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Memories and Moments
Tuesday September 5, 2006
Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 15
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
brinnnng! brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
....They had been walking a long time. Above them, the bright pink sky had faded to a shade of squeezed lemon juice, dripping in layers of cloudy pulp and just above the hill, a full blue moon was rising. Swirls of striped red and black bats rose up from the sides of the Muddy Boot Road to outline themselves against the blue moon briefly, before they continued in their search of warm blooded creatures and insects for their nightly repast.
"I thought RoboCop said it was a 'short' distance up the rise?" moaned Shadow Caster as he sloshed along with the myriad colors of Surreal flitting over his TTTS.
"Humph!" snorted Poopeyer, "nothing here is what you think it should be, so why is distance any different? Don't need a note pad and pencil to figure that one out!"
"It's against the law to connect dots here, anyway," mumbled Postal Man.
"We can 'imagine' things, though!" Nahomi piped up. "I imagine that Poopeyer is right, nothing is going to be like we're used to here. I can't wait for the Wizard of OOzE to give me all the answers in the Universe, so TaTa and I can get back to Candida, for forever and ever!"
"Rrrrufffff!" agreed TaTa, snuggling up against Nahomi's left magical muddy army boot.
"Uhhhh, Nahomi," ventured Postal Man, "have you given any thought of how you will get back to Candida?"
"Har! Har! Har!" sniggered Poopeyer. "Maybe she can mail herself and you will deliver her! That's one way to hang close!"
Nahomi gave Poopeyer a disgusted look and reached over and patted Postal Man's hand, which gesture made him turn a bright shade of purple. "Oh, my! I think people blush purple in Surreal!" Nahomi exclaimed.
"It's Surreal that they blush at all!" grumbled Shadow Caster.
"You got that right, ole buddy! I'll bet there's not one person as good and nice and smart and sweet and...."
"We get you, Poopeyer, you can stop any time!" answered his ole buddy. "Postal Man has a point, though. Nahomi's house that she rode in on is back in Mensa. What will she ride out of here?"
"I am sure the Wizard will take care of that," Nahomi answered. "I have complete faith that OOzE will be all truth and knowledge, just like Theosafits of the golden balls told me."
Their conversation whiling away the time, the questers continued on up the hill as the colors around them faded into the sickly squeezed lemon color of the sky, while the blue moon cast dark shadows all around them.
TaTa had been waddling ahead, looking for a place to lift a leg, and reached the crest of the hill before the others. "Yip, Yip, Yip," he kept barking in a nerve shattering cadence.
"I wish that dog would disappear into the blue moon!" Postal Man groaned. "It's enough to drive a sane person...."
No sooner had the words left his mouth then out of the lemon colored sky, Smash! Bam! Ala' Kazam! a large, silver bird, with multicolored wing tips and flowing tail swooped down and scooped TaTa up in its talons and took off across the face of the blue moon!
"Oooo, oooo, oooo! Come back here you!" screamed Nahomi. "That bird's got my TaTa! See what you did, Postal Man! You hexed TaTa! Run! Run! Let's try to keep up with him!"
"I dunno, Nahomi," Poopeyer puffed as they took off up the hill. "That was a Surreal Pheasant, and there's no way we can keep up!"
"Shut up and run!" was all Nahomi would say.
Clunking, tooting, sweating and crying, the party reached the hilltop.
"I don't see anything," huffed Postal Man, hitching his bag.
"You just keep quiet!" Nahomi ordered. You've caused enough damage for one day!"
WHOOSH, WHOOSH, WHOOSH, the sound of huge wings flapping in the evening sky caused them all to look up....and scream in fear! Down from the blue moon came a Surreal flock of Pheasants and a fire breathing group of Dragons. Something that could only be seen in Surreal once in a blue moon was winging down at them, never making a sound other than the whoosh of huge wings.
Shadow Caster took a look at the Dragon bearing down on him and turned to run back down the hill, but tripped over his own big, tinny feet. The heat of Dragon fire seared his back and then he was lifted up off the ground and found himself rising up, up, into the pulpy lemon colored night.
Poopeyer got a bit further down the hill, but soon a Pheasant grabbed him by one arm and a Dragon took the other, and he was up into space, dangling his legs helplessly as he screamed, "Pheasants and Dragons, OH MY!"
Nahomi was sitting on the Muddy Boot Road in complete shock. She watched as another Dragon picked Postal Man up by the strap of his mail bag, tossed him in the air and set him up on his humpy back to fly off with him. "Nahomiiiiiiii!" he screamed.
Well, at least Postal Man had some experience bare back riding the Pinto, she thought shakily to herself.
Just when she thought the Pheasants and Dragons hadn't seen her, hoping she would get away free, the silver Pheasant that had scooped up TaTa appeared in the middle of the crowd, and dive bombed down to pick her up by her voluminous gingham apron and took off, leading all the Pheasants and Dragons with their burdens out over the horizon.
All Nahomi could say was, "Ohhhhh, TaTa, HERE you are! I will not be afraid, as long as I have you with me!"
The Silver Pheasant turned his head to look at her with large, green, oval eyes. "Helllllp!" Nahomi screamed, seeing there was more to this than met the eye
Meanwhile the others where crying, moaning, pissing and groaning. They cursed Nahomi for talking them into the quest and cursed RoboCop for not warning them about the Pheasants and Dragons.
Poopeyer, legs dangling in space, yelled at Shadow Caster who was clutched under a Dragon's tail, "How did we get into this mess, ole buddy?"
Shadow Caster coughed as a bit of gas issued from under the Dragon's tail, "Does it matter? What we need to do is get OUT of this mess!"
"I can't even stomp my magical muddy army boots!" Nahomi cried. "Even Theosafits doesn't know what's happening. Will we EVER find the Wizard?"
"What I'm worried about," yelled back Postal Man, "is the fact that Archeal warned us to stay on the Muddy Boot Road, or we'd be disoriented! Well, she was right; I'm disoriented for sure!"
"Look, though!" exclaimed Poopeyer. "We are over the Muddy Boot Road, flying straight along it!"
"Yeah, maybe we are OK, ya think?" Shadow Caster pleaded. "I know that Pheasants and Dragons are the air force for Queen JoJo, but I can't believe they'd be here in Surreal!"
"Well, I can't follow any dots, but I imagine these Pheasants and Dragons mean something. At least we're not heading back on the Muddy Boot Road. I'm never ever ever going back. As soon as I get all the answers in the Universe, I'm taking TaTa and going back to Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net, and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen on the Net Farm to enlighten them all."
The Pheasants finally gave out a loud GARREEE call, and the Dragons spewed fire. Flapping their huge wings they proceeded straight above the Muddy Boot Road, flying in the lemon colored sky.
"Maybe they'll take us to the Wizard, you think, TaTa?" Nahomi murmured. And they did!
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE.
brinnnng! brinnnng!....
"Toot, Toot, Toot!"....
Clunk, Clunk, Clunk....
"Yip, Yip, Yip"....
"WHOOSH....
"WHOOSH....
"WHOOSH....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 3:54 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 16
....The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
WHOOSH!
WHOOSH!
WHOOSH!
....Pheasants and Dragons had been soaring over the Muddy Boot Road with their captives so long that Nahomi, Shadow Caster, Poopeyer, and Postal Man lost complete track of time; of course, TaTa never did know what time it was, but even he was more disoriented than usual and he kept tucking his head down under Nahomi's arm as they flew rapidly in the clutches of the lead Pheasant.
Poopeyer looked dizzily down between his legs as they dangled in the lemon pulp clouds of the lemonade sky, and shouted, "UH OH! Now we're in for it! There's the end of the Muddy Boot Road up ahead. Who knows what evil lurks beyond?!!!"
"Tell you what, ole buddy, this is one Shadow Caster that doesn't know the answer to that one!" came a muffled reply from under the tail of te Dragon that clutched the man in the TTTS.
"I can see ahead a bit from up here on this Dragon's back," called out Postal Man. "I think we are coming into a town or something. There's a muddy moat just oozing around a big building and lots of things moving around the banks on both sides of the moat!"
"Did you say, oozing?" Nahomi shouted. "Ooooh, if I could only use my note pad and pencil that are sitting useless in a pocket of my voluminous gingham apron!"
With those words, Leader Pheasant again turned his noble head and his large, oval, shining green eyes stared coldly at her. "I know, I know - I can't do that!" Nahomi quickly backed off, "But, I imagine that the moat oozing has something to do with the Wizard's Palazzo!"
No sooner said than done, because the Pheasants and Dragons went into a landing formation, circling the area below, waiting for the landing signals. Soon little swamp gas flares popped up in a large circumference just in front of the huge building that Postal Man had seen. Down, down, circling and slowing came the air patrol, preparing for a landing.
The Pheasant and Dragon carrying Poopeyer with one of his arms in each of their mouths stretched out their legs and landed lightly on the swamp gas lit field. Poopeyer stayed dangling between land and air, while his captors waited patiently for the landing of the others.
Down came Postal Man's Dragon, with Postal Man hanging on for dear life to one of the Dragon spikes. He gave an 'oweeee' as a bit of a rough landing jerked him up from between the two spikes where he had been sitting and poked his butt a bit, right on a spike, before he again slid down between spikes.
Shadow Caster came in gasping and choking from the exhaust that had been issuing where he sat under the tail of his Dragon during the circling descent. Man, this is one Dragon I didn't cleanse that I shudda, he thought and was immediately reprimanded by a slap from the end of the Dragon Tail. And he reads MINDS, too! Geeeeze!
WHOOSH! Seeing the other Pheasants and Dragons safely on the ground, Lead Pheasant came in swiftly and landed easily, with his burden of Nahomi and TaTa.
Garreeeeee! Came the call from the Lead Pheasant. Garreeee! Garreeee!
Lead Pheasant gently deposited Nahomi with TaTa in her arms on the ground. Meanwhile, the others were also freed by their captors, and they all stood around, rubbing their arms and butts and casting frightened looks above their heads at their obviously superior transporters.
Pheasants and Dragons looked down their noses at the hapless group and with several small spurts of Dragon fire and a few Yeckos, they took off into the lemon night sky, headed straight for the blue moon, made a right turn and flew back toward the Castle on the Cliff to make their report of 'mission accomplished' to Queen JoJo. Garreee, Garreeeeeee - the group on the ground heard fading into the distance as the swamp gas flares all around them blinked out, one by one.
"Now what, I wonder!" tooted Poopeyer. "Whew! Do you smell THAT?!"
"After that trip under the Dragon's tail, I think I'm all smelled out!" Shadow Caster groaned.
"That is pretty powerful stuff, though!" agreed Postal Man.
"Smells like Uncle Hashish's long underwear after he's been sweating in the field!" commented Nahomi.
'Eeewgggh!' coughed TaTa, rubbing his paw over his nibby nose.
"That's IT, Nahomi! Wet wool! I'd bet my last dime (if I had one) on it!" exclaimed Poopeyer.
Ding, Ding, Ding, came the tinkle of little bells, as the group's eyes finally adjusted to the loss of the swamp gas light. They watched in awe as a herd of checkered Hoagie ewes clambered up out of the muddy, oozing, moat and bells all a-tinkle stood around on the bank, waiting for the horned rams to follow. Beside the sheep, stood a tall man with a 50 gallon hat on his head and a speckled biddy under one arm, waving a herder's staff at the flock.
From the building across the moat came a yell, "I told you to get the flock outta here!"
"You didn't have to make them swim the moat, though, didya? I told you I was coming right back to get them; now they're all wet!" 50 gallon hat yelled back.
"Yeah? Well, if you'd come back sooner, it would never have happened. You're (not your) just lucky we didn't toss you in, too! Wasn't for that biddy of yours, we woulda!"
"Ahhhh, your mother wears muddy army boots!"
"Ohhhh, I"m not his mother! Am I?" wondered Nahomi.
"Oh geeze...I thought I'd crushed him, but if that ain't MISTER Rams, I'll eat my pipe! This REALLY pisses me OFF!" Poopeyer complained as he moved to hide behind Nahomi.
TaTa ran joyfully up to the man leading the flock toward them, dodging the sharp hooves of the ewes and steering away from the horns of the rams, and licked the boots of MISTER Rams with gusto! "Rummms! Rummms!" he yapped, while stringy doggie tears and nose drippings anointed the dusty boots.
"How's he know him?" Poopeyer whispered from behind Nahomi.
"How would I know?" I never saw a man like that in Candida and I've never been more than a couple of feet away from you on the Muddy Boot Road!"
"Yeah, that's what you say. But, you also say that TaTa goes everywhere with you. That's one mighty happy, slavering Scosh Terror over there with MISTER Rams, for someone who doesn't know him."
"Shhhh, shhhh, here he comes!" Postal Man warned.
Kicking up dust all around him, and rapping the flock out of the way, the disgruntled MISTER Rams walked up to the stranded group who watched him with wary eyes. "Well, what are you scumbags staring at?" he yelled.
"No--no---nothing, Sir," groveled Nahomi.
"Wadda ya mean, nothing? I'M something!"
"He's something alright," Shadow Caster whispered to Postal Man. "He could stand a good cleansing!"
'Grrrrrr,' TaTa growled at the TTTS, wondering where he could get a good bite in without chipping his canines.
"Well, Sir, I was really looking at the speckled chicken in your arms," soothed Nahomi.
"Isn't that a co-incidence?" marveled MISTER Rams. "I was looking at the green chicken hiding behind your back!"
'Urrruhhhuuuu huuuuu!' laughed TaTa, as only Scosh Terror Rapid Doggies can.
"That's no chicken, Sir, that's..."
"I know who that is. Last time we met, I left him strung up on his own petard! Better believe it, I'll do it again, if he dares step out from behind your voluminous gingham apron!"
Shadow Caster stepped forward and asked, "What IS that building across the moat, can you tell us?"
"That? Why that's the Palazzo de Wizeerd de OOzE'!
"You've been there?! You've seen the Wizard?!" Nahomi gushed.
"I been there. Didn't see no Wizard, though. I only dropped the flock off to protect them from the trolls hereabouts. Then I went to attend the 666th monthly anniversary of the SUBs. Well, we got to..."
"What's the SUBs?" queried Postal Man, after he took a big deep breath for courage.
"Seals United Blowhards!" was MISTER Rams amazed reply. "You mean you never HEARD of us?"
"Well, I've heard of the Seals, but I never knew they were United Blowhards; that must be the Surreal branch, eh?" snickered Poopeyer, who took a big chance and stuck his head out from around Nahomi, just long enough to put in his dime's worth.
"Poopeyer, be nice!" admonished Nahomi. "Now MISTER Rams, what about the chicken?"
"Well, this is my hen, Janet!" he answered. "She goes wherever I do."
"Oooo, just like TaTa and me!" squealed Nahomi.
"I dunno, little lady. TaTa sure looks familiar to me. I think I've known a dog just like him somewhere before. And he does seem to be taking a shine to me!"
"He's still MY TaTa, so there!" sniffed Nahomi.
"Hey, MISTER Rams," broke in Shadow Caster. "About that speckled hen of yours. How many eggs does Janet lay?"
"No more than I can crack a day, you dumb worthless piece of crap. From what I hear, your 'radio show' over there at the Castle on the Cliff laid more eggs than all the little old biddies clucking around you!"
"Ooof! That's gotta sting!" Poopeyer whispered to Postal Man.
"You say something back there, Green Chicken?" MISTER Rams stuck his head around Nahomi and peered right into Poopeyer's good eye, meanwhile Janet dribbled a bit of speckled hen doo-doo on Poopeyer's starboard deck shoe.
"Nnnnno....nothing, nothing," stammered Poopeyer.
"Well, rumors have it that you've been bragging on how you can 'handle' me, and how you're looking to 'finish me off', so I figure now's as good a time as any. Want to step around out here, spinach head and put an end to it?"
"Mmmmmeeee??? Mmmmeeeeeee??!!! Well, I never ever said one word about you. Honest Injun! I'm a sweet guy. Ask me anytime....I'll tell you!"
"Uh huh....that's what I thought, Little Green Scumbag! Lotsa toot and smoke and mirrors, absolutely nothing else! The truth will out!"
"Speaking of truth, Sir," Nahomi advantageously inserted, "how do we get into the Palazzo to see the Wizard? I have to get all the answers in the Universe and a lot of truth to take back to Candida to enlighten Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net and Moanen, Pissen and Groanen on the Net Farm, so I can leave this Surreal place and never ever ever come back again!"
"See that guy over there, holding the lantern full of red fireflies? He's Red, the Remoat Sentry. You go over there and he'll ask you a few questions. If it seems safe to let you into the Palazzo, he'll push the Remoat button and the drawbridge will come down. Somwhere, over the drawbridge, a bluebird will trill its song and the door to the Palazzo de OOzE' will open. After that, finding the Wizard is up to you."
"Do you want to come with us to talk to the Wizard, Sir, seeing as you're already here and all?"
"Nawww, there ain't nothing I wanna hear from the Wizard or the scumbags you're traveling with! I'm going to take my hen Janet and get the flock on to new adventures in interesting places. I've had enough of Surreal to last me a lifetime, and that includes skirt hiding, green chicken shit little snickerers, too!" (This last said with a sneer at Poopeyer, who still refused to budge from behind Nahomi.)
"Don't forget to file your new address," Postal Man offered. "I sure don't want to get lost delivering mail again; I'm pretty full up with Surreal, too!"
"So long, guy," Shadow Caster choked out, praying that MISTER Rams would get on his way without noticing him much.
"Yeah, dummy....I never did see a scumbag in a too tight tin suit before. Gotta say that Sir Rocky and Phantom works did a good job!"
"Farewell, Sir," Nahomi said respectfully. "It was a pleasure meeting a SUB!"
"Heheh, rather a SUB than the SOBs you've been keeping time with, eh?" MISTER Rams guffawed.
"Oh, they can't help the way they are, Sir! That's why we've come to see the Wizard. Maybe they'll get straightened out once and for all, you know?"
"Nope, I don't know. But better you than me, that's for sure!"
With a wave of his staff, MISTER Rams started the flock out of the landing field. TaTa ran up to him and whined to be picked up. MISTER Rams looked sorrowfully down at him, desire deep in his eyes, and then gave TaTa a firm push with his boot in the direction of Nahomi. "Go getter, TaTa. She needs you...g'wan, ya mangy mutt, ya bother me!"
TaTa looked at him with bleary Scosh Terror eyes and slowly backed off to Nahomi, his once frisky tail now sullen between his stubby back legs. 'Bruuhuuu,' he whined as he watched MISTER Rams get the flock out of there.
Nahomi didn't waste anytime watching the odd party go. She immediately turned around and gave Poopeyer her drop dead look. "Do you think you can give me some breathing room now, Poopeyer? I imagine it's safe now."
"What? What? I was just guarding your back, Nahomi! You know what an awful person that MISTER Rams is! Not like me--sweet, faithful, trustworthy, loving,..."
"Oh, stifle that!" roared Postal Man. "You are such a fraud! I can hardly control myself when I see you in action!"
"Well! I NEVER!"
"Oh, confess, Poopeyer!" Shadow Caster joined in. "You ALWAYS not never! If I didn't need you so much, I'd walk away from you, too!"
"Forget it, guys. Let's get on over to the Remoat Sentry. That's the only Red I want to see for the present!"
Poopeyer drooped his head and wiped his sniveling nose on his sleeve, while he glanced at Shadow Caster. "Some buddy you turned out to be. Shudda listened to Queen JoJo, and I'd be resting on the couch in the Castle on the Cliff right now, having me a nice spinach smoke!"
"QUIET!" yelled Postal Man. And it was!
Nahomi hustled over to Red, the Remoat Sentry and fluttered her eyelashes. "Hello, Mr. Red. MISTER Rams said that you would push the proper Remoat buttons to lower the drawbridge to the Palazzo. Can you do that now, please?" (flutter flutter)
"Well, you can't just flutter by here," reasoned Red. "You've got to tell me what your purpose is there."
"I've come to get all the secrets in the Universe from the Wizard!" answered Nahomi.
"I've got mail to deliver to the Wizard," came from Postal Man, "and I really want to get rid of this old bag I'm carrying! Maybe the Wizard'll show me the way to Candida, too!"
"I gotta get a heart!" Shadow Caster declared. "That's the only chance I have to talk Queen JoJo, Sir Rocky and the rest of the Round Couch into releasing me from this sentence of the too tight tin suit!"
"I have to find a way to prove how wonderful I am to everyone, and how brave, and kind and good...."
"I get the idea, I get it!" Red the Remoat Sentry interrupted. "However, what about the dog? What possible purpose could he serve in the Palazzo?"
"Well, Sir, I have this bag of Rapid doggie doo-doo that I've been cleaning up after TaTa," Nahomi whipped out the plastic bag from a pocket of her voluminous gingham apron, "and I'm hoping the Wizard can tell me where to dump it, and maybe how to keep TaTa from messing on people's private property again!"
"Well, I think the Wizard is in, but it is sleepy-bye time here in Surreal you know. So, I'm going to push in the Remoat Code E + 4 and let down the drawbridge. You go ahead and cross over and the bluebird of happiness will sing to let them know you're outside. You can go in and maybe catch a few winks until morning." And he did.
Creaking and clanking the long drawbridge complainingly descended. As soon as it touched the bank, TaTa ran over, ruffing all the way. A couple of trolls heard the racket he was making and picked their heads up from the depths of the oozing moat. Lucky for him, this particular bridge was too high for them to reach and he just lolled his icky tongue out at them, causing them to belch in disgust.
Nahomi, Shadow Caster, Postal Man and the still sniveling Poopeyer joined arms and proceeded across the wide drawbridge, Nahomi waving 'bye-bye' to Red the Remoat Sentry in thanks.
"I can't believe it!" Nahomi said gleefully. We are finally crossing the last barricade from the Wizard of OOzE! We're off! And they were.
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE.....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 3:42 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 17
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE!"
"The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
....Soon the Wizard hunters were gathered excitedly outside a huge round wooden door, which was really a finely tuned clock. The hours of the day were represented around the circumference--all 24 of them--each blinking a different color. In the exact center of the door clock was a smaller door, about one foot square. Right beneath the small door was a shiny brass plate with an inscription that read Knock Three Times!
"You go ahead and knock, Shadow Caster," suggested Poopeyer. That tinny fist of yours should stir them up plenty, I'll bet. Besides, you've had a lot of experience knocking on doors."
"Yep, go ahead, S.C., you knock them awake," agreed the others.
"Well, I guess I am in charge here," Shadow Caster tried to draw himself up straighter, all a-puff with the proffered honor. "Stands to reason I should be the first one to approach the Wizard."
Poopeyer snorted, "GEEZE my KNEES! It's just knocking on the door, Ole Buddy. No guarantees you'll be asked in. You know how that works!"
Shadow Caster just looked down his nose at Poopeyer, cleared his throat and walked up to the door. "We'll see," he opined. "I'll just give this clock a cleansing with my tin fist." And he did.
Whomp! (ka-ching)
Whomp! (ka-ching)
Whomp! (ka-ching)
Shadow Caster banged three times right on the shiny brass plate, the tin of his fist causing a metallic resonance as an after echo to the shaking of the wooden door.
Immediately the small door opened and a bright blue bird sprang out, "Cuckold! Cuckold! Cuckold!" it screeched right into the face of the man in the TTTS.
"Wow, old buddy! Even the bird in this place knows secrets! I wonder how it DID that! And right in your face, too!" exclaimed Poopeyer. Postal Man giggled, while Nahomi just looked confused....again.
As quickly as it appeared, the blue bird popped back into the door, leaving Shadow Caster sucking back a tear, as his nose turned red with embarrassment. The rest of him was probably just as red, but it was in the TTTS, and luckily the others could not see it.
The little door opened once more and the face of a beautiful woman, with long black hair streaked with white appeared. Nahomi pushed herself forward and boldly asked the woman, "Are you the Wizard?"
"Nein. I yaam Cruella DeWille. Who are you, and vhat iss it that you vant?" came the deep throated answer.
"Well, I'm Nahomi from Candida and these are my companions. We've come to see the Wizard and learn all the secrets of the Universe, truth, and some other stuff! Can we come in?"
"Jawohl, but the Vizzaarrd is sleepy-bye now. You musst vait until morning, here in the courtyard of the Palaazzzzo."
"We waited this long, what's a little longer?" said Postal Man. "Just so I can drop off this mailbag at the local post office. It's late already!"
They heard the winding of a huge key on the other side of the clock door, bells rang and the hour lights raced around maniacally, then the huge door slowly opened and Cruella waved them into the courtyard.
"This is a courtyard?" Poopeyer burst out. "It's more like a whole city!" And it was.
Inside were all the shops and attractions that they had seen advertised on the billboards outside of OOzE before they reached the Surreal Counting line.
TaTa was no sooner through the door than he ran over to where Boomerang Pizzaria and The House of Schmauser stood side by side. He roamed excitedly back and forth in front of each open door, lured by the delicious aroma of Gag-a-Goat pizza in one and the sight of the camera wielding man with white curley hair, lurking in the other. His tongue lolled juicily in front of Boomerang Pizzaria and he turned his little backside to Schmauser, lifting his tail high in the air and wagging it invitingly at the photographer.
"I thought this was sleepy-bye time," Nahomi said to Cruella. "What are all the shops doing open, and why are all the people out on the board walks?"
"Most peopless do not know vhat time iss it," Cruella answered. "Only Vizaard hass answerss."
"And it looks like Vizaard ain't telling," Poopeyer whispered to Shadow Caster and Postal Man.
"I see," Nahomi commented, "At least I think I do. Cruella, you look just like a girl I knew back in Candida. I had a bit of trouble with her. She didn't like the way I connected some dots on the board at school one day, and she told everyone how I was wrong. Well, I got mad and called her mother and tattled on her. She hasn't liked me ever since. Do you know what I mean?"
"Jawohl," answered Cruella. "I, too, vould be angry vith a tattler...esspecially iff the tattle vas a lie. I vould nefer vorget it! Howefer, thiss iss SSurreal, and vhat vould be the oddss off your enemy being here?"
"I suppose that's so. Forget I asked," Nahomi replied.
"Jawohl, it iss vorgotten," Cruella smiled secretly. (thaass vhat sshe tinkss)
"Well, I'm really very tired," Postal Man groaned. "Can you direct me to the post office? I'd like to deliver this bag of junk mail sent to the Wizard."
"All off the Vizzaard'ss mail iss haand deliffered dirrect. You vill haf to vait until the Vizzaard avakess and holdss audienzess."
"Drat! I've had about enough of this being pushed around!" Postal Man squeaked, but with menace.
"Shhh, shhhh," warned Nahomi. "We are so close, don't ruin it for all of us!"
"Iff I may be ssso bold," Cruella suggested, "vy don't you all wissit Bo'ss Baabylon Bathss ofer there? You all schmell a bit...errrr ...ripe. They vill clean you up a bit, or aat least deodorrrice you. Nahomi, Bo's partner, Raj, may haf some clothess that vould be just your bag, and I am sure she vill be able to currrl your hair. Then you all might try the pizzzza plaze or Pocketss Galore for calzone or...."
"We ain't got a dime!" moaned Shadow Caster. "Another reason we want to see the Wizard!"
"Vell that iss unvortunaate! Maybe you can negotiate a sharge or exshange some vork.."
"Work!" Shadow Caster choked.
"Heheheh," snickered Poopeyer wolverineishly, "S.C. ain't doin' no work and nobody's negotiating any IOU's for him, that's for sure!"
"I seeee you people haf many problemsss. I can only leaf you to your own dewhycess until the Vizzaarrd grantss you an audienze. I haf mujh to do here on the board valk at night, zo I muzt go now." And she did.
"I wonder..." Nahomi pondered...
"What? What idiocy now?!" hypered Poopeyer.
"That Cruella, I just can't believe the resemblence...."
"Oh, forgeddabout it!" Shadow Caster yelled. "We've got bigger problems than that! This is no Mickey Mouse game we're playing, you know!"
"Huh! It's Mickey, Minnie, and all the Destiny cast!" scoffed Poopeyer. "How I got involved with you people is more than my G.E.D. can stand! I should have taken my chances and turned off on the road to The City of Lost Children. Maybe I could have gotten lost among the brats long enough to elude the search of Queen JoJo's Fugitive Alert Crusaders Troops."
"Nahhh, you'd never get away from them and that's a FACT!" Postal Man scorned. "They're so much above your head when it comes to brains, that you'd get airsick, trying to figure them out!"
"Oooooo, look!" Nahomi interrupted. "They are giving free breadstick samples over at Boomerang Pizza! And there's a pink lemonade fountain over in the kiddie park. We can eat!" And they did.
After refreshing themselves, the group walked around the courtyard, checking out the different shops.
"It's sure wonderful without that pesky mutt!" Postal Man commented. "I saw him backing into The House of Schmauser when we got our breadstick samples next door. Maybe he's getting his picture taken? I hear Schmauser has a weakness for Scosh Terror Rapids. Seems they are just the right size or something."
"Well, I hope he gets back before we have to go in to see the Wizard," Nahomi said. I need for him to be seen, so that the Wizard can evaluate what to do with his doo-doo."
TWEET, TWEET, TWEET, came the shrill blasts of a police whistle as they strolled along. Rolling down the street came a RoboCop who looked just like Jerry666, but of course all RoboCops look the same. It pulled up in front of them and pushed a button on a chest panel. "I am RoboCop Margie000. I am in charge of health and cleanliness in the Wizard's Courtyard. You are all in violation of the clean air act. Follow me to Bo's Babylon Baths where you will be cleansed, fumigated and deodorized."
"But, we can't pay!" Shadow Caster exploded.
"Surreal Welfare Society will pay for whatever is necessary to protect our environment. You must either comply or leave the Palazzo Courtyard. End of transmission."
"Guess we go get cleaned up then," Postal Man decided. "I hope we get to sit a lot while they do it."
"Well, it's free and that's good," Shadow Caster contemplated. "I hope they understand what water will do to my TTTS, though!"
"There is a supply of Bell Snake Oil at the Baths, just in case anyone would ever need it," came the electronic vocal reply.
"And I still have some," put in Nahomi.
"Not anymore - that is contraband for citizens and visitors without special licensing. Hand it over." And Nahomi did.
"Can we please get this show on the road?" Poopeyer complained. "You debate about something we got no choice about, just like the Idiots you are!"
"Hmmmm, I don't know about the idiots part, but you're (not your) right about getting the show on the road," Nahomi answered back. "We really should." And they did.
Soon three of them found themselves strapped into spa chairs, moving along a belt that led into a people wash. They were doused with warm water, soaped up with big luffas, and then rinsed again and again.
Nahomi shuddered when Raj came at her with the wicked looking curling iron, but relaxed when she was squirted with a bit of laughing gas, just before the iron began to do its work.
"We don't have a big hot thing like that in Candida," she giggled as Raj went about curling her hair.
"And we don't have anything as Surreal as you, here, either!" Raj giggled back.
Poopeyer and Postal Man both needed a sniff of the laughing gas to even begin the trip through the people wash, but soon they were giggling at the sight of Shadow Caster strapped down to a spit-like contraption that twirled him around and around, in an attempt to reach every spot of his TTTS, after the interior had been vacuumed out. Finally, Shadow Caster was sprayed with a large can of legal Bell Snake Oil and his limbs and jaw were worked back and forth until he had dried.
They were now in the deodorizing/drying room. Soft puffs of sweet smelling air wafted all around them. Ahead of them a timer was set for two hours.
"Ahhh, we can rest here!" Postal Man said.
"If I could use my note pad and pencil...but I can't connect dots here," Nahomi corrected herself, "so I imagine it will be a Surreal morning when we are done here. Then we will be off to see the Wizard for sure!" Would they?
They let loose their tensions in the aromatic air, while from the sound center soft music met their ears....
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 3:33 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 18
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE.....
....Just as the deodorizing Questers were drifting off to sleep, lulled by the soft, familiar music drifting from the Wurlitzer in the corner and the aromatic therapy of the scented puffs of deodorizing air that bathed them, they were jolted awake by the thud of a screen dropping down in front of them. Off went the wizardy song from the Wurlitzer and instead music blasted from the sound system of the screen in front of them. Blasting forth came the da da da duh duh duhhh....intro and the words:
MICKEY X1/2 PRESENTS!
LET US DISINFOTAIN YOU
Starring
MICKEY X1/2, CELESTIN OLE', & THE ILK
Oh My!
Strapped in their salon chairs (Shadow Caster, of course, still slowly revolving on his spit), the captive audience stared at the screen.
"Is this real?" whispered Nahomi.
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU, IDIOT!" Poopeyer snarled.
"IS THIS REAL?!" she shouted this time.
"DARN TOOTIN' IT IS! AT LEAST IT'S SURREAL! I'D PINCH YOU TO HELP YOU MAKE SURE, BUT I CAN'T REACH YOU! ISN'T IT BAD ENOUGH TO HAVE OUR SNOOZE INTERRUPTED WITHOUT YOU GIVING THE "IS IT REAL" ACT FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME?"
"What's all the yelling about?" asked Shadow Caster.
Indeed, because the blaring intro music had dwindled to the tapping of feet as three very handsome men, each dressed in long tail tux, top hat and gloves and carrying a shiny black cane, shuffle/ball/changed onto center screen. They each took a handful of sand from their pocket and spread it on the floor in front of them.
"Now that's better," Postal Man breathed in relief as a softer, gentler tune started up. "That loud stuff makes me postal and we sure don't want S.C. going Chernobyl on us again!"
Meanwhile, the three natty performers had doffed their top hats in a low bow, removed their gloves with expert attention to detail, tucked them into their pockets and smiling their beautiful white toothed smiles began to soft shoe to a familiar tune:
Let US....Disinfotain YOU!
Let US....make you SMILE!
You seek the Wizard,
That's what we've all heard,
You've really got the bluuues!
Now if you feel bad,
You're down and out sad,
Here's what you need to doooo....
Let US....Disinfotain YOU!
Until the Wizard shows the waaay,
We'll show you a real good time....
OH YEAH!
WE'LL show YOU....
A WURLITZER good time!!
"Of all the crap..." Poopeyer started to toot.
"Ohhh, that was so NICE!" Nahomi sighed as the performers on screen doffed their top hats in a deep bow, clutched them to their chests with both hands and shuffle/ball/changed back off stage as the music died.
"Well, Nahomi, if 'I' had a tux like that, I could disinfotain you, too!" groaned Postal Man.
"Huh! At least you have a blue shirt and blue Burmuda shorts to give it a shot," moaned Shadow Caster, "try it in a too tight tin suit!"
"Yeah, well, I'm not worrying about dancing to any tune for Nahomi. So far all she's done for me is get me strapped down into a chair, run through a people wash, denied my pipe..."
"Oh, Poopeyer! Don't you ever get tired of blaming other people for your own problems?" Nahomi burst out disgustedly. "You go around claiming how 'right' you always are...so then why are you always 'left' alone? If I could use my note pad and pencil, I'd connect some dots for you...but here in Surreal, you'll just have to imagine what your problem is. For sure it isn't ME!"
"Well, I..." Poopeyer had barely opened his mouth when the music started up on the screen again and the dancers were back, this time dressed in naval blue and white striped shirts; tight, white, swabby pants and sailor hats. They began to do a seafarer's jig while singing:
He's Poopeyer the Spinach Man,
He uses it fresh or canned!
Smoke it or Cream it,
You don't need to clean it,
He's Poopeyer the Spinach Man!
Poopeyer had some friends,
Until his attack of the bends!
The truth helped to bust him,
His friends couldn't trust him,
Ole Poopeyer the Spinach Man!
Poopeyer says he's "right",
Proclaims it both day and night!
True friends he abandoned,
With Cliff he's companioned,
Poor Poopeyer the Spinach Man!
TOOT! TOOT!
"Ha! Ha! Ha!" roared Shadow Caster. "See? Everybody knows what good 'buddies' we are, Poopeyer! Ain't it great?! Of course, I try not to be seen with you out in public much anymore, got to protect my 'image', ya know? But, that was a real good song..."
Again the music started up and the dancers appeared, this time attired in hobo outfits, long checkered ties askew against moth eaten shirts, and grimey baseball caps twisted at various angles on their heads::
Heeeee, ain't got nobody,
And nobody care's for him....
Heeeee, casts a big shadow,
Makes the brightest light grow dim.
Call him Cliff or S.C.
Shadow Caster or KKliffy,
It all adds up to the same....
Heeeee, ain't got nobody,
And only he can take the blame.
Heeeee, told all the big tales,
Of feats too bizarre to claim!
He's stuffed in a tin can,
Just like a lump of internet Spam,
That is his only claim to fame....
Heeeee, is just a bummer,
And nobody cares for him!
"Toot! Toot! What do you think of that one, Postal Man?" Poopeyer snorted as the Disinfotaining trio drooped their heads and shuffled Shadow Casterdly off screen.
Silence.
"HEY! Postal Man! I'm talkin' to ya!"
Silence.
Poopeyer raised his voice a bit, thinking that the sound of Shadow Caster sniveling as he rotated round on the spit kept Postal Man from hearing him. "HEY! BAG MAN! I SAID...."
"I heard you," Postal Man whispered back. "I'm just afraid that if I make a comment, they'll...."
Sure enough, out came Disinfotainment for Act III, dressed in mail man garb, and carrying a big bag of junk mail over their shoulders. Each had a huge envelope in their hands, with a great big heart sealing it and "SWAK to NAHOMI" printed in block letters on the front:::
Love letters straight from his heart,
Will that be all when they part?
He'll search for her day and night,
Pleading his love, though his love's in flight.
He used to love once before,
That love lost at a prison's door...
Now it's a new love that will never be returned...
Still writing Love Letters,
straight...from...his...hearrrrt!
"Is that true, Postal Man?" Nahomi sniffled as the dancers pirouetted off stage. "How sweet! Maybe someday I will love you, ya think?"
Postal Man red-facedly mumbled, "I hope."
Now the music for Act IV struck up and Mickey X1/2, Celestin Ole' and The Ilk tapped out on the screen dressed as a train station agent, conductor and shoe shine boy::
Her Aunty done tole her!
When she was in Candida!
Her Aunty done tole her...
Chile!
Some frien's is a two face,
They'll give you the big talk,
And when the big talk is through...
Some frien's is a two face!!
Mockin' old things
That lead you to sing,
The bluuuuues, in the night!
She tried out a few frien's
Chucked them for new frien's,
Wherever the whirlwind blew.
Now she's here at the Wizard's
With questions like blizzards,
She doesn't know what to do!
But, Aunty done tole her,
It didn't control her,
Still Aunty done tole the chile...
Some frien's is a two face,br>
Worrisome things,
That lead you to sing,
The bluuues, in the night.
Now, the Wizard's comin',
Hear the Wizard comin',
Woooeeee,
(your Aunty done tole you)
Here that moanin' whistle,
Calling you to wrestle,
Wooooeeee!
(your Aunty done tole you)
A woooeeee to woooeeee,
Those worrisome frien's,
Brings you in the ends,
To the bluuuues, in the NIGHT!
There was silence when the music ended and the Disinfotainers tapped off. Nahomi just looked accusingly at her 'friends' and a tear dripped from her eye and rolled back into the curls that Raj had so carefully hot ironed into her hair.
What could the three men do? She hadn't openly accused them of anything, and they had no idea what to say to her. After all, wasn't she crying the blues here this night? Weren't they all?
Suddenly the chairs jerked to a stop in their ride around the deodorizing room and Raj showed at the door. She pressed a button on the wall and their restraints were all released.
"Please exit to your left. There is no 'right' in Surreal," she smiled. "I wish you luck with the Wizard. From what I've seen, you are going to need it! By the way, there is a mangy looking mutt yipping around outside. Must be one of yours, nothing like that is tolerated here in Surreal."
"Nahomi, it must be TaTa!" said Shadow Caster, attempting to give her some big talk.
"Drats!" Postal Man spat out!
Poopeyer was busy lifting one arm and then the other, "This is right, this is left, right, left, right/left," he mumbled as he tried to decide which way to go.
"Just follow me, Idiot!" Shadow Caster ordered. "I'll tell you what's left. Easy enough, since there is no right here!"
Nahomi ignored them all and walked slowly out the door, thinking seriously about what her Aunty done tole her, back in Candida.
'Yip, yipe, yap, yap!' TaTa was so excited to see Nahomi, though he was very bedraggled, sweaty and tired looking. Nahomi dodged away as he tried to jump up into her arms, "Down, TaTa, down! I'm too clean to pick up such a dirty dog!"
'Urrrr,' TaTa complained, putting his paw over his eyes. Nahomi glanced over at Schmauser, standing in the doorway of his studio, a dazed, exhausted smile on his face.
"Hmmmm, Nahomi," Poopeyer said, after following her gaze to the photographer. "Me thinks TaTa is no longer a puppy."
"I just wonder if he's still my friend!" Nahomi replied. "Or any of you, for that matter!"
A RoboCop was wheeling along the boards of the walkway around the Palazzo. "Attention! Attention! The Wizard will be conducting audiences in the main auditorium in thirty minutes. Please line up at the entrance at the north side of the Palazzo in enough time to be admitted for this session."
"I can't believe it. We're finally going to meet the Wizard! I'm getting in line right now!" enthused Nahomi...calling to TaTa "HEEL!", as she walked northward.
"We're coming, too!" called the others. And they did.
I knew they would, Nahomi thought to herself. But, now I will find the truth about mockers and friends and secrets of the Universe!
Meanwhile, Shadow Caster, Poopeyer and Postal Man were worriedly contemplating what fate they might find in the Palazzo of the Wizard....
"We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE,
We know if we don't find him,
We will only lose!
He's got all the secrets we want to know,
And that's why Wizard hunting we'll go....
We'll go, We'll go,
We'll go and go and gooooo!
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....
We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE"
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE....."
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 3:28 AM - | |
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Copyright
June 23, 2002
CHAPTER 19
....We're off to find the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE...."
.... Tweeet! Tweeet! A RoboCop's shrill whistle sounded as it bore down upon the group, just minutes after they had turned northward to go up the hill to the Palazzo auditorium entrance, where they hoped to have all their questions and problems solved by the Wizard.
"What is it with these cops anyhow!" Poopeyer grumbled. "More RoboCops here than Sockpuppeople over at Mensa and tCoLC, it seems!"
"Please Halt," came the mechanical RoboCop voice, as it wheeled around in front of them. The Cop had a long rod attached to its shoulder, from which a delicious aroma of fried dough and sweet essences emanated.
"I am RoboCop KeithKKK. I am in charge of licensing, restraining and permits for aliens and animals here in Surreal Counting. You have a Scosh Terror Rapid without a leash with you. That is not allowed in Surreal Counting. Please present the license for the animal."
"Oh my! I forgot to get the proper papers and restraining device for TaTa!" gasped Nahomi.
"Well, no wonder!" Shadow Caster soothed. "He took off to go play namby pamby with the Schmauser One as soon as we hit the town!"
"Looks like it was a three act play, too!" chortled Postal Man. "Man, does he look wasted!"
"I'm sorry, Officer KeithKKK, Sir. I forgot to get his papers, and now we are hurrying to see the Wizard, what can I doooo?"
"I must issue you a non-compliance ticket," the RoboCop intoned. So saying he lifted his right hand, pressed the pad on his wrist and a very detailed ticket shot out from the slot in his palm.
"Heheheheh," snickered the Wolverineish One softly to Postal Man, "like we can pay a ticket!"
Postal Man whispered back, "Yeah, maybe they'll toss the mutt in a cage, or better still, in the moat!"
The Robocop (who had very sensitive hearing) picked up on the conversation and responded, "All refractors are given a second chance, here in Surreal Counting. The Courthouse where you may obtain the licensing and restraint is right next to the Palazzo Auditorium. Just turn in this ticket when you apply, and you will not be charged."
"Drats!" "Crapola!" came from Postal Man and Poopeyer, respectively, but not respectfully.
"Well, that will work!" Nahomi agreed. "You all can go get in line to wait for the auditorium doors to open, and I'll go get TaTa legalized and be back in a snatch!"
"Huh?!" Poopeyer amazed.
"Forget it, Poopeyer. I told you how innocent and naive she is! It don't mean nothing!" Postal Man jumped in quickly.
Nahomi just opened her eyes widely at them, and then fluttered her lashes at the RoboCop. "Tell me, Officer KeithKKK, Sir, what is that sweet smelling rod on your shoulder?"
The rigid, mechanical voice responded, "I am also the officer in charge of emergency treatment for low blood sugar attacks on the board walks. That is an official Donut Hole carryer. It dispenses donut holes for instant treatment of Board Walk Mania, which has been determined to be caused by low blood sugar, or high - as the case may be."
"So, you've dispensed them all already?" Shadow Caster asked hungrily.
"No, they are all there. There have been no emergencies today...so far."
"Uhhhh, Officer, there ain't nothing on your rod, but the smell!" Poopeyer scoffed.
"I told you, they are donut holes. All the essence and lift and none of the fatty, artery-clogging calories. In fact, there are no donuts in Surreal Counting. Our medical officials have pushed donuts off the food pyramid. Now we just create holes and citizens must imagine the donuts."
"Surreal, alright!" Shadow Caster moaned. "I can't imagine life without donuts."
"You have that exact, Tinny Man. Why do you think I was one of the first human volunteers to be changed to a RoboCop? At least this way, I can always be close to the aromatic rod." --A bit of Robo lubricant lurked at the corner of KeithKKK's eye.
Nahomi reached up and patted him on his shoulder - the one without the sweet smelling rod, and said, "Looks like they left some human heart in you, though, ...really it does!"
"More than we can say for Shadow Caster!" Poopeyer tossed in.
"We best be getting along," Nahomi decided. "There may be a line at the Court House."
"Yeah, and we want to be first in line at the auditorium, too!" Postal Man added.
RoboCop KeithKKK saluted them smartly, wheeled around and headed back to his patrol of the board walk, just in case there were any other minor infractions being made that he could ticket. Giving tickets was almost as much satisfaction to his RoboCop life as donuts were in his human board walks.
The group headed on up the hill, not noticing when Sneaky Snake Schmauser slipped out of the photography shop with a big Kodecker in one hand and a Digital Fingeroid in the other. Could he be off to take some Court Pictures of Nahomi and TaTa? He was...and he DID!
Poopeyer, Shadow Caster and Postal Man were happy to see they would be the first in line at the door to the Palazzo Auditorium. They settled in to wait and hold places for Nahomi and TaTa, who hurried off to the big stone building at the left that had Surreal Counting Courthouse etched in the stone over its big double doors.
Nahomi started quickly up the long stairs to the courthouse door, but had to stop and wait for TaTa to drag his stubby legs up over each riser. He wasn't in any hurry to get into the licensing and restraining phase of his visit to OOzE in the first place, let alone the chore of dragging his tired, mangy body, complete with distended belly, up umpteen steps.
"Come on TaTa, come on! You can get it up here, try harder!" Nahomi encouraged.
'Bleck, rrrufff,' TaTa panted, and finally made the top, releasing a whiff of spammy gas in relief.
Nahomi entered the Courthouse doors with TaTa puffing at her heels. She checked all over and saw a sign that had an arrow pointing to the left down a hall. Above the arrow it read, Dept. of Critter Licensing and TRO. "That must be the place, TaTa," Nahomi reported.
TaTa turned around and headed back the way they'd came in.
"Come back here, bad dog! We've got no time to be chasing tails. We've got to get back to the line to see the Wizard, or we'll be stuck here til who knows when!"
TaTa stuck his tail between his legs and returned to her side, complaining with tiny 'grrrs' under his breath, but compliant.
The Critter Licensing and TRO Dept. was all the way at the end of the hall to the left. Nahomi was rushing and was a bit breathless when she entered the door and walked up to the window, thankful that there was no line waiting ahead of her. In fact, the room was rather quiet. Only the faint buzz of computers and printers could be heard.
A little sign on the desk at the window proclaimed:
Jacquelyn EEEK
Dept. Chief
Behind the window, a serene but official looking woman looked up from the computer on which she had been working. "Can I help you?" she asked Nahomi.
"I hope so," Nahomi replied. "I need to get TaTa here legalized."
Jacquelyn, EEEK stood up so that she could peer out of the window at the bedraggled TaTa. "Well, OK, but why are you bothering?"
"It's the law, isn't it?"
"Oh yes, it's the law. Anyone who wishes to keep a pet here in Surreal Counting must have it licensed and restrained. I just wonder why you want to keep-- that."
"It's my duty. TaTa came all the way from Candida with me, so I am responsible for him. If I know anything, I know about responsibility. Or at least I think I do. Maybe the Wizard will let me know for sure."
"Oh, I see...you are going to this morning's audience with the Great and Mighty Wizard of OOzE! We'd better get your paperwork done and get you on your way!"
"Yes, please, Ma'am. The sooner the better!"
'Eeerrrf,' TaTa grumbled.
"Well now," continued Jacquelyn, EEEK, "let me look you up on this Universal Indentity Computer, or the U.I,C., as we call it, and print out the license." She turned to an assistant seated behind her and said, "Kryss, please bring a restraining device for this critter from the Leash Bank--one of the electronic ones, since this is a critter alien to Surreal County."
Kryss arose and went to the brass door behind her, tapped on the key pad, and disappeared inside when the door slid open. Meanwhile, the Dept. head was busy typing:
Nahomi of Candida and Critter TaTa
into the U.I.C., and waiting for the identification to be made and the license to come out of the U.I.C. printer. Just as Kryss returned from the Leash Bank with a long red leash, attached to a medium sized collar, studded with blinking electronic lights, the printer dinged and a license popped out of the slot.
Nahomi turned over the ticket that RoboCop KeithKKK had given her, and Jacquelyn EEEK passed over the license and leash. "Here you go," she said. "Make sure you attach the collar snugly around his neck. You don't want him slipping the leash in the presence of the Wizard. Critters running wild are a big NO NO, at the audience. The Wizard is very strict about propriety at all appearances. Also, make sure you keep the license in a safe place, or you may be back here getting another quicker than you think!"
"Oh, no! Not me! I'm never, ever, ever coming back! As soon as I get all the secrets in the Universe from the Wizard, I'm going back to Candida to enlighten Aunty Kadie and Uncle Hashish Net and Moanen Pissen and Groanen back on the Net farm!"
"Well," chuckled the Dept. Head, "good luck with that!"
Nahomi folded the license and placed it in a pocket of her voluminous gingham apron, then knelt down by TaTa (keeping his filthy body at arms length from her nice clean, deodorized clothes) and firmly strapped the collar of the electronic leash around his neck.
'Errrg!' gasped TaTa, his eyes bugging out.
(Nobody noticed the camera flash as Schmauser stuck a hand around the door and shot the picture of the legalizing of TaTa)
"Don't worry, silly doggie, you'll get used to it," Nahomi joked.
TaTa took off waddling quickly to the door, but Nahomi picked up the hand hold of the leash and waited patiently until TaTa ran out of leader.
'Errrg, ghowl!' he yapped as he flipped backward.
Nahomi just chuckled. "Telling you for the last time. Get used to being on a leash, ya hear?" And he did.
Nahomi waved to Jacquelyn EEEK and quickly left the office. She and TaTa raced down the hall to the Courthouse doors. (As they started down the steps, Schmauser stuck his other camera out from behind the tree where he lurked, and took another photo.)
Nahomi noticed this flash. "Gee, TaTa," she queried as they hurried on down the final steps, "was that lightening? It can't be time for another Cleansing Rain already, ya think?"
'Errrrrk,' was all that TaTa could manage in reply.
Schnauser just did a good imitation of TaTa and waddled around the board walk in the other direction, back to his shop to develop more remembrances of his very special Scosh Terror Rapid.
Nahomi and TaTa were soon back with the others, at the front of the line to the auditorium. In fact, the others were the only ones in line. It seems that most folks in Surreal County didn't show up for the Wizard's audiences very often. They'd lived there long enough to "get with the plan" and really didn't have many problems. They were content to just take one day at a time, even if they didn't always (according to Cruella) 'know vat time iss it!'
Postal Man dropped down and rolled over in hysterical laughter when he saw TaTa waddling toward them, Nahomi holding a long red leash and TaTa panting with the electronic light studded collar snug around his thick neck.
Poopeyer snickered, once, twice and soon he, too, was howling in glee, even his good eye scrunched up with laughter, and Shadow Caster joined in, slapping his tinny knee with his tinny hand, clank-clanking with each smack, until Poopeyer finally looked warily around and told him to stop. "You never know when a 'noise control' RoboCop will show up," he warned.
"I don't think that's very nice," Nahomi said archly, trying to keep the big smile off her face. "TaTa doesn't like to be mocked any more than the rest of us...not more than me, of course, but certainly as much as the rest of you!"
"Man, am I glad I hung around long enough to see this!" Postal Man gasped as he rose to his feet.
TaTa just gave him a 'grrrgag'.
"Well, it's been 28 minutes since you left, Nahomi," Shadow Caster moaned. "It's about time for this "Wizard" to prove its stuff, don't you think? I'm more than ready to get out of this TTTS!"
"Yeah, and I want to find out which way to go to stay out of the way of MISTER Rams, and especially to go where I can smoke a pipe full of spinach annnny time I feel like it! Then maybe I won't be so pis...P.O.'d all the time," Poopeyer grumped, stealing a look at Nahomi.
"Thank you for that, Poopeyer," she smiled.
"And what about me?" groaned Postal Man. "How in the name of the great Theosafits much longer do I have to trot around this junk mail!"
"Well, it won't be long now, I'm sure," Nahomi offered. "Soon all our dreams will be answered, well at least our questions and I'll be going home to Candida, for ever and ever!"
"Yeah, that's so," affirmed a disconsolate Postal Man.
You could feel their excitement zinging in the air. Soon the big clock door outside rang the half hour, and slowly the auditorium doors opened out toward them.
"This is it!" Nahomi squealed. "We're going in to see the Wizard!" And they did.
"We're in to see the Wizard,
The Wonderful Wizard of OOzE!"
(To Be Continued)
| | Posted by GrannyJo at 3:22 AM - | |
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