting me here," suggested Nahomi. She still stood by the edge of the road, arms crossed behind her, fingers crossed on both hands and her legs wedged into a firmly shaped X.
Poopeyer and Postal Man rushed to her side and started unwinding her limbs, massaging her arms, but Nahomi batted Postal Man away when he went for her legs.
"Grrrrr..." came from TaTa, nipping at Postal Man's hand. "Nasty cur!" he snapped back.
Shadow Caster was clunking around with a big grin on his tinny face. "Way to LIE, Nahomi!" he cheered. "You can always tell when the company you keep is doing you good! You'd never have been able to pull that off, before you joined up with us!"
Nahomi gave him a drop dead look.
"A., Mr. Too Tight Tin Suit, I did not lie...I had my fingers crossed!"
"B., They did not ask for any of you by name.
"C., I did not join up with YOU; YOU joined up with ME!
"D., I am not keeping company with you. At least only until I find the Wizard and get all the secrets in the Universe! Then I'm going home to Candida with TaTa and never, ever, coming back here to be in your company again!"
Shadow Caster was jerked backward with every point that Nahomi spat out at him. Thoroughly stunned, he froze his special pouty tin face for all to see, and turned his back on Nahomi.
"If that's over," reasoned Poopeyer, "does anyone want to discuss the fact that there was a whirlwind of dust when the FACT group rode in, AND they mentioned they were going to search for us in The City of Lost Children? Did that ring a bell? Anybody?"
"Oh yaaah!" Postal Man agreed. "Archeal's warning!"
"Of course! We need to steer clear of tCoLC!" exclaimed Nahomi. "Come on Shadow Caster! Quit your gloomin' and try to act human...we must be off to see the Wizard, before FACT finds out we're not really at The City of Lost Children!" And they were!
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:12 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 14
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
Brinnnng! Brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
...."How far you think we've come?" Shadow Caster puffed. "We were only 8 1/2 miles away from OOzE when we left Surely Christian Anderson's and it seems we've been traveling forever!"
"I dunno, but there's a sign over there that reads, Counting Line Inspection Ahead, all travelers must stop" answered Poopeyer. "That must mean we are getting close to something or other."
"Let's hurry, then at least we'll get a chance to stop!" groaned Postal Man, shifting his heavy bag from his right shoulder to the left.
"Yes, let's do," agreed Nahomi. "See up ahead there? There's a little guard house next to the road....that must be the inspection center. I wonder what it's all about? Come on, let's run to get there faster!" And they did.
"HALT!"
WOOSH! The troupe pulled up short as they heard the command. They had been so intent, running with their heads down in an effort to quickly get to the inspection center, that they hadn't noticed they were there until the authoritative voice issued the command to halt.
"Ooo ooo," cowered TaTa.
"Gulp," choked Shadow Caster, while Poopeyer forgot to puff on his pipe in amazement.
Nahomi was not daunted by the appearance of the bronze robot standing in front of them, with its arms spread out to prevent them from proceeding. She just walked up to it and said, "Is this the inspection place?"
Once again the deep, rumbling voice came to their ears, "Yes, it is and I am RoboCop Jerry666, border inspector. You are about to cross over the line from Dot Counting to Surreal."
"I don't see no line," grumbled Postal Man.
"The line between Dot and Surreal is very fine; few humans can see it. That is why RoboCops are used at all Counting Line inspection centers," Jerry666 droned on in his mechanical voice.
"But, we want to find OOzE, and the Wizard--not Surreal," complained Nahomi.
"The Palazzo of OOzE, where the Wizard resides, is in the Counting Line of Surreal," explained the RoboCop.
"What kinda name is 'Surreal' anyways?" tooted Poopeyer. "Do you even know what that means, Stooopid?"
Jerry 666 brought one of his outstretched arms to his chest and keyed in a few buttons on the panel there. Immediately a mechanical voice played through the speaker on the panel:
'Webster archives define SURREAL as fantastic or incongruous imagery or effects produced by unnatural juxtapositions and combinations.'
"Oh, I see," said Nahomi. "Now if you'll please define incongruous and juxtapositions, I'll get the rest of the meaning."
"Yeah," put in Shadow Caster, "it's hard to believe there even is a word like 'incongruous', let alone 'juxtapositions'! You've got me beside myself trying to understand you!"
"Is that like 'semantics'?" Postal Man whined. "Geeeeze, why can't you guys talk pure Candidan?"
"Snicker, snorrrk!" Poopeyer guffawed, "what is it with you three--stooopid or sumpin'? It just means we ain't gonna find out nothin' by connecting dots, once we step over the line. Things are gonna be as bad or as good as we imagine them to be. For sure, Nahomi, it ain't gonna be Candida, anymore!"
"Exactly!" Jerry 666 agreed. "You will be entering a world where you will not even be able to believe your own lying eyes. You will cross fine lines between sanity and madness, between joy and sadness, love and hate, faith and despair, right and wrong, and never really understand on which side of a line you stand. Within the Babylon of Surreal, you will make your search for the Wizard."
"Ohhh, how far away IS OOzE?!" squealed Nahomi.
"Just over the next rise," answered the RoboCop. "When you step over the Counting Line, you will set foot in OOzE. Remember to follow the Muddy Boot Road, no matter how fearsome you find it, or you will become even more disoriented than you think you are, and you may never find the Wizard. Now, everyone line up for the pre-entry inspection, please"
RoboCop Jerry666 pushed a button in his wrist panel and a long wand extruded from his middle finger.
"Awww, that's not nice!" exclaimed Poopeyer. "Do you see that, Shadow Caster?--Postal Man?"
"We are offended," Shadow Caster proclaimed stiffly. "I want your badge number so that I can file a complaint with the authorities!"
"I AM the authorities," RoboCop intoned. "File this!" And he extended the wand of his middle finger out even further.
"I don't understand," Nahomi spoke up. "Why are you all so upset?"
"Rrrrufffff!" TaTa wagged his tail.
"Never mind, Nahomi. You don't need to know, since what you don't know can't harm you, innocent little girl." Postal Man sucked up a big breath of air and added, "Inspect me first, Jerry666....I want to cross over the line post haste!"
Jerry666 waved his finger wand over Postal Man, up & down his sides and between his legs. "Watch it, Watch it!" warned Postal Man as the clicking wand searched above his knees.
"My sensor detects a metal object classified as BB 1-dinger, or a bicycle bell in your terminology. Please be informed that bell dinging in any number is strictly prohibited in Surreal Counting. Anyone apprehended for such practices will have their bell dismantled and be subject to a fine and/or imprisonment in the Counting Jail for Bell Dingers. Do you understand and accept these conditions for admittance to Surreal Counting?"
"I can't ring my bell??"
"That is so. Once you step over the Counting Line, the bell must be silenced for as long as you remain."
"OK! OK! I GOT IT!" came the Postal Man's response.
"Then take two ringy ding steps forward and cross silently over the Line," RoboCop ordered. And he did.
"You next!" Jerry666 waved Shadow Caster over.
Shadow Caster sloshed forward in his TTTS, eyeing RoboCop's clicking finger wand warily. "Be careful with that thing," he moaned. "Don't zap me with it. I'm afraid it won't agree with my tin suit, especially since it's half filled with bodily fluids!"
"True, I shall be careful. The finger wand has been known to stop hearts when used improperly in the wrong places."
"Huh!" Poopeyer snorted. "Shouldn't bother him, then....he doesn't have a heart!"
Shadow Caster gave him the look of death, causing Poopeyer to sidle behind Nahomi, vying for the most secure position with TaTa, who was also hiding behind her voluminous gingham apron skirts.
RoboCop proceeded carefully with the finger wand inspection of Shadow Caster, pausing only when the clicking became louder as it passed over the raggedy ball cap perched clumsily on his head.
"My sensors say that you must reverse your cap so that the T for traitor points at the back. You will be provided with a red T, painted to your forehead, if you decide to accept these terms for your admittance to Surreal Counting."
"What for?" questioned Shadow Caster. "Haven't I suffered enough pain and humiliation in Dot Counting without this further affront?"
"Jerry666 pressed a button on his chest and the mechanical voice again came from the speakers:
'All traitors must be identified coming and going in Surreal Counting. Any attempt to hide their identity will be punished by immediate application of Instant Rusty and placement in the village square for the convenience of Surreal Pigeons.'
"Do you agree with these conditions, man in TTTS?" asked RoboCop.
"Do I have a choice?" grumbled Shadow Caster.
"Actually--No," came the answer. Immediately, RoboCop Jerry666 raised his other arm and his forefinger, sprouted out a fine brush, dripping with red paint. With agility, he painted a big red T right in the middle of Shadow Caster's tinny forehead, retracted the brush and spun the baseball cap front to back, then stepped back to eye his artistry.
"That will do, now take two piggly wiggly steps forward and cross over the Surreal Counting Line!" Jerry666 told Shadow Caster. And he did.
Now RoboCop pointed his ever clicking finger wand at Poopeyer. "You--here!" he commanded.
"Mmmmee? What about HER?" Poopeyer pointed at Nahomi.
"Men before women in Surreal Counting," was the explanation. "Let's get on with it!"
Poopeyer edged around from his sheltered spot behind Nahomi and stepped forward, giving little tooting sounds that curled up with the green smoke from his pipe, as the finger wand approached his body.
"First, you must stop smoking that pipe. There are no smoke screens allowed by the visitors to Surreal Counting, no matter what color they are.
"Ohhhh, geeezzze," Poopeyer complained. "It's the best spinach around..."
"No exceptions!" Jerry666 finalized the edict.
"Ok, Ok," agreed Poopeyer, "now can I..."
"AND," added the RoboCop, "you must open both eyes and speak from the middle of your mouth while in Surreal Counting. No one- sided, squinty-eyed views and no talking from both sides of your mouth is allowed."
"How come I have to do so much!" Poopeyer yelled. Everyone else only had one thing to do! That's not fair. I'm really pissed!"
"Well, maybe you just have more things wrong with you that haven't been taken care of before you got to the line----whatever. That's how it's got to be, though."
Poopeyer heard Shadow Caster say from across the line, "Guess the snicker is on you, eh ole buddy?"
"OK, OK, I'll do it!" he yelled at RoboCop. "Just let me cross that line so I can get my hands on..."
"Oh, stop it Poopeyer!" Nahomi called out. "We're wasting a lot of time here...get on with it and we'll argue later!"
"Indeed, 'Poopeyer'," Jerry666 agreed. "Come now, take two crappy steps forward and cross over into Surreal Counting!" And Poopeyer did.
"And now, young woman, let's see what we have here," Jerry666 stated, his finger wand playing over Nahomi, in her voluminous gingham apron, as she held TaTa in her arms.
"I see that the dog will fit right into Surreal Counting!" he exclaimed. "There is little of reality about him. He may need a new license, though, plus a leash. Check in at the Court House....the licensing of dogs and temporary restraining departments are all on the same floor. I may even see you in court there some day; that is where I go to file my reports."
"Is there a charge for the license and leash?" asked Nahomi, "because we haven't got a dime among (not between) us."
"No charge. Licensing and leashing of Scosh Terror Rapid dogs are considered a public safety need and are government issue in Surreal Counting."
"Thank heavens for that! Can I cross now?"
The wand played around Nahomi a bit more. "Well, you will not be able to use your pencil and notepad for connecting dots anymore. That is not allowed in Surreal. The TaTa doggie doo-doo bag will have to be discarded. The licensing bureau will give you information about where that is done.
"I see you have a can of Bell Snake Oil, which is contraband in Surreal. I am sure it will be confiscated as soon as a RoboCop there detects it in your voluminous gingham apron pocket.
"The large, rainbow striped umbrellas will have to be checked at the door to the Wizard's Palazzo. The Wizard worries about the bad luck they cause if they are accidently opened indoors.
"Spy glasses are specifically forbidden. You will be shown all that you are allowed to see. Spying is punishable by death. Spies are thrown to the trolls in the moat around the Wizard's Palazzo. Other than those instructions, you are free to proceed, if you agree to abide by them."
"Ohhhh, that's all?" Nahomi sneered. "Now I know why I'm leaving here and never ever ever coming back. I hope the Wizard gives me all the answers in the Universe right away, so I can take them back to Aunty Kadie and Uncle Ned Hashish and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen on the Net farm. This place is crazy!"
"Hmmmm, if you think THIS is crazy, take two dizzy blonde steps forward and cross over into Surreal Counting!" And she did, TaTa clutched firmly in her hands.
"Do you believe this!" Poopeyer jumped her as soon as she stepped over the line.
"Oh, MY!" was all she could say.
The red brick Muddy Boot Road was now a brilliant purple. Trees on either side of the road were shades of orchid, orange and yellow, while bushes were striped in alternating colors of the same hues. A peek up at the sky showed it to be a bright pink, with poofs of red clouds all about.
"It's enough to make you upchuck!" said Postal Man. "All the color is making me dizzy!"
"Yeah! Look at the way it all reflects in Shadow Caster's TTTS! He looks like a ball room light when he moves!"
From across the line, they could hear the deep, rumbling, mechanical laughter of RoboCop Jerry666 as he entered his inspection office. "Can't say I didn't warn them," they heard as he shut the door on the rest of his words.
"OK, guys, suck it up, now!" Nahomi bolstered in her bravest voice. "We'll get used to the color, just don't try to compare it with what we are used to. We have to look at it in a new light."
"I'd rather look at it in the dark, if you don't mind," burbled Poopeyer from the edge of the road where he was spewing his guts. "On top of it, I am already into withdrawal from not having my pipe!"
"Urrrruhuuuuuu," came a howl from the totally disconsolate TaTa, on the ground at Nahomi's feet where she had set him after they crossed over.
"What's his problem?" asked Shadow Caster. "I thought Scosh Terror Rapids were color blind?"
"They are," answered Postal Man. "He just wants to be carried again. Dumb piece of crap!" and he aimed a kick that just missed when TaTa saw it coming and dodged.
"My fellow Questors, attention! According to Jerry666, that long rise up ahead is the final stretch to OozE and the Palazzo of the Wizard. I don't know about you, but I'm OFF!"
"So are we, Nahomi, so are we!" they shouted. "We're OFF, too!" And they were....
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
brinnnng! brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 4:04 AM - | |
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